Chapter 24
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Britton
I wake the next morning, alone in bed. “He didn’t come back,” I whisper, feeling nervous about what that could possibly mean.
“Please, please, please be alright,” I chant, over and over again, wrapping my arms around my stomach as queasiness sets in.
I’m not sure if this is from my pregnancy or from the fact that my nerves are shot since I don’t know if Tanner is okay or not.
Crawling my way to the bathroom, I make it just in time for my stomach to revolt.
Once there’s nothing left to expel, I flush the toilet, wipe off my face, brush my teeth, and zombie walk my way back to the bed where I land face first into my pillow.
Blindly, I reach over to the nightstand and grab one of my ginger candies off the top and unwrap it, toss it into my mouth while I silently pray that it kicks in fast.
Knocking on the door has me calling out a smothered, “Come in.”
I weakly manage to turn my head until my cheek is resting on the pillow case and notice Jersey lightly walking into the room. “Rough night?”
“More like a rough morning,” I answer.
“What can I do to help?” she asks, always ready and willing to lend a helping hand wherever she can. This is what I love about my bestie. She has a heart of gold and is always putting other people’s needs above her wants.
I point to the kitchenette in the corner and ask, “If you wouldn’t mind, could you go into the cupboards and grab a sleeve of crackers and a can of ginger ale out of the fridge?”
“Of course,” she responds. “Anything else I can do?”
“Not that I can think of,” I respond, rolling over onto my back and slowly gliding up the mountain of pillows until my back is plastered against the backboard. “Oh, wait. My anti-nausea medicine is in my purse, could you grab that box for me too?”
I’ve never been more grateful that my doctor had a few samples at her practice to hand out since I still haven’t managed to make it to the pharmacy to fill my prescription.
“Have you seen the guys, Jersey?”
“I saw glimpses of them,” she replies. “They’ve been coming in and out in droves with serious looks on their faces.”
“Was LoneStar one of those men?”
“Yes, Britton. I saw him too, he’s okay,” she reassures me.
“Good,” I say, deflating.
“I told you he’d be alright, Britton.”
“I know you’re dying to say it, Jersey, so just spit it out,” I demand.
She singsongs, “I told you.”
“You did,” I confirm, not in the right mindset to trade barbs with her, feeling drained.
“You don’t have a comeback, Britton? You really are feeling bad, aren’t you?”
“I’m not quite myself,” I respond. “I have zero energy, my stomach is churning, and my head is aching.”
She rustles through my purse, grabbing the sample box and sprinting over, removing the pill from the plastic packaging. She places it in the palm of my hand, pops the top on my can of ginger ale, and passes that to me as well. “Slow sips,” she orders.
After I swallow the medication, I mumble, “Bossy.”
“Only when the situation calls for it,” she implies. “Which isn’t often. Thank goodness.”
“Alpha female you are not,” I tease, trying to forget my woes. Mainly, the fact that my kid is the spawn of the devil who wears cowboy boots and hat.
“And I probably never will be,” she conveys. “I like standing in the background and going with the flow. Life is less messy that way.”
For what seems like the millionth time, I curse her parents and hope that they have a slow and painful death when their time comes.
They need to suffer like they caused their daughter to.
Unlike my parents, they presented a picture perfect family, dressing in finer clothes, donating a shit load of money to charity, and playing the part of doting parents.
It’s what they did when they were out of the spotlight where they showed their true colors.
But that’s not my story to tell. Years ago, I promised I would never tell anyone what she endured.
That’s why I don’t even like to think about it.
When I’m not feeling well or I’m caught in an emotional spiral, I tend to put my foot in my mouth, and I never want to betray Jersey’s confidence—not even in my own thoughts.
I pat the seat next to me and state, “Come sit next to me and tell me what all I missed while I was away.”
She rolls her eyes at me but comes and sits where I directed. “My life is uber boring, Britton. The only thing I did while you were out on your adventure was teach and head back to my house.”
“Adventure,” I scoff. “That’s not exactly what I’d call it. It’s the only way I can think about it without spiraling,” I admit.
“Okay, let’s not talk about the depressing things. Instead, tell me all the dirty stuff that’s going on between you and LoneStar,” she says, batting her eyelashes at me.
“You’re a nut,” I say, snorting.
“That’s old news, Britt,” she replies. “You know I have to live vicariously through you so don’t leave me lingering here, tell me-tell me-tell me,” she begs, stringing her words together. “Please.”
The first smile of the morning crosses my face as I think of the small touches that mean everything to me.
The tingling brush of his fingers against mine, the way he grazes his lips across my skin, the way he always has a hand on me if we’re in the same room as each other—tucked on the lower half of my back, wrapped around my waist as if I’m precious, that’s everything I’ve never had and never knew I wanted until he entered my life.
“He makes me want to stay,” I say, admitting the biggest thing in my opinion.
“And are you? Are you going to stay, Britton?” she asks.
“Yes, Jersey. I’m going to stay.”
She twists until she’s facing me head on and asks, “Do you love him? Is he your future?”
I place my shaky hand on my belly and reply, “Yes. He and this little one, they are my future, my family, the owners of my heart and soul.”
“Have you told him that?”
“What is this, an interrogation?” I tease.
“No, this is someone who cares about you and wants you to have everything you deserve asking meaningful questions,” she implores.
My mouth gapes open like a fish out of water, I don’t know the right thing to say in response. I’m not used to opening up and peeling scabs off old wounds. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and unable to control the things taking place in my life.
“I’m scared, Jersey. What if I tell him I love him and he doesn’t say it back? What if it makes him leave?”
“Darlin’,” Tanner’s voice breaks the silence and has both Jersey and I jerking on the bed. “Would it help if I told you how I feel first?”
Jersey leans over and whispers, “That’s my cue to leave. Love you, sis. Be brave, you’ve got this.” She pats my knee, gives Tanner a smile, and exits posthaste.
“Answer the question, beautiful. If I were to tell you I love you first, would that help you open up and tell me how you feel about me?”
“Yes. No. Yes. Fuck, I don’t know, Tanner. I’ve never had to say those words out loud. What if I want to say yes but no comes out of my mouth? Or worse, nothing comes out because I get tongue tied. When I said I was scared, I meant it.”
“Britt, I may have a solution but you have to be willing to try. What if I ask you a few questions and you nod your head yes or no? We’ll slowly eat away at those pesky feelings you’ve got and help you face those fears one small step at a time.
” My lips quirk at his pesky comment, it’s those descriptive words he uses that seem to break the ice encapsulating my heart every single time.
“Okay, let’s try that,” I plead.
“First of all, I want to say this. I love you, Britton. I’ve loved you since the moment our eyes met across that field.
I love your sass, your wit, and most of all, I love the way you banter with me without taking anything personally.
You are my perfect match.” He grips my chin with his fingers and tilts my head up.
I hadn’t realized I’d buried my face in his chest when he declared his feelings.
I wasn’t trying to hide, I was trying to absorb them.
“So now, I’m gonna ask you, baby girl. Do you love me? ”
My head emphatically nods as a whisper escapes my lips, “Yes.”
“Good girl,” he praises as he wraps his hand around my neck and draws his lips to mine. “I’m gonna kiss you now. Nod your head yes if you’re good with that.” I do, lord knows I do, I nod, and nod, and nod as tears leak down my cheeks.
He has the most amazing grin on his face as he lowers his lips above mine where they hover for a few moments before crashing them to mine.
As our tongues duel, I have the most glorious premonition.
I’ve found my home. This is what I’ve needed, what I’ve longed for, what I deserve.
And Tanner, he’s the one who has helped me realize that I deserve something good, something special, something profound.
Every bad thing that’s ever happened to me was worth it because it led me here, to him, to LoneStar, to Tanner, to mine.
No matter what face he’s wearing, he belongs to me and I accept him, warts and all.
When we pull apart to add some much-needed oxygen in our lungs, I finally feel something I’ve never felt before—I feel free, alive, and ready to face the world. I don’t want to hide anymore, I want to expose myself because at the end of the day, I know he’ll catch me.