Chapter 47
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
The Apartment
Brooks put the kettle on for tea and then sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. I was in bed, propped up against the wall, cocooned in a blanket.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Stupid.”
He looked at me, his gaze sharp. “You’re not stupid.”
“I’m all kinds of stupid,” I said, wetting my dry lips.
“Stupid choice number 1: I went to Prospector’s Peak without any bear spray.
Stupid choice number 2: I walked alone on a trail.
Stupid choice number 3: I dropped my phone and didn’t know until I fell in a literal mine shaft . . . Should I go on?”
“Don’t think you have to, Freckles. That’s enough of a list to keep my blood boiling for years.”
“I lost my glasses,” I muttered. “I have a spare pair, though.”
“Where are they? I’ll get them for you.”
“Bathroom drawer.”
Brooks was already standing and went to retrieve them. The tea kettle started to whistle. He came out of the bathroom and handed me the glasses case and then went to turn off the burner.
But then he just stood there.
“Brooks?” I asked.
“Can you have chamomile?” he asked, looking at me. “In your . . . condition.”
“Condition,” I repeated slowly. My hand went to my belly.
He nodded.
“Yeah, I can have it.”
He took a deep breath and gripped the edge of the counter and bent his head.
I gave him a moment to get himself under control.
Finally, he began to move again. He made me tea with a big dollop of honey. The sound of the spoon clanking against the mug was the only noise in the apartment.
I took the tea from him and wrapped my hands around the mug, breathing in the steam.
“I’ll be there for you and the baby. Even if you don’t want to be in a relationship with me. I won’t abandon you or the baby. I swear it.”
His face was wreathed in anguish, as if the words he spoke caused him physical pain.
My lips trembled. “I was going to give you the out, Brooks.”
His brows slashed together. “Give me an out? Why?”
I swallowed. “I had a bit of time to think down in that shaft. I wasn’t sure that I’d . . . make it.”
The words were ugly. Painful.
“But I realized something while I was down there. I’m not good enough for you, Brooks. I’m weak and I have no courage.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he growled. “You quit your job and moved across the country without a plan. You changed everything about your life. No courage? Are you serious?”
“I told you to go,” I whispered. “Yesterday, after you told me about your road name. I—I couldn’t handle it, and I told you to go because I wasn’t strong enough to face it.”
His gaze softened. “Because you needed space. Time to process.”
I paused and then shook my head slowly. “I shouldn’t have told you to go.
I should’ve begged you to tell me the entirety of it.
The whole truth. Because you didn’t give it to me, Brooks.
You gave me just enough truth that I nearly hung myself with it.
It wasn’t until Archer came by last night and . . .”
“Archer came here?”
“Yes.”
“What the hell did Archer say?” he demanded.
“He told me how you got the name Ripper.”
“I told you how I got the name Ripper.”
“No. He told me about them. All of them.”
He paused. “He shouldn’t have told you.”
“You’re right. He shouldn’t have told me.
You should have. By trying to protect me, you let me think the worst. And because I didn’t trust myself and my judgement about you, I did think the worst. And when I thought about the fact that I was pregnant .
. . I was terrified. Terrified that I’d fallen in love with someone I didn’t even know.
That my child’s blood would be half yours—and it wouldn’t be . . .
“But I do know you, Brooks. And Archer taking the chance and telling me what you couldn’t, only made me realize how much I do know you.
I know in my heart that you’re a good man, and as crazy as it sounds, what you did, and why you did it .
. . that proves it. And it made me sick to think that I’d let you walk out of my life because of your past.”
“Poet,” he whispered.
“No, let me finish. You’ve loved me. All of me.
From the beginning. Down in that shaft, I realized I hadn’t loved you the same way.
Because I was too afraid to. Well, I’m not afraid now, Brooks.
I want you. I want every dark part of you.
Every secret. Every memory that haunts you.
I want to know it all, because I want to share a life with you—not just the good stuff.
And I know there’s so much more good to you than bad.
God, Brooks. Can you ever forgive me for not trusting you? ”
Brooks got off the chair and knelt before me on the floor. He placed his hands by my thighs and peered up at me, his heart in his eyes. “Can you ever forgive me for trying to protect you from who I used to be?”
I held the mug in one hand and stroked a finger across his cheek with the other. “Everything you’ve ever done makes you the man you are now. I know you’d never hurt me or our baby. I’ve never worried about that.”
“No?”
I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have been dreaming of having your babies if I thought you’d ever hurt me. It’s why your past was such a shock. I couldn’t seem to reconcile it with the man you’ve shown me.”
“I hid it from you,” he said.
“Yes.”
“I didn’t want my past to fuck this up.”
“I know that too,” I said gently.
He turned his head and kissed my finger and then he took it into his hand. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Well, maybe not everything. For the sake of legalities. But other than that, I’m an open book.”
“I don’t need to know. Unless you want to tell me. Then I’ll listen.”
“I’m not Ripper anymore.”
“I know.”
“But I’ll always protect you.” His hand splayed across my belly. “I will always protect our babies.”
“I know that too,” I said, leaning forward and brushing my lips across his. “Babies?”
“Can’t have just one, Freckles. She’ll get lonely.”
He smiled against my lips.
I smiled back.
“Drink your tea,” he commanded, finally pulling back and getting up off the floor.
“Yes, sir.” I took a dainty sip. “So, are you going to tell me about Gina?”
“What do you want to know about her?” he asked.
“Why did you dissolve your ties when you did?”
“Danger had passed. And she met someone,” he said with a wry smile.
“So in biker world, you got a divorce.”
“If you want to call it that. But when you and I tie the knot, it’ll be forever.”
My lips quivered. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Mountain lion!” Brooks yelled, his arms falling from around my body as we lay in bed.
“Ow.” I rubbed my ear and sat up.
We’d been curled up for the last hour, our legs intertwined as he held me. I’d been deliriously happy just to listen to the rhythm of his heart and every now and again he’d shake me to ensure I hadn’t fallen asleep.
“Mountain lion,” he repeated, shooting up and facing me.
“So you yelled not two seconds ago,” I grumbled.
“You were being stalked by a mountain lion.”
“Yes.” I cocked my head to the side. “I guess the delayed lecture is now coming to fruition?”
“That’s it. From now on you’re carrying.”
“Carrying? Carrying what?” I asked.
“A pistol.”
“I don’t want to carry a pistol,” I said in knee-jerk reaction. “I’ll carry bear spray.”
“You’ll carry that too,” he stated. “Don’t argue with me. And next time we have another fight, you’re texting me if you leave and where you’re going, and you will not walk in the woods without protection.”
“When we have another fight?” I asked, my lips trembling with the urge to smile. “You think that’s inevitable, do you?”
“Of course I do,” he said. “We’re going to have tons of fights.”
“We don’t have to. You could just admit you’re wrong now and forever and save us the trouble.” I grinned up at him.
“Cheeky,” he said with a wide smile of his own before leaning down and kissing my lips.
“What will we fight about?” I asked in amusement.
“We’re fighting right now about you carrying a pistol.”
“Hmm. Point taken.
“I imagine we’ll fight about when to have a second baby.”
I raised my brows. “Thinking that far ahead, are you?”
He nodded. “One in this apartment we can handle. A second? No way. Plus, the bookstore will be a huge success and fitting in another baby will take some planning.”
“Like we planned the first one?” I snorted.
“Yeah, how did that happen?”
“Apparently, you can get pregnant on your period. Something about early fertile windows and sperm living up to five days. It’s possible you had some strong ones camping out.”
“I’ve got smart sperm.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”
“But I’m right, yes?”
“About smart sperm? More like tenacious, but sure, I’ll give you that.”
“No, I meant about the second baby,” he murmured.
“Why are you thinking about a second baby when the first one isn’t even here yet?” I asked in exasperation.
“We’re going to need a house, Freckles,” he explained. “I’m just thinking ahead.”
“Oh,” I said, my insides going all mushy.
“I never thought ahead before,” he said quietly. “Not really. Not until you.”
“Brooks,” I whispered, tears collecting in my eyes.
“I’m going to buy you the house that you want. Or I’ll build it. And I’ll give you as many babies as you want.”
“What do you want, Brooks?”
He cradled my face in his hands. “Just you, Freckles. All I want is you.”