CHAPTER 38
ANIKA
The lights go out exactly three seconds after I enter the room. I came in to have some me time. Don't get me wrong, I loved spending time with everyone, but with Aarav constantly being around, and me being on edge, it frayed my nerves. I needed a little break. "Ugh." I groan into the dark.
Of course. Of course. I freeze in place, waiting for my eyes to adjust, but all I get is the sound of rain pounding against the windows and a low rumble of thunder that crawls across the sky like it’s got something personal against me.
It does feel personal, considering it’s raining; never in my life has it rained around Holi.
I fumble for my phone, blindly sweeping my hands across the bed. “Where is it?” I mutter, patting the sheets like an idiot. “Come on, come on—”
Another growl of thunder cuts through the quiet, louder this time, and I jump. My hand trembles a little, ridiculous as that sounds. I try to tell myself to chill. I’m not ten anymore. I’m not stuck outside school in the middle of a storm, scared and crying, waiting for someone to show up.
But some fears? They stay. Aarav knew that back then. He sat beside me without a word and held my hand like it was no big deal. I didn’t even ask.
He just knew. I shake my head. That was a long time ago. Still, I feel it—that same uneasy weight in my chest building again. I groan, frustrated now, reaching for anything—a switch, a lamp, my sanity—and instead, I bump into a body.
A warm, solid body. My breath lodges in my throat.
What. The. Hell.
I yank back on instinct, heart hammering so hard it hurts. I can’t see anything; it’s pitch black. My pulse screams danger, and without thinking, I grab the book I was reading off the side table and swing.
Before it connects, a hand catches my wrist mid-air. “Anu,” his voice says, low and calm, “it’s me.”
My entire body slumps in relief. “God, Aarav,” I whisper, clutching my chest. “Are you trying to kill me?!”
He lets go of my wrist, and I swear I can feel his smile, even if I can’t see it. “I did knock.”
“Oh please,” I snap. “It’s pouring, the power’s gone, and you’re sneaking up on me like some… storm-loving ninja.”
“Storm-loving ninja?” he echoes, amused. “That’s new.”
“I was two seconds away from breaking your nose.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time you hit me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you deserve it,” I mutter, rubbing my wrist. “Seriously, you scared me.”
I can feel his eyes on me, even in the dark. His gaze burns through my soul. “You still hate thunder?” he asks, his voice gentler now. Quieter.
I hate that he knows. I hate that he remembers. “I don’t hate it,” I lie.
Silence engulfs us. We both know he can easily see through my lies. “You always loved the rain. But when the thunder hit, you used to shut your eyes and count in your head like it would make it stop.”
God. Why does he know me so well? “Why are you bringing all this up?” I snap.
He doesn’t answer.
Another flash outside lights up the room for a second. I catch the outline of his face, standing close, way too close, and then it’s gone. Just blackness again.
I wrap my arms around myself. “Why are you here?”
There’s a pause. "Because it's our room.
" He replies. Yes, it is, but I need some space if I don't want to spiral myself thinking about him even more. “Besides, I was looking for you. Aditi was downstairs screaming at Kajal for cheating at Uno, and you weren’t there. So... I checked here.” He continues.
He steps closer. "Are you fine?" He asks, and I take a small step back.
“Don’t,” I whisper.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m not even sure you can see my face right now,” he says, slightly amused.
“Still,” I murmur. “Whatever this is... Aarav, I can’t.
I’m trying so hard to focus, and you’re just—” I don't know what I am trying to say here, but I need him to understand because it's becoming very difficult for me to control my stupid heart, and I have a bad feeling my mind is in on this with my heart.
I can't seem to think reasonably when it comes to Aarav. Every time I remind myself this is just for six months, this is just a contract, a paper thing, all I can come up with is that it's too little. You only live once; enjoy the time you have got with him. I mean, what the hell does that mean?
“I’m just what?” He whispers, cutting through my thoughts as he steps nearer, if that's even possible.
“You’re driving me crazy,” I snap, unable to take it. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I wake up and you’re there in my head. I fall asleep, and you’re still there. Even when I’m trying to forget what we were… you keep pulling me back.”
There’s silence. I expect him to pull away. I expect him to throw some smug remark; instead, his voice comes, soft but steady. “I can’t stop either.”
I shake my head, suddenly hot and cold all at once. “Please stop saying things like that.”
“I can’t.” He says, his hands now on my waist. His touch burns my skin. Like a hug. “Anika, you’re on my mind more than I am on yours. And that’s saying something. Everything about you drives me crazy,” his hold on me tightens.
“Stop it—” I push at his chest, but he doesn’t budge. I don’t really want him to. And I hate that about myself right now. He lifts his hand again and cups the side of my face. His thumb brushes my cheekbone.
“Your hair,” he murmurs, and I feel his lips press into it softly. “Your eyes.” He kisses my eyelid as they flutter close. “Your voice.” A soft kiss to my temple.
My entire body stills. I know what’s about to happen. I should stop it. I should say something. But my breath catches, and something inside me shatters as if it's been waiting to shatter.
He leans in. And I don't push him away. Stupid me, you are going to regret it. Anika, you better act now . But the only action I take is that I lean in too.
Like I’ve lost the thread of logic entirely and my body is working on its own accord. Like something inside me finally gave up pretending. My mind knows what’s happening, knows how close we are to the edge—but my lips still find his.
And it’s everything. Familiar. New. Gentle.
Terrifying. His hand slides to the back of my neck as he deepens the kiss, and I let myself fall—into him, into this moment, into something I spent years trying to keep buried.
I had always imagined this, and somehow it's far better than everything I ever thought.
The kiss is soft but deep; it's absolutely perfect.
It’s only when the lights flicker back on that I come back to my senses and yank myself away. My breath is ragged. His eyes are blown wide.
We’re both frozen, caught in the silence and soft glow of a 40-watt bulb.
“What have I done?” I whisper, more to myself than to him.
Because I already know the answer. Everything . I’ve done everything wrong. And I’m not sure I want to undo it.