Chapter 15
Celani
The next few days I feel like I’m floating through the air being with Killian. We go out during the day and walk around Town Park in the city, enjoying a few days of beautiful Fall weather.
We talk about a few of the jobs he has done before he came to me, as much as he can divulge, and I listen fascinated hearing about all of the places he has traveled to, and the people he has worked for. He is so smart, brave and well-traveled, even more so than I thought I knew.
It makes me feel like my life and previous job were dull in comparison, but when I talk about my experiences he listens attentively taking in every word that I say. I feel like when I speak he is just as enraptured as I am with his stories about his life.
One afternoon back at home, I went into the backyard to rake up more leaves that had fallen from the tall oak trees there. I put my shyness aside and decided to finally make a huge pile the way I’ve been wanting to do like when I was a kid.
Killian insisted on doing most of it himself, but when I tried to entice him to jump inside with me he shook his head.
“Come on!” I exclaimed, setting down my rake and smiling up at him. “Didn’t you love jumping in leaf piles when you were a kid?”
He frowned and shook his head again, and my heart dropped. The one part of his life he maneuvers around when talking to me is his childhood with his grandfather, and I’m guessing it is for good reason. He’s told me about moving around with him a lot but not what their day-to-day life was like.
I walked over to him and he stared down at me as I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. He stood there frozen for a moment until his arms wrapped back around me too. I didn’t know what to say, and it was fine that he didn’t want to explain.
Sometimes we don’t need explanations to understand.
I pulled away and grabbed his hand and dragged him with me to the leaf pile. He scooped me up bridal style and I laughed as he swung me gently into the pile. I fell through the leaves until they were over my head, then I stood up and kicked my way out of them with a big smile on my face.
Killian stood there with his big arms folded over his chest looking amused. I threw some leaves at him and he arched an eyebrow at me, giving me a look full of warning.
It was as much participation as I could hope to get from him.
When I was done and thoroughly tired, he took me inside and insisted I sit down while he made the tea this time.
We haven’t kissed again since the other night in the kitchen, but there’s a charged intimacy growing between us still all the same.
I can’t say that the guilt of my increasing feelings for him doesn’t tug at my conscience at times. Especially when Pierce comes home in another dark cloud of doom, and I am still feeling high from being with Killian all day.
The only person I trust to talk through my conflicting emotions with is Desirée, who tells me in not so nice language, to dump Pierce and move back home to Verona with Killian.
I need to start piecing together the best way to move forward, but I keep thinking what that would also mean for Killian and me.
When this job is over, will we be over too?
Is there even a “we”, or is this all just more than I am making it out to be?
The way he looks at me and speaks to me makes me feel that there must be something real growing between us.
I’ve grown so close to him and feel like I’m falling faster than I could have ever imagined.
The thought of him leaving to go to another assignment, possibly in another country, fills me with dread.
I’ve never let myself fall for a man without thinking, and overthinking, every detail of our relationship.
However, this time allow myself to not overanalyze everything the way I normally would.
I give myself permission to finally be happy, and know that everything will work out however it is meant to.
◆◆◆
Late Saturday morning, Pierce is leaving to finish up some things at his office before we attend a charity event tonight. The thought of being at another event with him while we pretend that everything is great between us is weighing heavy on me.
This is something we were invited to months ago, and his closest friend, Tom Riley has organized the event with his wife.
However before we go, I think the two of us need to talk about the obvious disconnect between us to see if we can at least make tonight more bearable.
He came home late again last night claiming he had a work dinner, so there was unfortunately no time to hash anything out then.
Now I come upstairs after breakfast and find him in our bedroom putting on his tie. He looks up as I approach him and I notice how annoyed he looks.
“Pierce, we really need to talk,” I say calmly, watching him button up his suit jacket.
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Not now, Celani. I have enough on my mind,” he snaps, grabbing his cell phone off of the bed.
I furrow my eyebrows at his harsh tone.
What could possibly have crawled up his ass already this morning?
I don’t let his impatience deter me. “When are we going to be able to have a conversation then? You’re always too busy lately,” I respond, following behind him as he leaves our bedroom.
He stops outside of our bedroom door and scrubs a hand down his face before staring at me blankly. I take a breath and try to keep the irritation out of my voice as I try again.
“What is going on with you, Pierce? You seem so stressed out lately, and you've been so rude to me. Do you want to have another bad night together?” I ask quietly.
He continues to look at me for a long moment, and I swear I can see a hint of worry in his eyes before he shakes his head.
“No,” he mumbles, clearing his throat. “No I don’t. I just.. things at work have just been a bit overwhelming. I know my mood hasn’t been the best,” he finally responds.
I frown at the obvious disingenuousness of his words. I don’t believe that the way he has been treating me is just about having a busy schedule. But he’s already looking at his watch and side-stepping to the staircase before I can respond.
“I’m sorry, Celani but I really do need to go. There is a lot that I have to get through today so I can get home at a decent time to get ready for the fundraiser tonight,” he says, as we walk down the stairs.
When we reach the front door, he leans down to give me a kiss, but I turn my head and it lands on my cheek instead of my lips.
He looks surprised for a moment as he pulls away but he just lets it go and opens the door. “I’ll see you this evening,” he murmurs.
“Right,” I agree, watching him leave and shut the door behind himself.
◆◆◆
A colorless sky hangs through the afternoon with a steady rain falling from the clouds. Killian came over as soon as Pierce left for work, and I decided to spend a few hours baking desserts to say thank you to him and the rest of his team.
He sits at the island watching me as I place my last batch of cookies onto a baking rack to cool down.
“What’s going on with you, sweetheart?”
I stop moving the cookies and tilt my head at him. “What do you mean?”
He points to the island full of cookies and cupcakes. “You’re quieter today and you’ve made enough desserts to start a bakery. You’re rage baking,” he comments, sitting back in his seat.
I laugh at how well he knows me already and the corner of his mouth lifts. Cooking is always my stress reliever. I wipe my hands on my apron and lean against the counter.
“I don’t think it’s rage as much as it is annoyance. I tried to talk to Pierce today about some things but he just shut me down before I could even begin. I guess it just started my day off on the wrong foot,” I explain.
Killian’s amusement melts away the more I speak, and I shake my head knowing that he’s getting upset.
“It’s ok, Killian. I just-I’m wondering something. When Pierce is working late, and with Malakai, is he really going to meetings every time?” I ask warily.
I know it may be ridiculous for me to be concerned about Pierce cheating at this point when I’m falling for Killian.
But there have been quite a few times before Killian was here that I had my suspicions.
It was nothing that I could ever prove, and of course the one time I asked him outright, Pierce was quick to act like it was an insane question.
Killian nods. “Yes. Last night Malakai drove him to Oaks restaurant and he was in a private dining room with a few men from his work. But..” he trails off and my eyes widen.
I push off of the counter and come over to his side. “But what?” I urge.
He taps his fingers on the island looking unsure if he should continue before he speaks.
“Malakai mentioned that he feels like something is off with Pierce. He’s with him the most and I trust his judgement,” he explains carefully. “Maybe it’s just shit going on with his work, but I want to be sure. I promise you I’ll figure out if it’s something more.”
He stands up and steps in front of me, taking my hands in his.
“Just don’t let him know that you suspect anything is wrong. I know that’s hard to do right now, but I just don’t trust him, Celani,” he says firmly.
I blink at him in disbelief, realizing that he thinks there may be more going on than I even suspected with Pierce.
“Why do you think that Killian?” I ask, letting out a nervous laugh. “Pierce is an asshole but he isn’t dangerous.”
He doesn’t join in with my attempt at humor, and my stomach sinks further.
“I just have my reasons. Little signs that we look for with people. I don’t want to worry you with them when I don’t know for sure that anything is really wrong. Just give me time, ok?” he responds.
"Ok, Killian. I will," I agree, even though my mind is racing with uncertainty.
I thought that Pierce just had a bad attitude with me and maybe was feeling like our relationship has run its course. But now I’m trying to reconcile what Killian is saying with the Pierce I know.
Though the Pierce that I knew in high school, and even a few years ago isn’t the man that he is now. Something has changed with him, and it feels like it’s been a slow decline into the closed off person he has now become.
As unhappy as I am with the way he has changed, and despite the fact that I know our relationship is coming to an end, I hope whatever Killian is suspecting isn’t true.
I truly hope that Pierce doesn’t have any secrets that will destroy him.