Chapter 19
Celani
“I made you some chamomile tea,” Killian says, keeping his arm around my waist and ushering me to sit down. “I know you like it in the evening.”
I smile and pick up the mug. “You’re so sweet, Killian. Thank you,” I say, taking a long sip. He made it just like I do. It even has the honey in it just the way I love it.
He watches me intently placing his hand on my thigh, and I put my hand on top of his. I twist my mouth thinking back to what happened in the car.
“Was Asher upset?” I ask, still worried that we overstepped boundaries in front of him.
He rubs his hand along my thigh and shakes his head. “Not at all, sweetheart. He understands,” he responds calmly.
Relief fills me. “Thank goodness. I was worried that we made him uncomfortable,” I explain. “So.. he already knew? I mean about us?”
“I only told him how I felt about you. Not that we kissed. But Asher and Malakai aren’t upset about how I feel.
We trust each other’s judgement,” he explains, giving me a thoughtful look.
“I’ve never even considered stepping over the line with a client before.
So they know that if I feel this way I know why I’m doing it.
I squeeze his hand on my leg. “You and Asher seem to be the closest out of your team?” I ask.
He looks away from me and I can tell that he is thinking how much he is going to let me know. The last time I asked him a question about his team he didn’t even pretend to answer, and I could tell that there was something he wasn’t ready to tell me yet.
I sip my tea and wait patiently until he leans forward and rests his arms on the counter fixing his eyes on me again.
“I met Asher when I was doing the contract work I told you about,” he explains, folding his hands together on the counter.
“He had been in the military for a while but had been discharged after he sustained a leg injury that was pretty bad. Fritz was his Commander for a few years before he got hurt, and by the time Asher recovered well enough, Fritz had retired and started a new business of his own. He set us up on a job together. Asher drove, and I did what I needed to do.”
My mouth falls open and I fumble for the right words. “Wait, Fritz set you two up on a job to kill someone?” I ask confused. “Your Grandfather, Fritz?”
His jaw flexes and he moves his hand back to my leg turning his body towards mine. His eyebrows pull together as he looks into my eyes.
“You know when you talk about your childhood and all of those idyllic memories you have of jumping in leaf piles, or going with friends on hayrides while you drank apple cider? That was never my life, sweetheart.”
A knot forms in my throat listening to what I feared was true about his past. I don’t respond, giving him the space to continue on, and after a few moments he does.
“Fritz wasn’t physically abusive, but he wasn’t kind either.
He treated me like a man long before I actually was one.
He’s the one who taught me how to shoot a gun to kill, and he wasn’t very happy when I told him I had no plans to follow in his footsteps and go to the military,” he explains, calmly.
“When he retired from the military I had just finished getting my BBA, and he had started his own side business contracting for people who needed help getting rid of problems. He didn’t tell me about it for a while, but eventually he needed me.
I thought he just wanted help running the business side of things.
Instead he said I had a talent and knew I could handle more. ”
His gaze leaves mine and wanders to the large kitchen window.
“Soon after my first two contracts Fritz set up, Asher came to Fritz asking for leads on a job. He was a driver in the military, so Fritz set him up to drive me to my jobs. We did a few jobs together and it was going well until Fritz..he got sick and we stopped everything for a while,” he says, his expression turning dark.
“Fritz went faster than I expected. It turned out he had been sick for a while and didn’t want to tell anyone.
I went on to start the security business with Asher six months after Fritz passed away when an old client contacted me for help again.
Asher recommended we bring on Malakai. Malakai, Davi and Floyd all lived near NYC together and Malakai had worked a few jobs with them, so he brought them on for home security.
They both knew Jules, who had once worked in security detail for the French government. ”
My head is spinning with all of the new information he’s telling me, and I feel a mixture of gratitude and sadness listening to it all.
I’m grateful that he trusts me enough to share all of this, knowing how guarded he is.
But I also feel so sad that he never seemed to be able to be just a grandson to Fritz.
He was just another little soldier to him.
Words seem to be failing me so I do the only thing I can think of and get up to wrap my arms around him.
His strong arms fold around me, and he rubs my back gently as if I’m the one who needs comforting.
I pull my head back and look into those serious green eyes of his, picturing a younger version of him.
A little Killian who not only didn’t have his parents, but grew up with the only family member who would take him in not expressing any love to him.
“I’m sorry that your grandfather treated you like just another person working for him, Killian,” I say, shaking my head. “It’s not fair that you never got to just enjoy being young. You deserved to. Every kid does.”
He strokes my cheek with his thumb, “Don’t be sad for me, sweetheart. It was a long time ago. Besides, I think I still turned out ok,” he teases.
I smile and turn my head to kiss his hand. “More than ok.”
He leans down to kiss my lips just as his watch chirps to life.
“Fuck,” he grunts as he reads the screen. “Malakai is almost back to the house.”
I frown, surprised that Pierce didn’t stay out later. He normally is one of the last people to leave any event we go to.
We let go of each other and his eyes linger on mine. I hate saying goodbye to him and going back to pretending that things are fine with Pierce. That he isn’t holding back things from me, and I’m not falling for the man he hired to watch over me.
I know Killian doesn’t want me to stir things up with Pierce until his team can figure out if something more is going on with him, but holding things in has never been a skill of mine. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.
I didn’t move to Redland to live a lie.
Killian takes my hand, studying my solemn expression.
“I know tomorrow is Sunday, so Pierce doesn’t need me to be with you. But I want you to know that I’ll be thinking about you every minute I’m away from you. Every second. I’m going to figure things out, Celani. I don’t break promises,” he says, his voice full of resolve.
Seeing how strong and determined he is makes me round my shoulders and push down my sadness.
I’m not going to wallow around here feeling sorry for myself, or stressing over what could be happening.
That won’t help anything, and I trust Killian and his team to get to the bottom of things.
Maybe I also need to do some digging of my own.
I squeeze his hand. “Thank you, Kill.”
He tilts his head at me, “For what, sweetheart?”
“For opening up to me the way you did tonight. For trusting me enough to tell me things I know you likely don’t share with everyone,” I respond.
His sharp stare softens and he swallows hard, his grip on me tightening. “I do trust you, Celani. I hope you feel the same way too. I’m not just here for you because of a job.”
“I know, Kill,” I respond, giving him a small smile.
He returns it and lets me go, stepping back from me as the front door chimes. He moves to the back doors, not bothering to wait for Pierce to come in.
He gives me one last look that is full of yearning before heading out into the darkness.