6. Raven
The nightmare is the same as it’s always been, with my ex running after me and me running away until I get myself to wake up. This time, he manages to catch up to me, and the feeling of being trapped surges like a tide and drowns me. I lose my breath, then lose my sight as darkness surrounds me, his words the only thing I hear.
There’s nowhere to run. I’ll always find you.
I scream my lungs out when hands wrap around my neck and choke the life out of me. Then I jerk awake, forcibly yanked from that moment, but now wrapped in a cold sweat and the knowledge that I will be haunted by that forever. When I still hear the words ringing in my ears, panic surges and I can’t breathe all over again.
Then his hands are reaching for me and?—
“Hey. Hey. It’s me. Christian. I won’t hurt you.”
The words are soothing, not menacing. The voice is deep, low, and husky, with a tinge of concern that has me understanding that no, this isn’t Sam and I’m no longer in California. This is Sweet Haven, where Honey Lee lives, a town that’s hundreds of miles away from where he got me cornered.
And the man beside me isn’t him, but the one tasked to protect me.
I sag, the relief so stark and heavy. Hands reach out tentatively, then more firmly to encase me in a hug. I know I should be more courageous and my will stronger.
But I collapse in his arms, unable to stop the trembling that starts from my stomach and spreads to the tips of my toes. My mind returns to that tidal wave of helplessness and I can’t help the distressed sound coming from my throat.
“I had a nightmare.” I blurt it out, my teeth chattering.
“I know. I heard.” His hand moves to my arm, drawing me closer, and his voice is so close, too. They work to provide warmth, fighting the coldness around me. “How often do you have nightmares?”
“I don’t know.” But talking seems to stave off the panic, so I make an effort. “It used to be every day. Lesser when I moved, but…”
“Is it always the same?”
“Yes and no. It’s always him running after me wherever I try to go or hide, but different versions. Sometimes, he runs slow and I have a chance. Other times, he runs fast and it’s suffocating. Tonight…he caught me. He tried to…”
My breath hitches, but his warm hand splays over my back, rubbing repeatedly.
“Whatever that nightmare was, know that it’s only there because it can’t get to you in real life.”
“What?”
“You’re safe in real life.”
Safe. It’s a word that I haven’t heard in a long time, but my hope is fierce. So is my uncertainty.
“What if my nightmares take over?”
“You’re a strong person. You keep riding it until it fades over time. It won’t be easy, but nothing in life is easy and you’ll be able to fight your demons soon.”
Something in his tone tells me he understands on a different level, maybe because he has his demons to fight, too. I imagine being a Navy SEAL has its own set of traumas, depending on what they’ve gone through, and being an owner of a protection agency also comes with bad experiences. In a way, he connects to me like no one else has.
Honey Lee tries, but she lives in a peaceful town and is married to the love of her life. I love her, and I know she worries, but she can’t truly understand.
It’s strange that Christian’s the one who does.
“Your ex must have known you’re a strong person, too. That’s why he’s hiding.”
I blink, brought back from my reverie.
“He wasn’t like that in the beginning.”
“How long were you guys together?”
I bite my lip and hesitate, then realize his curiosity stems from a non-malicious place.
“A year, give or take. He was great at first. Attentive, funny, very sweet. Then he lost his job and became very frustrated with his life while I…thrived. I loved my job and the kids. The next thing I know, he’s telling me what to wear and always keeping tabs on me. If I get home on time. If I’m late. If I hang out with a co-worker after work, even if it’s a female one. If there’s no food on the table when he does get home after his job hunting or I’m still out.”
Hands tighten around me, then loosen. But like a train wreck, I can no longer stop.
“I broke up with him when he punched my co-worker. My co-worker was married and I was having dinner with him and his wife. He tried to win me back, but I realized I didn’t love him and didn’t want him back.” A pause. “That was almost a year ago.”
“He stalked you for a year before you asked for help?”
“He kept calling and sending roses, then stopped for a few months, so I thought things were okay. Then I would get random bouquets and printed notes, but it wasn’t until he started writing them that I realized it was him. I found notes wherever I went, and one time…” My chest tightens. “I found a bloodied teddy bear in the library I frequented…the table I always sat in. He was upset that I hadn’t returned his calls.”
“Shit.”
“The note threats didn’t come until a month later, with him telling me the things he’ll do if he caught me alone…which he did, a lot of times, begging to talk, but in public. So, I always walked with groups. And I was always careful. I even filed a restraining order.”
“But he broke into your home.”
My body trembles again, an icy feeling slithering in. I nod. “Yeah. He caught me when I was just closing the door and forced his way in. It’s all blurry from there, but I remember talking to him and pretending that we’d be fine until I could run for my bedroom. Then I locked the bedroom door and called the cops from the bathroom.”
“Smart girl. See? He never had a chance.”
“But he almost did. Because I wasn’t careful.”
“He tried. But he failed.”
“And he’s still hiding from the cops. He’s biding his time.”
“Except you’re here now and he can’t find you. And you have me.” The last words sink in. “I’ll protect you, Raven. I promise that I’ll move heaven and earth just to make sure he doesn’t lay a finger on you again.”
There’s so much fierceness to his tone, along with a sincerity that I know stems from the truth. He’s not lying for the sake of diplomacy. This here is the true Christian, the one who made it his lifetime goal to protect people in need.
“Moving heaven and earth might be an impossible task.”
I don’t see his smile, but I feel it.
“How about breaking his fingers instead?”
It’s a violent offer, but strangely, it does wonders to ease my nerves. I nod.
“I could do with that.”
We’re quiet after that, just…I don’t know. Me basking in the promise of protection he’s offering? They’re just words, but I’ve never felt this safe since I arrived here.
Maybe it’s the knowledge that he’s a professional who knows what he’s doing. Maybe it’s all those self-defense methods he taught me, reminding me that I have avenues to explore to not be helpless again.
Or maybe it’s just him and his presence, so strong and sure, as he keeps me encompassed in so much warmth.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking care of me.”
“I mean, if you keep screaming like that, the neighbors might hear. Do you know how much they thrive on gossip?”
My eyes widen at the lightness in his tone.
“Oh?”
“My best friend’s a rockstar and my sister married him. Imagine the scandal that caused around here. Everyone wanted to know the juicy details.”
Oh, I can imagine. It makes me smile.
“I bet.” But I turn to him. “But seriously. I mean it. Thank you.”
His face softens.
“Anytime.”
“It helps. It helps a lot. You helped.”
“Anytime.”
“I feel better now.”
“Good.” Then, “Raven?”
“Yeah?”
I don’t realize I’ve been looking at his mouth for the better part of the conversation, just memorizing every curve. I still remember how it felt against mine and how it just…did things that made me lose my mind and experience so much pleasure. Comprehension dawns that the intimacy is still there…and that I’m in his lap, tucked tightly against him.
And Christian’s looking at me with a darkness in his gaze and that mouth inches from mine.
A steady hum thrums in my nerves, then my bones, already tasting the kiss for what it’s going to be: hot. Electric. Explosive. My breath stops when his hand tightens around my waist and his body tightens, too, until I can feel every delicious inch. Then his other hand reaches up?—
And he promptly moves me off his lap.
“I’m glad to be of help.”
My heart pounds hard in my chest, then my ears. I swallow back the roar of desire that floods my system in that second when I feel my butt dragging against his hard thighs before I’m on the mattress.
I’m so stupid for thinking we’ll kiss again. Of course we won’t.
That’s no longer in the picture.
“I…yeah.”
“Goodnight.”
And he’s no longer warm but back to cool and polite. I can only sit there in confusion, then resignation, as he leaves my bedroom with quick strides and closes the door with a decisive click. All the while, my head just keeps coming back to one thought as mortification takes its place.
Stupid.
Also…
He ghosted you. Don’t forget that.
* * *
I’m so quiet that all I need is to tiptoe to take it up a notch, but I don’t resort to that as I slip out of the house through the garage, then slowly open the door there, too. Christian and I have been living together for three days, with him asking me every morning how last night went. Translation: did I have another dream?
Yesterday’s answer was a solid, relieved no. But tonight’s a yes, and I don’t want to get into what I dreamed about: namely, not Sam, because Christian’s too busy occupying tonight’s thoughts and…well, let’s just say they’re not entirely clean dreams.
Stop thinking about it.
I know it’s the lingering effects of that first night when he soothed me from my nightmare, but now it’s Monday and time for preschool. Work is one of the things that will take my mind off things, so I slip into my car, more than ready to meet Honey Lee’s students, and turn on the ignition?—
“Good morning.”
The voice startles me before a shadow steps into my path. My heart leaps before I realize who it is…and then my heart leaps even more.
Christian, in the meantime, looks careful, like he doesn’t want to scare me. But he’s freshly showered with that glorious hair slicked back and wearing a new pair of jeans and a limecolored shirt. I don’t know how he does it, but I bet he can wear a sack and still look good.
Totally unfair.
“What are you doing here?”
I can’t read his expression, but his voice is mild. Cool. “Not anticipating this, for sure.”
He saunters over to the passenger seat, opens it, and slides in like the slickest man there is. I stare.
“Christian…what are you doing?”
Didn’t I tell him that besides preschool, he can monitor everything else?
Green eyes pierce mine before he puts on a pair of sunglasses. Now, he’s not just the slickest but the smuggest, too.
And with that arrogance comes a smirk that’s bound to be trouble.
“What do you think? I’m tagging along, Raven. I’m coming with you everywhere you go.”