22. Raven
I’ve never been surrounded by this much testosterone in my life, which should make it awkward for me since I normally don’t hang out with groups of men. But I don’t feel awkward. In fact, other than the times I’ve spent exploring alone with Christian, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much adrenaline and joy surging in my system, brought about by the discovery that I can be competitive in the right setting.
After boot camp, Christian decides to take everyone out to a nearby open-air restaurant, where we get a long table and pretty much just sit wherever there’s space. I sit in between Stacy and Christian, with Stacy getting enthusiastic when I reveal that I’m a preschool teacher.
“Oh, that’s awesome! My sister-in-law is also a preschool teacher. She has so much patience with kids, it’s unbelievable—and with my brother and our other siblings.”
Jack leans over from her other side. “That’s because Stacy and her siblings are also kids.”
She elbows him hard, but he laughs it off. I bite back a smile, already noticing that despite their cat-and-dog dynamic, Jack makes sure her plate is filled and his teasing doesn’t go below the belt. I wonder…
“I know what you’re thinking.”
I turn to Christian, who’s eyeing them, too, while he whispers to me.
“What am I thinking?”
“That they’ll hook up and the fighting’s just a warped type of sexual tension. But I know the others have made a bet over the years, and so far, nothing has happened between those two.”
“Maybe they’re just stubborn and want to prove everyone wrong.”
“He’s friends with her brothers. I don’t think he’ll touch her out of respect for them.”
I smirk. “You weren’t supposed to touch me, either, because I’m your client. But look what happened.”
A hand lands on my thigh, squeezing. Tingles shoot down my core while his warm breath brushes my ear. “I can’t help it. You’re too tempting.”
I shiver, then try to focus on the subject. “I’m just saying, it happens to the best of us. Even with the best of intentions, people often give in to their desires.”
“I always thought I had a bit more self-control than the average person,” he says. “Prided myself on it.”
“Well, now you know you’re no different than the rest of us mere mortals.” I bump my shoulder to his. “It’s okay. You’re in good company. I’m down here too,” I tease.
Christian laughs. “Great company.”
We keep teasing each other in low voices while more food is served and everyone dives in, hungry after all the physical activities. Halfway through my macaroni and cheese, I get a queasy feeling in my stomach and excuse myself, then run for the bathroom when my insides push at me. I reach a stall just in time to hurl my food in the toilet bowl, then stay there when my stomach keeps churning.
“Raven? Is everything okay?”
At the sound of Ingrid’s voice, I flush the bowl and leave the stall, then wash my hands on the long sink. I study myself in the mirror, then nod at her.
“Yeah. It must have been what I ate.”
“Take it easy. Drink some warm water. Do you want mints?”
I take her offer and rejoin her at our long table, but I can’t finish my food. Instead, I try to act as normal as possible, not wanting to interrupt the jolly vibe and make a big deal out of it, but Christian notices my plight and cups the back of my neck.
He frowns. “You’re sweating and cold.”
I shrug. “It’s probably just something I ate.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry.”
I offer him a smile, not wanting to make a fuss. But the longer we stay there, the more my body becomes uncomfortable as if it’s fighting something inside me. It’s a strange feeling, one I try to lock down as Christian repeatedly observes me.
I wave his worry away. I listen as Jack accepts a stupid dare and gets everyone in an uproar, then try to hide a wince when my stomach heaves. When someone suggests we head to an ice cream shop nearby for dessert, I’m the first to stand up, eager to hopefully make myself feel better with ice cream.
But I sway on my feet, my vision blurring. Before I can sit back down, hands catch me and steady me.
“Raven, you’re not okay.”
I clutch my stomach. “Maybe I’m not.”
“Jesus, you look pale.” Stacy makes sympathetic noises and pats my back. “You should take her home, Christian.”
“Too far. Can you hold her for a second?”
I should be embarrassed, but I can see that everyone has already dispersed and only a few of them are around. Christian pulls Ingrid aside to talk to her, then takes me from Stacy and guides me away.
“Take it easy, Raven,” Stacy calls out.
I wave to her, but I’m silent when Christian gets me in his car and we drive away. I try to count in my head to distract myself from the queasiness that keeps heightening in my stomach, then forget what number I’m at.
“Where are we going?”
“Camp. There’s medicine for your stomach and the cabins are well-stocked with amenities. You need to rest.”
“Are we close?”
“Not yet. Do you want me to stop at the side of the road?”
Translation: do I want to vomit?
“No. Keep driving.”
I lament that I can’t join the campfire planned for tonight, already looking forward to their stories. But I clamp my mouth shut when my body is racked with shudders, and I know I have to get to the toilet as soon as possible. We arrive at the cabin in time for me to race to the toilet, where I practically hurl my guts out before I feel pain clenching my now-empty stomach.
“Shit. Ugh.”
Dizziness assaults me, and the next thing I hurl is air. Then I feel hands resting on my shoulders.
“I’m fine, Christian. I’ll be fine. I just need to…”
“You’re not fine. Come on.”
Christian doesn’t let me go, carrying me to the tub. He removes my clothes and sets up a hot shower, then washes me with a sponge. I feel so weak that I can’t even muster up the strength to get mortified.
“This isn’t the kind of intimacy I had in mind.”
He chuckles. It’s light but worried. “I know. But it’s fine. We’ve done all those intimate things before.”
The next round of hot shower feels so good that I can’t help closing my eyes and resting my head against the wall. He washes the soap off me, then dries me up right there and carries me to bed. I reach for the robe he brings over, but the look he gives me has me staying still while he puts it on me.
“You don’t have to do this. You should be with your men. You should spend some time with them.”
“They’re grown men. And women. They’ll be fine without me.”
“But…”
“Shh. No buts. I want to take care of you.”
I shut up at his fierce tone, understanding there’s no arguing with him here. He urges me to take a pill, then guides me to lie down slowly so I won’t get dizzy again. But I’m still dizzy, so I close my eyes and try to fight it.
Silence takes over after I hear the bathroom door closing. The dizziness comes and goes, but at least I don’t feel like vomiting anymore. Then I hear footsteps and get comforted by the sounds of Christian puttering around the cabin.
“Do you co-own this place, too?”
At my question, he laughs. “No. But a good friend owns it. Most accommodations are paid, but he opens it up for free for kids’ summer camps.”
“Nice place. Soft sheets. Elegant. A-plus.”
And I wish I could enjoy it better, but here I am, my body betraying me.
“I think you have food poisoning. It must have been the macaroni and cheese since I didn’t see anyone else eating that.”
That makes sense. “Maybe.”
“I’ll talk to the restaurant about it.”
“No need. It’s probably just my stomach not agreeing to it.”
Minutes later, I can feel the space beside me dipping before his warmth envelopes me. He feels fresh and showered and smells delicious. I want to wriggle closer, but it’s like my body’s all melted and I can’t move a muscle.
Christian reads my mind, however, and pulls me in to tuck me against his chest. He kisses my forehead, then strokes my back until I’m practically humming from how soothing it feels. Greedy and no longer feeling embarrassed, I wrap an arm around his waist.
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
“No worries.”
“Sorry that you missed out on the campfire.”
“What did I say about apologies?”
“Fine. But still…”
“I’d rather be here with you. That’s why I came here with you.” His arm tightens around me. “That’s why I’m here. I like having you around.”
Despite how sick I feel, I smile. “I like having you around, too. I like you.”
“I like you, too.”
I want to say more, my heart bursting from his words, but it’s like something inside me is preventing me from doing so. Maybe it’s my sleepiness. Maybe it’s something deeper.
Whatever it is, I don’t analyze it, too tired to do so now. I stay silent instead, sighing now and then when my stomach feels queasy. But Christian makes sure it doesn’t hit me hard, his arm steady around me and the blanket he tugs up completing it.
When he kisses my forehead again, I’m in my coziest moment.
“Sleep, baby. I’ll be right here.”
The words are all I hear until I’m out like a light.