Chapter 9
Ishouldn’t.
Despite the warning ringing in his head, Holdar still found himself bending down over Trish. Did she have any idea how tempting she looked in that thin cotton nightgown? Almost as tempting as she’d looked in her bath. He’d forced himself to look away immediately but even that one brief glance was embedded in his brain - all smooth golden curves and full breasts and big rosy nipples. Those pretty nipples were almost as obvious now, beading beneath the thin cloth as she waited expectantly.
How easy it would be to tug on those tempting peaks, to find out what made her sigh, what made her moan. His cock was already pressing hard against his zipper, and her mouth parted a little as she looked up at him.
No. Just a kiss, he told himself, and very gently pressed his lips against hers. Her pretty mouth fit so perfectly between his tusks, as if she’d been made just for him. But then she stroked her tongue across his and his ability to think rationally disappeared.
“Fuck,” he groaned, kissing her hungrily.
Her arms went around his neck, holding him tightly as she kissed him back. Her body was soft and pliant beneath his, her lips just as eager and sweet. He tried not to crush her but it was impossible to ignore her lush curves. His cock swelled, aching and demanding, and he found his hand drifting down her body, the need to feel her skin against his too powerful to deny.
She gasped into his mouth when he found her thigh, impossibly soft and silky beneath his palm. He froze but she immediately tried to wiggle closer, urging his hand towards that sweet, hot place between her thighs.
“Touch me,” she whispered.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Yes, you should.” She wiggled again and his thumb brushed against her delicate folds, already damp and swollen. “Please, Holdar. I need you.”
How could he resist those words? He let his thumb delve deeper, sliding back and forth through the slick heat, doing his best to keep his touch light and gentle. She gasped again when he found her clit, her body quivering beneath him, and the intoxicating scent of her arousal made his head spin. He circled the tiny button again and again until she cried out his name and arched against his hand, shaking with the force of her climax.
Satisfaction roared through him as he gradually slowed his movements, easing her down. He’d given her pleasure and he’d done it gently and carefully, remaining in full control the entire time.
“Mmm.” Her eyelids fluttered open, her big brown eyes full of sleepy contentment. “I’ll take that kind of kiss goodnight anytime. Are you going to stay with me?”
Discipline and control only went so far. He intended to give her a firm refusal. “Not tonight,” came out instead.
She nodded, her eyes already drifting closed, and she was asleep before he was on his feet again. Sleep did not come as easily to him. He turned off the lanterns and contorted his body to fit on the small, lumpy couch. The physical discomfort didn’t really bother him. His mental discomfort was another matter.
How long had it been since he’d been this close to another person, especially such a sweet, desirable female? She was making him long for things he could never have - that he didn’t deserve to have - and he suspected it was only going to get worse. But he certainly didn’t trust anyone else to watch over her. I don’t want anyone else protecting her, he realized.
Fuck.He’d already been feeling possessive before they left Atlanta, but it was a hundred times worse now. Or perhaps it was a hundred times better. Despite all his doubts and worries and concerns, caring for her fulfilled something deep inside him. And I’m not going to fail her.
That thought followed him into his eventual sleep and perhaps that was why he began dreaming of the past. A never-ending montage of pain and anger and failure flashed through his mind. His brother’s face as he cowered away from their stepfather. The bruises his mother tried to conceal. The injuries he’d inflicted on one of his opponents in the ring. The more he tried to avoid the memories, the more they surrounded him, taunting him.
He thrashed restlessly, trying to escape, and then a warm little hand cupped his cheek. He jumped instinctively, but the touch finally penetrated the chaos in his mind and his eyes flew open as he heard a soft thud. He looked down to see Trish sitting on the floor, giving him a rueful look.
“What are you doing down there?”
“You were having a nightmare. I tried to wake you up, but then you jumped and pushed me away.”
“I pushed you?” he repeated, appalled at his own behavior.
“You were just startled,” she said quickly. “I’m fine. Give me a hand, please.”
He automatically took the hand she held out, expecting her to jump and run away. Instead she sat down next to him, wedging herself against his side in the narrow space. Her hand lightly touched his cheek again and now that he knew the source he didn’t want to push it away. He wanted to hold it there forever.
Stop that, he ordered himself, but he still grabbed her hand when she withdrew it and brought it to his mouth for a quick kiss before releasing it again.
“Do you remember what you were dreaming about?” she asked gently.
“The past.”
He could feel the expectancy in her silence and he reluctantly worked through the half-remembered images for something to tell her.
“I used to fight on the underground circuit,” he said finally, surprising himself. He hadn’t intended to share that with her.
“Underground circuit?”
“Humans who pay a lot of money to watch Others fight. It’s highly illegal but it can be very profitable, if you’re smart.”
He hadn’t been smart. He’d been young and naive and desperate. The promoters had seen him coming a mile away and managed to convince him that the pittance they paid him was the standard fee. It hadn’t even been a tenth of the usual fee but he didn’t realize that until many years later.
“If it’s still giving you nightmares, I assume you didn’t enjoy it?”
Enjoy wasn’t the right word, but to his eternal shame some dark part of him had responded to the violence.
“I didn’t like who I became.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Fuck.He should have realized that was the next logical question. He wanted to discuss this optic even less, but she was waiting and somehow the darkness made it easier.
“My family was originally from here but my father died. My mom remarried way too soon and our new stepfather moved us to the Pacific Northwest - about as far away as he could get and still be in the States. That was when he began to abuse my mom and my brother.”
“And you?” she asked softly, but he shrugged.
“I could take it. They couldn’t. I did everything I could to protect Trogar but it wasn’t enough. As soon as I found a way to make some money, I took him and ran.”
“Money from fighting?”
“Yes.”
Her hand was back on his face and he allowed himself to lean into the comfort of that touch for a moment.
“My mother refused to leave,” he added, even though she hadn’t asked. He’d come this far; he might as well expose all his failures. “The two of them had this weird twisted relationship and she insisted on staying. They’re both dead now.”
“I’m so sorry. My mother died when I was little, but the few memories I have of her are happy ones. And Daddy was always there for me.”
“I’m glad,” he said sincerely.
She wiggled against him, then sighed and tugged on his hand.
“Come to bed with me. It’s ridiculous for you to try and squeeze yourself onto this couch, and even more ridiculous for both of us to try.”
“You don’t have to stay.”
“What if you have another nightmare? Of course I’m going to stay.”
“In that case…”
He rose and guided her back to the bed, settling himself next to her. He was still fully dressed except for his boots and his belt, but that didn’t prevent him from feeling the warm press of her body against his and she nestled against him.
“Now isn’t this better?”
Too much better. That sense of rightness he’d felt earlier was even stronger now. This isn’t going to last, he reminded himself but he found himself slowly relaxing. Perhaps it was the warmth of her presence or perhaps it was simply the relief of releasing some of his past secrets but when he finally fell asleep, he slept deeply and dreamlessly - so deeply that he didn’t even realize what was happening until he woke to find a hot little mouth surrounding his cock.