Chapter 12 #2
And Tyler. In the two weeks since I arrived at Blade and Arrow, he’s become so much more than just a man I’m dating. He’s become—dare I say it?—my closest friend. I’ve shared things with him that I haven’t told anyone else. I’ve confessed nearly all of my secrets, and he’s told me his.
Oh, and the kissing. And touching. And doing almost everything short of actually having sex, which is a line I’m getting more and more eager to cross.
Do I love Tyler? Not yet.
Am I on my way? Yes.
So no, I wasn’t going to chicken out when two of his friends eloped while on a trip to the Caribbean and wanted to throw a party to celebrate once they got back home.
And I wasn’t going to hide in Tyler’s house—his very cute and cozy house that I almost immediately felt at home in—just because some of the guests in attendance might not like me.
Maybe I would have done that a year or two ago, but not now.
It’s not like I expected Owl or Stone would be rude to me.
Same with Erik and Tatum. But there was a niggle of worry I couldn’t seem to shake.
After spending two weeks—longer, with Tyler, Webb, and Indy—I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with everyone here.
But these new people were unknowns. And I couldn’t help being scared they would judge me like some of Vince’s friends did.
But they didn’t. Not even close.
Erik and Tatum were great from the moment we met. Erik told me in his quiet sort of way that he was so glad I was okay. Tatum hugged me right away and told me how thrilled she was that Tyler had met me. And she wasn’t being polite. She meant it.
Owl and Stone have been really nice, too, along with their wives. They didn’t act like they thought I was a criminal. They just treated me like Tyler’s girlfriend, and once my initial nerves settled, I discovered I liked all four of them. A lot.
“You’re always welcome to visit us out at the Refuge,” Owl offered, referring to the facility he helps run out in New Mexico, dedicated to helping people with extreme PTSD.
“Not as a client,” he added quickly. “Just as a friend. We’ve got animals—dogs, cats, goats, horses—and plenty of other activities. ”
“That would be nice,” Tyler answered. “Maybe we could head out there. What do you think, Mel? Interested?”
I was. I am. Because the idea of a trip with Tyler sounds pretty darn nice—just us, staying out in a cabin in New Mexico, riding horses and wandering the trails and watching gorgeous sunrises together. So I told Tyler yes. And he looked really happy I did.
“They all think you’re great,” Tyler says, oblivious to my meandering thoughts about relationships and sex and trips to New Mexico. “I understand why you were anxious, but trust me, you have no reason to be.”
I glance behind us at the crowd of people on the deck before turning back to Tyler. “It was just me getting in my own head. Now that I’ve met everyone, I’m not.”
“They really like you,” he insists. “Everyone on the team does, of course. Plus Eden, Bea, Noelle, and Yara. And Erik and Tatum… they’re two of the nicest people.”
“They are,” I agree. With another quick glance in Erik and Tatum’s direction, I add, “Erik told me about his PTSD. He said he still struggles with it, even years later. That it frustrated him at first because he thought he should be over it. And—” I cut myself off.
So stupid, I scold myself. Erik suffered his TBI in the same explosion that cost Tyler his leg. I’m not telling Tyler anything he doesn’t already know. And really, do I want to remind Tyler of that horrible time when he should be enjoying himself instead?
“Mel.” Tyler pulls me closer, so I have to tilt my head back to look up at him.
“You’re allowed to talk about it. When I told you about my leg, I wasn’t expecting that you’d never mention it.
” Pausing, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“And I think you’ll find that most people who come to Blade and Arrow understand how clinging and devious PTSD can be.
You can think everything’s normal, and then it just comes out of nowhere. ”
“Yeah. It does,” I agree. “But anyway. Everyone was really nice. They are nice. I’m glad I came.”
He gives me a long look as emotion works in his gaze. “Me too.” Then he flashes me a sheepish smile. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately, haven’t I?”
“What, that you’re glad I’m here?”
“Yes. I don’t want you to think I’m just saying it. I really mean it.”
There’s something in his eyes—-something deeper than friendship or affection—that makes my heart skip a beat. “I don’t think you’re just saying it. I’m not, either. I’m really happy I decided to come here. I mean… I’m glad you invited me. And that I said yes.”
“Mel.” Tyler pulls me into his embrace and brushes his lips across mine. “I don’t know how to say this without it coming out all cheesy.”
“You can say anything,” I insist. “Don’t worry how it sounds.”
“It’s just…” He hesitates. “I didn’t think I could feel this happy again. But I do. And it’s because you’re here.”
Tears spring to my eyes so quickly it’s impossible to hide them. “Tyler.”
“Too much? Too fast?”
“No.” I rise on my toes and kiss him back. “It’s not too much. It’s not too fast. It’s perfect. Because I feel the same way.”
“Ah, Mel.” He swallows hard. “You make me happy. Really happy.”
With his words comes a surge of courage. The fears holding me back from telling Tyler what I want fall away. Heart beating fast, I blurt, “Do you want to go back home?”
“Of course we can go home.” Shifting me to his side, Tyler wraps his arm around my waist. “You must be tired. I should have thought—”
He begins leading me towards his house, a small log cabin that’s nestled in the woods that begin just beyond the yard.
Tyler’s house is one of three separate residences built for added privacy—Eden and Rafe have a small A-frame a little further along the treeline, and Indy and Bea have their own little cottage just between them.
I love how Tyler’s place is still on the property, safe and sound, but when you’re there, it feels like being in the middle of nature.
We can sit out on the front porch every morning, drinking our coffee while we watch the squirrels frolicking through the trees and birds swooping from branch to branch.
And just beyond the house, further into the woods, there’s a sweet little brook with silvery fish and dragonflies that skim across the water, leaving tiny rings of ripples behind.
But as much as I love Tyler’s cabin, I don’t want to go there until I’ve told Tyler what I want.
“It’s been a lot,” Tyler soothes. “With all the people, and you’re still recovering…”
“It’s not that,” I insist. “I don’t want to go back to the house to rest. Or to get away from everyone.”
“What, then?”
I tug on Tyler’s hand so he stops. As he turns to look at me, I take a steadying breath and say, “I want to go home so we can be alone. Not to rest. But…” I kiss Tyler’s bristly jaw. “I’ve been thinking. Well, more than thinking. Wanting.”
“Wanting what?” he asks carefully.
My heart skips again. “Wanting you.”
Cautious eagerness lights his gaze. “Wanting me? Does that mean what I think it does?”
A cool breeze brushes across my arms, bringing a rush of goosebumps along with it. “Unless you don’t want to. If it’s too soon...”
“It’s not too soon. As long as you’re sure.” Tyler takes off his button-down and drapes it over my shoulders. “What about your head? Your wrist?”
“My head is fine. And my wrist is safe in its cast.” With a nervous smile, I add, “I’m a little bummed I’ll only be able to use one hand, but I think I can work through it.”
Tyler studies me, thoughts working in his eyes. Then he draws me close to his side and starts hustling me towards his cabin again.
“Um. Does that mean yes?” I ask.
Our pace speeds up. “It means yes,” he says. “Absolutely, yes.”
Anticipation fizzes inside me. A delicious ache builds at my core.
Am I nervous? Of course. I haven’t been with a man in over six years. And before Vince, there was only my high school boyfriend, who I gave my virginity to on prom night only to be dumped unceremoniously one week later. So I don’t have a lot of experience to draw on.
But it’s Tyler.
He makes me feel safe. Like as long as I’m with him, everything’s going to be okay.
And I want him. I want to see Tyler without his clothes on. I want to feel his bare skin against mine. I want to take him in my mouth and watch his careful control break. I want to know how it feels when he’s deep inside me.
We don’t talk for the rest of the short trip to Tyler’s house. We don’t need to. It’s all in the electricity zipping between us and the silent messages shared in our gazes. It’s in the desire I see simmering in Tyler’s eyes. It’s in the breathless feeling I have whenever I look at him.
When we finally reach his front door, Tyler moves me behind him as he opens it, something he does every time we enter a building together. Surveilling. Making sure it’s safe before he brings me inside. I know it’s not necessary, not here, but I just step back and let him do it, anyway.