Chapter 14
MELISSA
I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace.
As I lean back in my chair, I take a cleansing breath of the crisp morning air, clearing away the last remnants of sleep.
Oranges and golds filter through the trees, casting intricate patterns of light on the dewy grass. The shadows of night are gradually fading as the sun emerges above the horizon. A soft breeze catches the branches overhead, whispering through them.
In the distance, two birds call to each other—first strident, then warbling.
A chill moves across my bare arms, making me shiver. But it’s not a chill of fear or unease, like I’ve so often felt in the past. It’s a chill that brings with it anticipation for the warmth of Tyler’s body that awaits me inside.
Smiling to myself, I imagine crawling back into bed—Tyler’s bed, this time, not the one in the guest bedroom I’ve been using since I came to stay here—and snuggling against him.
I can practically feel his heat seeping into me as he takes me into his arms. I can picture his gaze, still languid from sleep, softening as it meets mine.
We’ll kiss; sweetly at first, and then more passionately.
Our hands will start wandering. Exploring. Memorizing the feel of each other—my soft curves and Tyler’s hard muscles, the lines of our features, and how our bodies react as our desire builds.
Then we’ll take off the last of our clothes.
Just a pair of mesh shorts for Tyler, and the oversized T-shirt and shorts I borrowed from him last night rather than going back to the guest room to find something of my own.
“I love seeing you in my clothes,” he said, with a proprietary gleam in his eyes.
“Anything you want to wear of mine, it’s yours. ”
I love wearing Tyler’s clothes, too. I love how his smell lingers on them, even though I know he pulled them fresh from the drawer, so all I should really smell is the faint aroma of detergent.
I love how protected I feel in his oversized shirt, the short sleeves so long they come down to my elbows.
Desire coils deep inside me, heavy and hot and needy. My core squeezes. I’m still slightly sore from the two rounds of sex last night—after six plus years of abstinence, I wouldn’t have expected otherwise—but it’s the best kind of ache. It’s the kind that makes me want more.
I think about going back inside to Tyler, but something makes me stay outside instead.
Glancing up at the canopy of branches above me, I catch a glimpse of a squirrel leaping from one to the next.
Oscar would like that, I think. But Oscar is still fast asleep on his doggie bed in Tyler’s bedroom, his head resting on his favorite stuffed bunny and his paws twitching slightly as he dreams.
I didn’t have to ask Tyler to move Oscar’s bed last night.
While I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, Tyler did it himself.
“I thought you’d want him in here,” Tyler explained when I came back into his bedroom.
“So I got his bed, his favorite stuffy, and I even moved his water bowl in case he gets thirsty at night.”
It’s the little things Tyler does that make me realize I’m falling in love with him.
It’s moving Oscar’s bed because he knows it’s important to me.
It’s the coffee he makes me every morning, and how he memorized just how I like it after only seeing me prepare it once.
It’s the way he checks in with me, like he did at the party last night, always thinking and worrying about me.
It’s the tray of snacks he brought me in bed last night, along with the sweet explanation, “I know you were a little anxious at the party and probably didn’t eat as much as you would have. Plus, with all the energy we expended… I thought you might be hungry.”
The Melissa of ten years ago would have wanted grand gestures and sweeping proclamations. She wouldn’t have thought of dog beds and coffee as being romantic.
But the Melissa of ten years later knows love is so much more than that.
It’s the little things we do every day to make our partner happy.
I had begun to learn it with Vince, and then he was taken away from me.
And now, with Tyler, I know it with certainty.
He doesn’t need to give me flowers or jewelry or expensive trips, though if I asked, I think he’d give them to me.
I’m happy being with Tyler just as we are.
With quiet conversations over coffee and walking Oscar through the woods in companionable silence and laughing together in the evenings while we trade off watching each other’s favorite shows.
Thinking about Tyler is like a blanket fresh from the dryer wrapping around me.
This time, when I shiver, it’s from happiness and not from the cold.
A smile pulls at my lips as I cast another look around me.
The grass is a shimmering gold and green, with faint silvery wisps rising above it as the dew evaporates.
A red-breasted bird makes a daring descent from a towering pine before rising into the sky again.
And then, almost so quickly I miss it, a chipmunk darts across the back porch only feet from me before ducking beneath it.
For a moment, I wonder what it would be like if I lived here.
Not just visiting, with a big question mark for my departure date. But living here. As Tyler’s partner. As part of the Blade and Arrow family.
I know it’s too soon to be considering such a thing. But when I think about living here, it feels right.
What would Vince say? I wonder. Would he tell me to take a chance on someone new? Would he urge caution, knowing everything I’ve been through? Or would he be hurt that I’m considering a future with someone else after I vowed to spend my life with him?
To the last, I’m sure of his answer: No. He wouldn’t be hurt. He’d be happy that I’m not alone anymore. He’d want someone he could trust to be there for me. And I know, of all the men I could have chosen, Vince would approve of Tyler.
As for being careful? Taking things slow?
Closing my eyes, I draw up Vince’s face in my mind. I remember his voice. His smile. I imagine telling him about Tyler and asking for his advice.
“Melly,” I hear Vince say, “we know life is short. If this feels right, you should go for it.” Then he pauses before adding in a more threatening tone, “But he’d better not hurt you.”
“He won’t,” I reply silently. “Tyler’s a good one. I know he’s not you. But he makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. And I think… I’m falling in love with him.”
“Good,” Vince replies. “You deserve to be happy, Melly. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
Tears sting my eyes as Vince’s voice fades away.
I’ll always love him. Always miss him. But maybe it’s time.
Except Tyler doesn’t know everything. He knows almost all of it. Except the one thing I never talk about.
“Mel?”
At the sound of Tyler’s voice, I twist around to look at him. He’s standing in the open doorway that leads to the kitchen, wearing those sexy mesh shorts and a plain white T-shirt. His hair is rumpled, and his eyes still have a bleary look to them.
“Morning,” I reply. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
He frowns slightly as he closes the door and makes his way across the porch to me. “No, surprisingly. I usually wake up at the smallest sound. But I slept right through you getting up.”
“I was trying to be quiet. Since we went to bed so late last night.”
Tyler reaches my chair and just looks at me for a moment. His gaze moves carefully across my face, like he’s searching for something hidden. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Did you have trouble sleeping? Or—” His brows pull into a worried V. “Was it last night?”
I shake my head quickly. “It wasn’t last night. Last night was amazing.”
“Was it my bed? I can get one of those memory foam mattress toppers if it’s too hard. Or do you want different sheets? A thicker blanket?”
“Your bed was fine.” I smile to reassure him. “I just woke up early, is all. And once I woke up, my mind started going, and I knew I wouldn’t fall back to sleep. So I thought I’d come out here to enjoy the sunrise.”
Tyler looks at my arms, which are covered with goosebumps. Then he bends down, lifts me into his arms, and sits down with me on his lap. “You’re cold,” he states, looking unhappy about it. Turning me sideways, he hugs me to his chest and rubs my arm to warm it.
“It’s not too bad,” I reply. “Just a little chilly.”
“I don’t want you getting sick.”
“I won’t.” Feeling thankful I thought to brush my teeth before coming out here, I press my lips to his. “And I’m already feeling much warmer.”
The worry in Tyler’s eyes eases. “Good.” He kisses me back. “So. Were you just thinking about random things? Or anything you want to talk about?”
My stomach jumps. An involuntary shiver runs through me.
“Mel?”
“I was thinking about how nice it is here,” I say, starting with the easy part. “And how happy I am.”
“That’s good.” One eyebrow raises. “But I get the feeling there’s something else.”
My stomach leaps again. After a steadying breath, I admit, “One thing.”
“What?” he asks. “If there’s something bothering you, I want to know. Otherwise, I can’t help.”
Heaviness presses on my chest as I say, “It’s nothing you can help with. It’s just… it just is.” Taking another deep breath to build my courage, I add, “It’s not that I was intentionally keeping a secret from you. It didn’t seem relevant at first.”
Tyler’s brow creases. “What didn’t seem relevant?”
“When we weren’t dating yet. And then when we just started. I didn’t think we needed to get into it yet. But now… it’s only fair that you know.”
“Know what, Mel?” He brushes my hair away from my face. “You can tell me anything. I won’t get upset. I promise.”
“I know we’re not at that point yet. We might never be. But after last night… I don’t know what you want for the future. But there’s something I’ll never be able to give you.”
“Mel?”
My gaze drops to my lap. “When Vince died, I was pregnant.”
Tyler sucks in a sharp breath. “Mel.”