Chapter 18 #3
“It’s nothing,” I insist. “Just a bug. Or stress affecting my digestive system.”
“Or…” Eden gives me a long look. “I know this is being extremely nosy. But is it possible you’re pregnant?”
I’m already shaking my head before her question is fully out. “No. It’s not possible.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” My voice catches. “I can’t get pregnant. I had… after Vince died. I had a miscarriage. The doctors said I can’t anymore.”
Eden’s mouth falls open on a shocked gasp. Then her eyes fill with tears. “Oh. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” Another lie. It’s not okay. It just is.
After another pause, longer this time, Eden says quietly, “Please don’t be mad at me for suggesting this. But the human body; sometimes it heals itself in ways we never expect. Sometimes doctors are wrong. And sometimes… fate intervenes when we least expect it.”
“I can’t be,” I insist. “I—”
I stop.
Because the nausea, the dizziness, the weak legs—that was an odd one the first time around, but after some research, I discovered I needed more protein—all feel eerily familiar.
But my period. I’ve always gotten it like clockwork. I’m never more than a day or two late, even when I’m stressed. Except…
It’s a week late. In all the chaos, I completely forgot.
Everything else fades into the background as the breathless thought crashes into me.
Could I be pregnant?
“I have some extra tests,” Eden offers. “From when we were trying. Do you want to use one? Just in case?”
“But I’m only a week late,” I reply weakly. “It’s too soon.”
“These are early response. They’re supposed to detect pregnancy before the first missed period.”
For a second, I just look at Eden, reeling from the possibility.
Could I be?
Or am I just setting myself up for yet another disappointment?
Finally, almost hesitantly, I nod. “I guess I’ll try one. Just to see.” Just as Eden rises from the couch, I add quickly, “But I’m sure it’s negative. The doctors said—”
“Maybe,” she interrupts in a kindly tone. “But this way, you’ll know for sure.”
And there’s really no argument for that.
So I take the test when Eden hands it to me.
I go back into the bathroom and pee on the little stick, not quite believing I’m even considering the possibility.
Then I put the test on the counter, set the timer on my phone, and spend the next few minutes cleaning the toilet with the supplies I found beneath the sink instead of watching the invisible blue line, like I really want to.
“A watched pot never boils,” my mom liked to tell me. “It always feels ten times longer when you’re watching. If you find something else to do, the time passes so much faster.”
And like most things mothers say, it turns out she’s right. Because just as I’m washing my hands after putting away the cleaning supplies, the timer buzzes.
My heart jumps to my throat.
My chest squeezes so tightly I can’t take a full breath.
When I reach for the test, it feels like I’m watching my hand move in slow motion.
Then I pick it up.
I look at the indicator window.
And there.
Oh.
Two lines.
There are two lines.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until a drop of water lands on my hand.
“Melissa?” Eden softly raps on the door. “Are you alright? Do you—”
I open the door and hold the test out to her. In a shaking voice, I ask, “Does this say what I think it does?”
She inspects the test stick for a second, then raises her gaze to mine. A smile blossoms across her face. “It says you’re pregnant.”
At her confirmation of what I already suspected, fear and joy and confusion slam into me at once. And I cry even harder.
Eden’s smile fades. Her face clouds with confusion. “It’s not good news, then?”
“Yes,” I sob. “No. I don’t know.”
“Tyler will support you,” she says. “If you’re worried. He’ll be thrilled. I’m sure of it.”
But will he?
After I told him I couldn’t get pregnant? After I said it was safe to have sex without protection? Will he really be okay with this? Or will he think I tricked him?
And what of our relationship? If he doesn’t want to be with me now… I won’t pressure him into being with me just because of a baby. That wouldn’t be right. Especially when the possibility of me getting pregnant was never on the table.
I want to be happy. But how can I, knowing Tyler might hate me for this?
Feeling weak all over, I sink onto the toilet lid, still clutching the test in my hand. “I told him I couldn’t get pregnant. He’s going to feel like I tricked him.”
Eden sits on the edge of the bathtub, facing me. “No, he won’t. Tyler’s not like that.”
Maybe. Maybe not.
“He’s going to break up with me,” I blurt, as all my worries and hurts come pouring out. “He said it would be a good idea for me to get a job near my parents. In South Carolina.”
“What?”
I take a shuddering breath. “I don’t want him to feel obligated to be with me. To feel like he’s trapped. He deserves better than that.”
“Melissa.” Eden touches my arm. “He wouldn’t.”
Everything is blurry through a veil of tears. “I love him.” My voice breaks. “But he doesn’t love me. And this… I’m afraid he’s going to hate me for it.”