Chapter 13
INDY
It’s like I’m perched at the edge of the waterfall again.
Except this time, I’m scared to jump.
Four-years-ago me wouldn’t have believed it.
Hesitating when I have the woman of my actual dreams stretched out beneath me.
Everything about Bea is perfect. Everything about this moment is perfect.
Except me.
I’m the broken part.
And even though Bea says she doesn’t care about my hand, it’s hard to accept it.
It’s not that I think she’s lying to me. She wouldn’t. Not about this.
She thinks it’s okay.
But that’s just in theory. What about the cold reality of it? When she’s expecting the warm touch of my skin but feels cool metal instead? Will she still want me then?
I want Bea more than anything. And she’s right here, offering herself to me.
Her skirt is hitched up to her waist, her legs spread in invitation and panties dark with excitement. Her chest is flushed as it rises and falls with her rapid breaths, and her eyes are hot with desire as she stares into mine.
One small hand comes to my cheek, so soft against the brush of my beard. As she continues to look at me, her brows pinch together. Tiny worry lines form between them. “If you don’t want to, it’s okay.”
Without giving me a chance to answer, Bea starts to wriggle out from beneath me. Bright pink colors her cheeks. “It’s fine,” she hurries to add. “I’m pretty tired—”
Shit.
What am I doing?
Why am I ruining this?
“Wait.” She’s trying to yank her skirt back down, but I catch her wrists and lift them above her head, gently holding them in place. “Don’t do that.”
She sucks in a quick breath. Something hot and needy sparks in her gaze. “Don’t do what?”
“Don’t go.” Her wrists are so slender, I can hold both in one hand. So I do, using the other to lift her skirt to her waist again. “And don’t cover yourself.”
“Indy…” Uncertainty tinges her voice. “Are you sure?”
Shit.
I made her feel like that.
Like I don’t want her, when nothing could be further from the truth.
And just like that, a switch flips.
This isn’t about me.
It’s about Bea.
It’s making her feel beautiful.
It’s taking away her stress and giving her pleasure instead.
It’s letting her know just how perfect she is.
So I give my insecurities a firm shove to the back of my mind.
I recall Bea’s words from just a minute ago.
It won’t be weird. It’ll be perfect.
And for the first time since I woke up after surgery, perfect means something different.
Perfect isn’t having two hands. It’s not hearing with your own ears. Perfect doesn’t mean flawless. It doesn’t mean never making mistakes.
Perfect is what you make it.
And this?
This can be perfect. For us.
“I’m very sure,” I tell Bea. “I’m sorry I made you worry. But I promise you, I want this. I want you. More than anything.”
She studies my face for a second. “More than anything?”
“Anything.” I trace the line of her panties before sliding my fingers beneath them and stroking her satiny slick skin. Her breath catches as I move closer to her center. “I want you more than anything, Bea.”
Her legs spread further. “More than food?”
“Yes.” I find her swollen bud and give it an experimental tweak. Her hips jerk. “Do you like it when I do that?”
Just as she starts to answer, I do it again. This time, she lets out a small moan. Her hips thrust towards me again.
“Do you want me to keep doing this?” I ask.
Bea nods. “Yes,” she breathes. “I like it. A lot.”
Releasing her wrists, I use both hands to pull off her panties and toss them to the side. To my surprise, Bea frowns slightly once her wrists are free. And she doesn’t immediately move her arms from above her head, instead leaving them just as they were.
Desire surges.
Does she like it like that?
Does she want—
With my left hand, I keep working at Bea’s sensitive nerves, learning what she likes, what makes her hips jerk uncontrollably, what makes her go wet with excitement.
But with my right…
I take her wrists again, pinning them above her head. I keep my hold gentle, so she can easily pull free.
Her gaze heats.
Another low moan escapes.
“Do you like that?” I ask. Dipping my head, I press my lips just above her jumping pulse.
With my other hand, I slide one finger inside her. Her inner walls clutch at me. Hot heat slicks my finger.
She’s tight. So tight. And so perfect.
I’ll have to be careful not to hurt her, I remind myself. The last thing I want to do is cause Bea one moment of pain.
Bea’s eyes glaze over. “Do I like what?”
Seeing her reaction, how damn responsive she is to me…
I can’t feel insecure.
Not now. Not with her.
“Do you like it when I restrain you like this?” I gently squeeze her wrists. “If you don’t like it, just tell me. It’s okay. But if you do—”
“I do.” She sounds almost surprised. “I’ve never… I didn’t think… But with you… I do.”
A caveman-esque kind of satisfaction surges through me.
“Okay. Good.” I kiss her hard, tangling my tongue with hers, tasting a hint of berries from the hard seltzer she had earlier. Once we break apart, I add, “If it gets uncomfortable, or the metal is digging in, you tell me. Right away.”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” Bea replies. “Except.”
My heart stutters. “Except what?”
Her gaze roves across my body. “You’re wearing more clothes than me. And I don’t like that.”
With a wolfish grin, I tell her, “That, I can definitely fix.”
I’m not sure I’ve ever moved faster, honestly. I practically tear off my clothes, flinging away my shirt and pants like they’ve somehow offended me. With a growl of frustration, I wrestle my briefs over my throbbing erection. As it springs free, Bea’s eyes widen.
My inner caveman roars his approval again.
Now fully naked, I get to work on setting Bea and I on even ground. Her panties are already gone, which is a good start. The dress goes next, followed by her pale blue bra.
And then she’s naked. Gloriously naked.
Kneeling over her, I take my time memorizing every last inch of Bea’s body.
Her sweetly flaring hips. Her pert little breasts, tipped with rose-colored nipples that jut towards me in invitation.
The neatly trimmed blonde curls between her thighs.
The tiny dusting of freckles across her shoulders and chest. The little birthmark just above her left hip that begs for me to kiss it.
“Shit, Bea,” I groan. “I knew you were gorgeous. But seeing you like this…”
She reaches between us, wrapping her hand around me. Her slender fingers are cool against my heated skin. “I like seeing you like this, too. And feeling you.”
Though I didn’t think it was possible to get any harder, I do. As Bea strokes me from root to tip, pressure builds. I’m leaking steadily, my body already anticipating being inside her, spilling my seed, and filling her—
Shit.
Protection.
I know I’m in the clear. I’ve been tested, and I haven’t been with a woman in years. But just because my inner caveman wants to rush full speed ahead and damn the consequences, I need to be practical about this.
Stilling Bea’s hand, I say, “Hang on.”
Then I leap off the bed and begin a mad search for my wallet. Which, of course, isn’t easy to find because I threw my damn pants across the room. And somewhere in their travels, the wallet slipped out, so it’s somewhere in here, hiding. Silently mocking me.
By the time I locate my wallet—under the fucking dresser, of all places—Bea’s sitting up in bed, giggling, instead of laying there all sexy like I left her.
I pull the lone condom from my wallet and hold it up triumphantly. “Found it.”
Bea dissolves into laughter. “Good job.”
After a quick check of the date—still good, thank God—I stalk towards her. In a mock-stern tone, I ask, “Are you laughing at me?”
She shakes her head quickly. “No. Of course not.” But laughter is still dancing in her eyes.
I rip the package open and put the condom on. Then I crawl onto the bed and climb over Bea, pinning her hands above her head again. My lips twitch as I try to hide my smile. “I think you were laughing at me. You could have helped me look, you know.”
“I could have,” she agrees. “But then I wouldn’t have gotten to watch you run around the room naked.” She grins. “And trust me. That was definitely worth watching.”
The last fragments of my self-consciousness fall away as I laugh along with her.
And even though we haven’t even had sex yet, I know she was right.
It’s not weird.
It’s perfect.
Just like this.
I notch myself between Bea’s legs, feeling her opening for me.
Desire pulses inside me, demanding I hurry.
But.
I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t know how long it’s been.
And though I used to be able to last a long time, that was years ago.
Now the very thought of being inside Bea has me close to finishing already.
So maybe I should slow things down. Kiss her all over like I did in my fantasies.
Make her come with my fingers and mouth before I even think of anything further.
Bea wraps her legs around my hips, holding me to her. “I want you inside me. Please.”
The tip of my erection slips in, just barely.
It’s a painfully perfect tease.
“I want you to be ready,” I tell Bea through a jaw clenched from the effort of holding back. “I don’t want to rush you.”
Her wide blue eyes meet mine. “You’re not rushing me. If you recall, I’m the one who made the first move.”
True.
But it’s my job to protect her.
“You did,” I agree. Pausing, I nuzzle that sensitive spot below her jaw. “But if I hurt you…”
“It’s been a while.” A flush spreads across Bea’s cheeks. “Like… four years a while. So I know it might hurt for a second. But that’s okay.”
“It’s not okay.” The thought of Bea in pain is abhorrent.
“Indy.” She wiggles her hips against mine. “I’m fine. I promise.”
And then.
She leans her mouth close to my ear and says, “I want to know how it feels when you’re in control. When…” Her voice dips. “When you take me.”
“Is that what you want?” My voice is rough. Hungry. “For me to take control?”
“Yes.” Bea’s breath feathers across my cheek. “I would really, really like that.”
Well.
If that’s what Bea wants.
How can I say no?
So I give her just what she asked for.
I hold her wrists with one hand, pinning them above her head.
I drape her legs over my shoulders, spreading her wide.
And shit, is she gorgeous.
All of her.
Just before we join, I allow myself a moment to absorb everything.
The softness of Bea’s skin. The sheen of her golden hair spilling across the bed. Her heavy-lidded eyes turned the color of sapphires. Her perfect nipples jutting towards me.
And the way she smiles at me.
Like I’m making her happy.
Always, a voice in my head silently vows. Making Bea happy comes above everything else.
And with that thought spinning through my mind, I sink into her.
Slowly. Carefully. Completely.
One exquisite inch at a time, until we’re not two, but one.
And just like Bea said, it’s perfect.
All of it.
I take control, like Bea wanted me to. But she doesn’t just lay back as a passive observer. No. She kisses my mouth and neck, sucking hard enough to leave marks. She arches her back when I take her nipple in my mouth. As I move inside her, she squeezes her inner walls around me.
Next time, I’ll last longer. But this time, it’s like a steam engine roaring up on me, its brakes a forgotten thing.
I won’t finish before Bea, though. No way.
So I lift her hips higher. I find her bud and pinch it lightly. Then I pull almost completely out before thrusting home again.
She cries out, a primal sound of pleasure.
I plunge deep again. And again. Faster and faster. All my willpower is concentrated on waiting until she finishes.
And when she does?
It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
As she convulses around me, I finally let go.
Everything explodes in a blinding flash of light.
A guttural groan escapes, and I only just manage to muffle it as I belatedly remember that there are other people staying in the house, too.
Oops.
We weren’t that loud, were we?
Like my insecurities, I shove that worry aside for later.
I roll over, pulling Bea along with me, and wrap her in my embrace. She shivers a little, so I pull the edge of the blanket over us and tuck her head beneath my chin. Her hand comes to my chest and rests there, just above my heart.
“Do you think anyone heard us?” she asks quietly. “I didn’t think. But—”
“Nope.” Though I have a suspicion either Ace or Tyler—probably Ace—will say something about it tomorrow. Not to Bea; Ace might be a wiseass sometimes, but he’s not an insensitive jerk. But he won’t be able to resist giving me a hard time about it.
And if he wants to, that’s fine with me. Because this—sex with Bea—is the best thing I can remember in a very, very long time. Maybe ever.
“I’m sure no one heard,” I tell Bea confidently. “Ace and Tyler are all the way downstairs. And I’m sure Yara was already asleep. Plus, she usually sleeps with the TV on.”
“Okay.” She lifts her head to look at me. “It’s not that I’m embarrassed about sleeping with you. Because I’m not. At all. But I don’t know them that well, and… you know.”
Protectiveness sweeps through me with even more intensity than ever before.
And that little voice whispers, mine.
Not to control her. Not outside the bedroom, at least.
But mine to protect.
“There’s nothing to worry about,” I tell her. “I promise.”
Her lips curve up. “I believe you.” She goes quiet for a second before asking, “That was good, right? You enjoyed it?”
“Bea.” I hold her gaze. “It was more than good. It was just like you said. It was perfect.”