Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jump shut the door. He was thankful he and Blakely were alone. Before the guys left, they’d helped clean up. He really appreciated his friends. They were great, but he was glad they were gone so he could spend some alone time with Blakely.
They’d kissed, and maybe he shouldn’t have. She hadn’t pulled away, and she didn’t seem like she was unhappy. He thought she had enjoyed the kiss. Maybe she would want more.
He needed to talk to her and figure out if they were on the same page. He’d never really had this talk with any of his girlfriends. Even his last relationship that he thought was going somewhere, they hadn’t sat down and laid out what they wanted from life.
“That was nice,” Blakely said. She was sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up close to her body, hugging her knees. She’d been through so much and he wanted to protect her.
“They are good people.” He moved to the couch and sat next to her, not so they were touching, but close.
She turned to face him, her gaze serious. He moved so he was looking at her. Her blue eyes were filled with questions, and he wanted to give her answers. Maybe they were on totally different wavelengths, but he swore she was thinking something similar to him.
“Even though my parents promised me to that jerk, I have almost no history of dating. I mean, I was a teenager, so I had crushes. There was this one boy who would hold my hand if we were alone. I think both of us understood nothing would ever come of us being together.”
“What happened to him?”
She shrugged. “No clue. My parents moved us to another location. I tried writing him, but I think his parents moved, too. I never got any answers. He was a sane person in the insanity that was my life.”
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
“I’ve been free for two years, and I’m still learning things. I did try dating someone after I escaped. He was a guy I knew from work in Las Vegas. But then Grayson happened, and I took off. He was weird, though, and I didn’t really like him.”
“How was he weird?”
“I told him I wanted to take things slow, and he kept trying to get me to have sex. I was actually relieved when I left town and never had to see him again.”
“I bet.”
“All this to say I’m not sure if I know who I am or if I’ll ever know.”
“Does that mean you didn’t want that kiss?”
She shook her head and reached out, putting her hand on his arm. “Oh no. I wanted that kiss. I want more. I just want you to know I’m not used to relationships, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to act.”
“You aren’t supposed to act any one way. I want you to be you.”
“I never want to have kids.”
He studied her face, seeing that she meant what she said. Kids weren’t a deal breaker for him. He hadn’t really contemplated having kids. He thought one day he might have a little one running around, but he would be fine if he didn’t have a child.
He nodded. “Okay. I don’t think having kids is a requirement for me. I mean if you wanted them, I’d be okay, but I don’t have strong opinions about them one way or another.”
“Good. I just overheard some of the women I work with talking about how their boyfriends demanded they have a certain number of kids. I can’t do it. My childhood was so awful, I can’t deal with that. Ever.”
He thought she would make a good parent, but what he thought didn’t matter. She had to make up her mind on the kid thing.
“I understand.”
“And you’re fine with that?”
He reached out and took her hand. “Yes. I know this is very deep conversation for us knowing each other for such a short amount of time, but I’m glad you put that out there.
I want to be happy with my partner. That’s all I want.
Just a life that is good together. It doesn’t have to look a certain way, and we don’t have to do specific things. ”
“I’m sad a lot of the time. I mean I want to be happy, but I don’t know how to get there. I think part of it is life is overwhelming.”
“With my job I see a lot of shit. I see the worst of humanity. I can’t be happy-go-lucky all the time, but being happy together doesn’t mean it’s all fun and games all the time. Sometimes it’s just being together and holding each other.”
“When people start reminiscing about great things from their childhood, like Christmas, or birthdays, I get really sad. Like we didn’t have great holidays. My birthday was just another day I was told how terrible of a person I was.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry they did that.”
“I can’t go back and change what they did, I can just try to be happy with my future.”
“That is a healthy outlook.”
Her gaze dipped, and she got a far off look in her eyes. “I haven’t always had a healthy outlook. At one point, when everything seemed so bleak, I was very depressed. I didn’t know if I wanted to keep living, and I almost went back to the cult.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
She looked up and met his gaze. “So this is a weird question.”
“I’m sure it’s not weird.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’ve never had sex and I don’t know what to do.”
Her words brought heat to his body, and his cock started to fill out. Just thinking of having sex with Blakely was exciting. But she wasn’t ready for sex, not yet. They had only just kissed, and he didn’t want to force her into doing more than she was ready for.
“We’ll take things slowly. And what I mean by that is we’ll date and get to know each other. We’ll let that come naturally.”
She drew in a deep breath and let it go slowly. “So I don’t know what naturally means.”
He pulled her close. “We’ll get to know each other. It will feel right when we come together.”
“Thank you for being so patient. I don’t feel so lost.”
“That’s good.”
She was nestled against his side, and it felt right. He couldn’t believe they’d known each other for such a short time, and yet, he felt like they belonged together. He just hoped it lasted.