Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
By the time Willa swung by to pick her up, she was more confused than ever. She plopped down in the passenger seat and blew out a harsh breath.
“Thank you for coming to get me.”
“Sure. How was your day?”
“Ugh. I don’t know what to do.”
Willa pulled up at a stop sign and glanced over. “What do you mean?”
“I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life and I have no idea. There are so many choices.”
“What do you like doing?”
She shrugged, and the car slowed. “Are we almost here?”
“Yes. We live right here.” Willa pulled into the driveway and stopped the car. “Come in and we can all talk about it.”
“Sure.”
She followed Willa inside, happy to see Pen already there. Pen came over and pulled her into a hug.
“It’s good to see you.” Pen stepped back and looked her up and down. “But you seem worried.”
“It’s nothing big. I’m just trying to decide what I want to do with my life.”
“That’s not nothing. That’s a big thing. What are you leaning toward?”
She shrugged. “I have no idea.”
“What do you like to do?”
Blakely blew out a slow breath and shook her head. “That’s the thing. I don’t know. I was never encouraged to have a future beyond having a husband and kids. That was my future. Nothing else mattered. Now I’m free, and I don’t even know where to start.”
“That is tough,” Pen said as she stirred the vegetables she’d just dumped into a hot pan.
Blakely felt odd not helping, and she moved to the kitchen opening. “What can I help you with?”
“Nothing. Go sit,” Willa said.
“Yeah, I’ve already got everything cut and ready to cook. There’s nothing left to do.”
She moved to a stool and sat so she could see into the kitchen. “In the cult, they didn’t let us have friends. My only friend or connection was supposed to be my husband. It’s nice having friends.”
“We’re glad you’re here with us. I think it’s great that you want to have friends.”
She nodded. “It’s different, weird in some respects. But I was so lonely in the cult. I don’t think I would have done well if I’d stuck around.”
“Was escaping scary?”
“Very. The first few months, I feared everything. Of course, my first apartment wasn’t an apartment, but a hotel that allowed me to rent by the month.
I ate food from the convenience store next door for the first few weeks.
Then I found a grocery store. Growing up, I ate scraps.
So whatever was left was what I got. Most of my meals were what people called vegetarian.
Eating the junk food and hotdogs from the convenience store was a weird treat, but I felt awful until I started eating vegetables again. ”
“Wow.”
“Since women weren’t allowed to eat at the table, and children were lower than women, there were days I went hungry. I learned which berries wouldn’t make me sick and foraged in the wilderness.”
“That’s wild. You should write a book about your time in the cult,” Pen said.
“Why? Who would be interested in what I have to say.”
Willa pointed the spoon she’d been using at her. “Loads of people would be interested. You could probably start a podcast.”
“A what?”
“Podcast. It’s an audio reporting method. It’s long form, and the subjects range from cooking to camping or true crime and advice.”
Pen turned to her. “We can find you some resources. There’s a great podcast I listen to. I’ll send you the links.”
She had no idea if they were right about her writing a book, but she was interested in listening to the podcasts. She’d spent her whole life so sheltered from the world she had no idea how to exist in it. The last two years had been a trial run at best.
There’d been a shift in her perspective after meeting Jump. It was like she woke up and found herself in a different world. “Before meeting Jump and you all, I felt like I was existing in a different world.”
“How do you mean?” Pen asked.
“The fear was always there. I couldn’t go back to it. I would die. Even though I didn’t know how to do a lot of stuff, I wanted freedom. When my dad took me to the bank, I would see small snatches of real life and I wanted it. I wanted to understand how the women were working at the bank.”
“How did you deal with going out in public? Like did you ever want to ask for help?” Pen asked.
Blakely nodded. “Absolutely, but my father threatened me. Well, not me specifically. He told me if I talked to any of the people at the bank, he would hurt one of my siblings. Though I wasn’t what you would call friends with my siblings, I hated seeing them hurt because of me.”
Willa shook her head. “That just sounds awful. I don’t think I could recover from that. You’re very strong.”
She shook her head. “I don’t feel strong.”
“I think you are. You escaped everything you knew for freedom. You know there are so many women who probably wanted out but couldn’t get out.”
“So a book. Do you really think anyone would be interested in reading my story?”
They both nodded.
“Absolutely,” Pen said.
“Yes. I think you could give some good insight into cults and how to get out of them.”
Getting out had been hard. It had taken her years to figure out how to leave. When her father had died, she’d been alone for a few days before she realized it was the perfect time to go. He’d crashed their vehicle, so she had no way to leave with her stuff.
So instead of packing up a lot of stuff, she grabbed only what she needed and headed toward the bus station. On that walk to the station, she’d been so scared that someone who knew her family would see her and stop her.
“After the crash, I was very sad. But I knew it was the only time I would be free to leave. Once Grayson heard that my father had died along with all the kids, he would come for me.”
Pen stepped closer and gave her a hug. “You had to get out.”
She nodded. “I see how people are close to their siblings and how they care so much for them, but I wasn’t allowed to have that kind of relationship with my siblings. They would have loved living in the real world. I know my sisters would have been something special.”
“I’m sure they would have been wonderful,” Willa said. “I’m so sorry they didn’t have a chance to live a normal life.”
“They would have really gotten into studying. It’s just so sad. So many lives were ruined by the cult.”
Willa squeezed her shoulder. “Cults ruin so much. I’d never heard about the cult you were in. I’m sure there are loads of other cults out there and we know nothing about them.”
Blakely nodded. “Yeah, there are way more cults than people know about.”
Pen’s lips screwed on one side. “There has to be something that can be done about the number of cults.”
“I don’t know. I knew nothing about social media, and I wasn’t allowed to go to the library. The people in these cults don’t have access to resources and people on the outside don’t know about the cults.”
Willa dropped to one of the kitchen chairs. “It’s a huge problem.”
Blakely nodded. “It is. I don’t know what to do about it.”
Pen let go a heavy sigh. “We might not ever find the perfect answers, but talking about it will help.”
Blakely nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate you two helping me.”
It was wild that she had friends now after so long without any.
She felt like she fit in with them. She wanted to do something for them but didn’t know what she could do to show them how much she appreciated them.
She would think about it over the next few days.
With Jump being gone, she would have time.