Chapter 5
Elliot
He was all over me in the cab and I couldn’t have been happier about it.
I’d tried protesting at first when Cruz had begun kissing me in the back seat and rubbing his hand up and down my thigh, but when he’d wrapped his fingers around my neck in a gentle grip and ordered me to keep my eyes on him, I’d forgotten all about the cab driver.
I hadn’t been able to keep my eyes on him, but only because I couldn’t keep them open. The things he was doing to me just felt so damn good.
I’d been kissed by a few guys over the years, but nothing they’d done compared to what Cruz was doing to me. It felt like my entire body was on fire.
But the best part?
I didn’t have to fucking think.
About anything.
My mind was solely focused on Cruz and pleasing him by giving him what he wanted. Another guy might have taken advantage of that, but Cruz just turned it around and gave it all right back. Everything he did, everything he said, was about me.
About pleasing me.
About taking care of me.
He whispered things in my ear that no one had ever said to me before.
Like how beautiful I was.
Like how he couldn’t wait to watch me come apart in his arms.
Like how lucky he was that he’d found me tonight.
“Cruz, please,” I whispered against his mouth when his hand once again bypassed my dick. He’d been running his hand all over me, but ignoring the part that needed his touch the most.
“Soon, baby,” he murmured, then kissed me gently.
His hand stopped roving and I wanted to protest the loss, but I didn’t want to risk losing the touch of his lips too.
When he stopped kissing me a moment later, I tried to follow him.
“We’re here, Elliot,” he said softly before taking my hand and leading me from the cab.
I barely managed to greet my doorman as we made our way into the building, and judging from the surprised look the man gave me, I figured I probably looked like I’d actually gotten fucked in the back of that cab.
But I couldn’t find it in me to care.
Once we were in the elevator, Cruz was on me again.
His desperation to consume me drove my need higher and higher and I was pretty much a puddle of goo by the time we reached my floor.
If Cruz hadn’t been leading the way, I doubt I would have even been able to find my own damn apartment.
The second Cruz got us inside my place, he slammed the door shut, tossed my keys to the floor and then pressed me up against the door.
White-hot heat flared through me when his fingers wrapped around my wrists and he pinned my arms to the door. He ground his cock against mine and grated out, “Feel that? That’s all for you. You’re going to fit me so good, Elliot. Like you were made just for me.”
I managed a nod.
“Say it,” he ordered harshly.
His tone had my need spiking to astronomical proportions. I was never going to last at this rate.
“Just for you,” I said in a rush.
“Who do you belong to tonight, El?”
The nickname had me groaning out loud. “You, Cruz. Only you.”
“You want my cock in that tight ass of yours, my boy?”
I nodded vigorously, since I wasn’t sure I was even capable of speaking.
“Say it,” Cruz demanded. His hold on my wrists was unforgiving and I loved every second of it.
“Yes!” I nearly shouted. “God, yes, I want it,” I admitted. Emotion bombarded me as the need to give in completely warred with the voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t be craving the rough treatment.
“Baby, open your eyes.”
I did as he said. When had I even closed them?
“Look at me.”
I shook my head. “Can’t,” I ground out.
“Look at me, Elliot.”
There was no room in his voice for argument, so I did. His hold hadn’t eased on me even a little bit, which I was grateful for.
“It’s not wrong,” Cruz said. “What’s happening here… it’s not wrong. It could never be wrong.”
I managed a nod that I wasn’t feeling, but not surprisingly, he called me on it. “It doesn’t make you weak or disgusting or a freak.”
I flinched at that and turned my eyes away from him. But he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him again. “Who?” he asked. “Who told you it was wrong?”
“No… no one.”
“Who?” he asked again.
I knew then that I was fighting a losing battle. And despite the fact that my lust had cooled somewhat, it was still there, simmering right below the surface.
“My first boyfriend.”
“What did he say?”
“Cruz—”
“What did he say, Elliot?”
I was a goner when his hand slipped down to my throat. Shame crawled through me. “I… I always had trouble getting off with him. One day as he was… as we were…”
“Fucking,” Cruz supplied.
“Yeah,” I said, feeling foolish for not even being able to say the word. “He was behind me and I asked him… I asked him to hold me down by the back of the neck. He put his hand on my neck, but it wasn’t hard enough. I could still…”
I shook my head because I just couldn’t say the words out loud.
“Move,” Cruz said.
I nodded.
“You couldn’t let go,” he added.
I could feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes. “When I asked him to hold me harder, he got mad. He said I was a freak for being into that kind of shit. But I didn’t… I wasn’t…”
Cruz sighed and said, “Did you explain to him that you weren’t asking him to cut off your air?”
I nodded. “I tried to tell him that it wasn’t like that, but he wouldn’t listen.
Said I need to find some other sick fuck to do that shit to me.
I think he thought… that I wanted… God, fuck,” I whispered harshly.
I tried to pull free of Cruz’s hold as the humiliation washed over me, but he refused to let me go.
“He thought you wanted to play out a rape fantasy,” Cruz murmured.
“I didn’t!” I practically shouted. “I know some people like that, but that isn’t it—”
Cruz kissed me long and hard. “I know that, and I know you aren’t looking for breath play, either. You want to just be able to feel. You want someone to take away that noise in your head for a while.”
“He was right,” I whispered.
“He was a fool,” Cruz shot back, his voice tipped with anger. “What you want isn’t wrong, Elliot. Just like it isn’t wrong that I think it’s fucking beautiful. Let me prove it to you.” He kissed me again, gently, almost reverently. I kissed him back and hoped it was answer enough.
He released my throat only long enough to pin my arms over my head with one hand before he returned his other hand to my neck.
He kissed me hard as he applied just the right amount of pressure to my windpipe.
The fear of failure instantly drained from my body and I drew on the strength of his fingers that were pressing into my skin.
I had no idea how long he kissed me for, but my lust came rushing back to the surface within seconds.
When I began squirming against him to try to brush our cocks together, he growled one simple order that had my dick leaking in my pants.
“Don’t.” When I instantly stopped moving, he continued, “Elliot, if at any time you want me to stop, you simply say the word stop. Do you understand?”
I nodded because I knew what he was doing, why he was bringing it up. It was a safe word. The very fact that he felt the need to have one both excited and humiliated me.
“It’s only because I’m still learning what you need,” Cruz explained. “I know that isn’t the kind of relationship you’re looking for.”
The realization that he knew what I was thinking was both comforting and embarrassing. I’d never been drawn to the sexual lifestyle that included using pain to bring pleasure, and I had absolutely no desire to call Cruz sir or master or any other title that put a label on what we were doing.
“I don’t want that kind of a relationship, either,” he murmured against my mouth. “But I want you to know that giving up control doesn’t mean you have none.”
“Okay,” I said. “I trust you, Cruz.”
He smiled. “I know you do, baby. I’m gonna take good care of you and you’re going to do the same for me, okay?”
I nodded, then kissed him. I was beyond talking. I was done obsessing over all of this. I was ready to do what Cruz was giving me permission to do.
Just feel.