32. Approval Meant More
APPROVAL MEANT MORE
The following Thursday Fletcher got the call he was expecting to get.
Actually, he’d expected it last night.
Lorraine was in town for a few days.
Ian had dinner with his mother last night, came home in a mood and slammed his bedroom door shut.
Fletcher had knocked before he opened it, asked what happened, but his son said he didn’t want to talk.
He debated texting his ex, but then told himself, he’d give it a day.
Ian was getting better about opening up. His son was coming into his own.
The past Sunday, his fear of Ian meeting Paris was for nothing.
His son whipped up a spread of waffles, bacon and some frittata egg thingy.
Whatever it was, it was great.
Paris laughed, she talked with his son. They bonded over sports and video games that her younger brothers played.
And when his girlfriend left, his son told him he’d liked Paris.
That approval meant more than he thought it would.
But then when his son found out Lorraine was coming to town, Ian’s mood changed.
Fletcher had to all but force the dinner last night and hated that.
Hated that he’d thought he’d gotten through to his son before to do the right thing.
His office door was shut, he slid his finger across the screen and answered. “Hello.”
“We need to talk,” Lorraine said.
“We are.”
“No, face to face.”
He sighed.
He wanted to say no. That he was busy. That he was at work.
That they had nothing to say to each other.
But that wasn’t true.
There was so much the two of them should have said for years.
Now it was just an echo in his head making him doubt every action he made.
“When and where do you want to meet?”
She gave him the place and time; he hung up and grabbed his phone to shove in his pocket.
Thirty minutes. Not a lot of time. But typical.
He didn’t have to report his whereabouts to anyone. He put enough time in.
When he walked into the bar, he found Lorraine sitting off to the side with a glass of wine in front of her.
She looked different. More polished. More put together.
Nothing like the woman he’d been married to.
But he didn’t know that woman either.
“What’s going on?” he asked when he slid in across from her.
“This is a new look. Fancier than your FBI suits.”
He was back to no jacket. His gun on his ankle.
It was time to shed that old life.
It wasn’t him anymore.
He’d moved on and found that he was a happier person because of it.
“You didn’t summon me down here to talk about my wardrobe.”
“No,” Lorraine said. “I want to talk about Ian.”
“That’s my assumption. What happened last night?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No. He came home in a mood, went to his room and shut the door,” he said.
Lorraine shook her head. “It’s not like you to let that go. You never let it go with me.”
“And look where we are. So maybe I’m trying something new. He’ll talk to me when he’s ready.”
“I doubt that.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that he was rude and inconsiderate. He was snotty and insulted not just me but Zach several times.”
He blew out a breath. “What did he say?”
“Oh, now you want to know?”
“Lorraine. I don’t have time for your petty shit. Tell me your side of the story and I’ll get Ian’s and then deal with it.”
He was positive that his son’s version would be more truthful.
“He gave me crap for not being there for him. That I only ever call when I’m lonely, that now that Zach is on the road more, it’s the only reason I want to talk to him.”
“Is he wrong?” he asked. The server came over, but he shook his head. He wasn’t staying long.
Lorraine drained her glass. “I’ll have another. And yes, he’s wrong. My life is busier now.”
“So is his.”
“You’re allowing him to become a punk and it’s not a good look.”
“Says the woman who slept with multiple men behind my back,” he hissed.
Maybe if she had feelings for any of those guys it wouldn’t have been such a slap in the face.
But, nope. She wanted sex.
Sex that she didn’t want from him.
Said that she just wanted a man to want her and not demand so much from her.
He didn’t think he was all that demanding. Hell, if anything he let her do whatever she wanted out of guilt for his job.
But he had to remind himself, that was in the past.
He’d moved on. Didn’t seem his ex could.
“You couldn’t give me what I needed. And now. Now you’re giving it to some blonde bimbo close to two decades younger than you. You called me a whore.”
His fist clenched. “First off, watch your fucking mouth. Not once have I ever said anything about the men you’ve dated. And we know it’s a lot. Nor the fact that you remarried and moved. You never once considered Ian in any of your decisions. And I’ve never called you a whore.”
“Not to my face,” Lorraine huffed. “And I was moving with my new husband. Lord knows I moved around enough for your job.”
“And look where it brought us.”
“Yeah, you dating someone so young it probably has most people laughing behind your back.”
She was just that hot poker stabbing at him.
“If anyone laughed at me, it’s for staying with you,” he said. “If you’ve got nothing more to say, we are done.”
“Do something about Ian’s attitude or we’ll go back to court and I’ll get custody of him.”
He braced his hands on the table. “He’s old enough to choose. He did. And that is what your biggest problem is. You lost him. And no matter what you do, your treatment of him can’t get him back.”
“Just remember that with your new girlfriend. He’ll turn on you just as quickly.”
He blew out a breath as he walked out the door.
He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing how lethal those words were.
He’ll turn on you just as quickly.
That was the one that burrowed in.
Not the blonde bimbo jab. Not the age difference. Not even the custody threat.
Ian.
He’d fought for stability. For routine. For a life that didn’t feel like constant upheaval. He’d promised himself that after the divorce, after the FBI, after everything, he wouldn’t screw up his son.
And yet here he was. Dating a woman in her early thirties.
Sneaking out to spend time with her. Wanting more time to give than he had.
Trying to balance it all.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. Maybe Lorraine was wrong about a lot of things. But what if she wasn’t wrong about that?
What if Ian felt replaced? Or sidelined? Or forced to compete with a life Fletcher had rebuilt too fast?
The approval over waffles and sports suddenly felt thin. Like his son might have been putting on too good of a front.
That maybe he wasn’t looking deep enough for the truth that his son had gotten so good at hiding for years.
He walked back to his office, the cool mid-October breeze slapping at his face, forcing him to think.
To make a decision. To figure out what worked the best for everyone.
Then he realized—there was never one answer that worked for everyone.
He went right to Paris’s office without waiting.
Without thinking this through.
“Hey,” she said when she looked up and he saw her sitting there. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know.”
That was all it took for her smile to falter. For him to have doubts on why he came.
But what he was saying wasn’t final.
It was just what he needed right now.
“What happened?”
He shut the door behind him and sat across from her desk.
He’ll turn on you just as quickly. Those damn words.
“I met with Lorraine,” he said.
Her lips pursed as in thought. “By your expression it doesn’t sound pleasant.”
“It wasn’t.”
“What did she want?”
“To talk about Ian. You know they had dinner last night. He came home moody. He didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t pushing. I figured she’d reach out and she did.”
“And?”
“And she says his attitude toward her sucks. That he was rude and insulting. I know how he can be. I probably shouldn’t have forced him to go last night when he had a change of heart.”
“Sometimes we have to be told what to do even if we don’t like it.”
“That was my thought. After everything he dished out, he told her about us.”
“Okay. Do you need your ex’s approval?”
He could see the confusion on her face.
“No.” He wouldn’t share what his ex’s opinion was either. Lorriane didn’t know Paris and he was positive Ian said nothing negative. It was his ex spinning shit in her head.
But maybe he was wrong.
Maybe Ian was hiding more.
“No. But I’m thinking Ian is in a good spot finally. He’s the most important thing in my life.”
He saw those words landed harshly, but he couldn’t lie.
Was he feeling things for Paris that he hadn’t felt in a long time?
Fuck yeah.
And maybe that was scaring him more than anything.
“And now you’re having doubts about us?” she asked, leaning back in her chair.
He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t this calm response.
She was acting like this was nothing more than an assessment of facts for her next job.
The shield was back in place now and that should have been warning enough to end this conversation, but he wasn’t thinking clearly.
“I moved fast,” he continued. “New job. A new place. You. Maybe Ian didn’t get time to adjust as well as I thought.”
“He likes me,” she said quietly. “You can’t fake the way he acted a few days ago.”
“I know he does.”
“But?”
“But what if that changes?” he asked. “What if I’m forcing him to grow up too fast? To accept things he’s not ready for? What if he’s putting up a front and I didn’t see it? I can’t live with him acting towards me like he did his mother last night.”
“You don’t know if she’s telling the truth on anything,” she said. “Not if you haven’t talked to him.”
“You’re right. And I will tonight. But just that she invoked that response in him was enough for me to say I need some time to figure this out with him. Time to talk it out and get a feel for where he is at.”
“So you’re asking for a break?”
“Time,” he corrected. “Not really a break.”
This time she crossed her arms, a smirk almost building at her lips. “How long am I supposed to wait for you?”
“I don’t need pressure.”
She ground her teeth. “I’m not pressuring you. I’m asking a question. I think that’s a reasonable question.”
“Aren’t you?” His voice sharpened despite himself. Again, not thinking clearly. “I’ve spent his whole life prioritizing work. I kept saying time would come for him. I finally get us in a good spot and I meet you.”
“You’re entitled to a life. You even said Ian told you that.”
“I know,” he said. “But to find out about you and meet you the next day. Knowing you spent the night. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Her lips disappeared between her teeth again. “Arguing with you is going to serve no purpose. Telling you you’re being a coward is going to piss you off.”
“Then you shouldn’t have said that,” he said, his voice on the edge of losing his shit. Which again, should have been warning enough he didn’t need to come here first.
She held her hands up. “You’re right. I’m kind of in shock right now. I’m entitled to toss a dart at you. How much time are you asking for?”
“Enough to sort things out with Ian,” he clarified quickly. “To make sure I’m not dividing my attention in a way that hurts him. Maybe a few days, a week. I don’t know until I talk to him.”
“Sounds to me like you should have talked to him to gather your facts before you did me. You’ve been doing that all along, not sure why you didn’t now.”
She turned back to her computer, telling him, he was dismissed.
And that statement right there.
That hit almost harder than what Lorraine had said.
Because she was right. He shouldn’t have come here first.