29. Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
Remington
Since leaving the hospital a month ago, I’ve been isolating myself more and more.
At first, going out wasn’t so scary, but lately I’ve been leaving the condo less and less.
My visit to Lenny’s was the last time I went anywhere alone.
Every day I tell myself I’ll go out, even if it’s for something simple, but the thought of the Consortium lurking out there makes me panic, so I stay inside.
Now, the only time I leave the safety of the condo is when Ricochet and I go out for groceries or doctor appointments.
I’m sick of it.
I don’t want to be one of those people who’s too afraid to leave my house. Or worse, end up with agoraphobia, unable to go out at all.
I’m determined not to let the events in Venezuela keep me from living my life. The Consortium has already taken too much from me. They took my freedom once. I refuse to lock myself away and let them do it again.
It’s Saturday, not my first choice for an outing, but there’s safety in a crowd. If the Consortium is out there, I hope they’ll be less likely to do anything with witnesses everywhere. Still, I stay aware of my surroundings and keep my head on a swivel.
My first stop is to replace my camera. I know I shouldn’t be moping over the one I lost. It’s inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but that camera and I had been through hell together. It was practically an extension of myself. Losing it feels like losing a part of me.
After the bittersweet task of buying a new camera, I finally replace my phone. Unlike the camera, I haven’t missed my phone as much as I thought I would. But it does feel good to have it again.
When I get back to the car, I lock myself in, scan the area to make sure I’m not being watched or followed, and begin to sort through the missed calls and texts.
I start by deleting the telemarketers and unknown numbers.
I ignore the business contacts to deal with later, because there are a string of text messages and a couple of voicemails from Colton that have my complete attention.
First is a voicemail he left three days after we met and the day after my phone was destroyed.
“Hello, beautiful, it’s Colton. I’ve been thinking about you. I was hoping to catch you and hear your voice. Hope your flight was good and you arrived safe and sound. Looking forward to hearing from you. Give me a call back when you can.”
Tears well up in my eyes. It kills me to hear the enthusiasm in his voice and my heart aches knowing I missed my chance with him.
His first text message came seventeen weeks ago:
Colton: Hey, gorgeous. I’ve been thinking about our date. I know exactly where I’m going to take you
Colton: I want to introduce you to my friends and Warlock’s girlfriend, Tallahassee. She’s so sweet…I think you’ll like her
Colton: I’m looking forward to the day I can wrap you in my arms and kiss your luscious lips again. I understand you have a job to do, but just know there’s someone here waiting for you to return home
My tears start in earnest from the longing in his voice, and hearing that he wanted to introduce me to his friends.
Sixteen weeks ago:
Colton: I was eating tacos for lunch today and it got me thinking…I don’t even know what you like for breakfast. Or your favorite dinner or dessert
Colton: If you’re wondering what my favorite food is, I’m not sure I can choose just one thing because I love food LOL
Colton: I’m thinking about you. Text me back when you can
I smile despite my tears.
Even though these messages were sent so long ago, my fingers itch to respond. To tell him I’d love to meet his friends and give him a list of all my favorite foods. Let him know I miss him and want to see him and kiss him again too.
But Colton’s spoken for now, and it would be inappropriate. However long or short they’ve been together, it’s already far longer than the few hours we spent together.
Fifteen weeks ago:
Colton: Hey, Remi. I can’t wait to see you again. I keep reliving our night together over and over
Colton: You and me, Remi, we’re too good together to ignore. I want to know everything about you. Tell me I’m not the only one who feels this
I shake my head and wipe the tears off my face. “You weren’t the only one,” I whisper to the empty car.
Fourteen weeks ago:
Colton: You must be busy. If I’m honest, I wasn’t expecting you to be gone this long. Hope you’re taking care of yourself and finding time to have some fun while you work. Call or text me back when you get a chance
Thirteen weeks ago:
Colton: I’m starting to feel a little like a stalker. I haven’t heard from you. Everything ok?
My tears come faster, twin tracks running unchecked down my cheeks. All these messages imply he saw a future for us. One we’ll never get to experience now.
Twelve weeks ago:
Colton: I’m concerned about the radio silence. I’m really starting to worry. Are you alright, Remi? At least text me back and let me know you’re safe
Eleven weeks ago:
Colton: Maybe I misunderstood, and you don’t want anything to do with me. But if you could at least let me know you’re ok, I’d appreciate it
Ten weeks ago:
Colton: Remi, please. Please let me know you’re ok
The last time he tried to reach me was a voicemail nine weeks ago:
“I really thought we clicked. My mistake. I can take a hint. I won’t bother you again. Be happy and take care of yourself, Remi.”
My breath catches on a sob hearing the disappointment in his voice. I also thought we made a connection. A connection I’ve never experienced with anyone else.
For months he refused to give up on me. He thought I ghosted him, but week after week, he kept trying. Even after thinking I rejected him, he was still caring and kind when he rescued me. He protected me. Took care of me. Kept me safe.
I know I should be glad he found someone. He deserves someone special who loves him and makes him happy, but all I feel is a crushing loss, as if something crucial has slipped through my fingers. Something I’ll never get back.
I can’t contain my heartbreak, and not caring where I am, I begin to sob uncontrollably.
My instincts were right, he is a good man. The best man I’ve ever met. But I lost my chance with him…and as hard as it’s going to be, I have to let him go.
Giving my head a good shake and wiping away my tears, I try to push Colton out of my mind. I draw in several deep, trembling breaths, but it doesn’t help.
Colton’s messages caught me off guard. I’m a mess and need to pull myself together before I head home. Ricochet’s a good friend, but the man is much too perceptive. I’m not prepared to answer the barrage of questions I know he’ll ask if he sees me right now.
Besides, as part of my ‘convince yourself everything is fine’ plan, I have a different destination in mind.
Later, I pull into my garage and cut the engine. While I wait for the garage door to close, I wipe the last lingering tears off my face. Then I slide out of the car and collect my new camera out of the back seat.
I inhale several deep breaths, slap a smile on my face, and open the door.