Chapter 21
Willa worried that she’d asked too much from Cy. He didn’t need to tell her his history. “You don’t have to. I don’t want to pry.”
“No, it’s okay. I just had a crap childhood. Nothing anyone would wish on another.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m doing fine now. It took a while, but I found a family in the Navy. Now I couldn’t imagine living without my friends.”
The microwave beeped, and Cy adjusted the food inside. She studied him, thinking that his admitting to having a bad childhood was very brave. Guys like him didn’t like to admit weakness.
“I’m glad you found your people.”
He snorted out a laugh. “They are my people. I never thought of it that way.”
“Before Robert, I had a group of friends. They were great. Then he drove them away. I should have left him, but I didn’t.”
“Sometimes people don’t realize how devastating things are until they are out of the relationship. It’s like drips of water. You don’t know how much water has dripped down until you put a bucket under the leak. Then you realize you’ve got gallons of water flowing through the drip.”
She nodded, thinking his example was exactly how she felt. “I didn’t have any buckets. I was lost, and he took over everything, from my friends to where I could work, to what I could eat. It was one thing at a time, so slow I didn’t notice it.”
The microwave beeped again, and he pulled the food out and tested it. “It’s hot. How much do you want?”
“I don’t want to take your food.”
“Honestly, I have more food in the freezer. We’ll head to the grocery store later. We can pick up some food then.”
“I insist on paying for the groceries.”
His laughter filled the kitchen. “No way am I letting you pay for all the food I eat. You can buy one night of food for us, but otherwise, I’ll pay for my own. Trust me, I probably consume three times as much food as you eat. It would be wrong to make you pay for it all.”
She didn’t like his answer, but it made sense. She didn’t have a lot of extra money. Robert had kept money from her, and now she wasn’t making a lot waiting tables, and she still had bills.
“Thank you. I am trying to add extra hours to my shifts, so I have more money.”
They sat and started eating. The enchiladas were good even though they’d been frozen. She liked how spicy they were.
“Stuff is expensive now,” Cy said between bites.
She nodded as she chewed. She hated that she had to live so lean. For now, it was necessary. Maybe one day she would be able to afford luxuries like a massage or maybe a manicure. She hadn’t had her hair colored or highlighted in a long time.
“It is expensive. It’s funny what I used to think was very important now isn’t that important to me at all.”
Cy swallowed the bite he was working on. “Like what?”
“Things like manicures and hair color. Also, dressing fashionably. I try to find good clothes at second-hand stores. When I first got with Robert, he kept hounding me about my weight, and he threw away all of my clothes that weren’t tight.”
Cy blinked at her. “What?”
She pushed the enchilada around on the plate, thinking about what Robert would say if he saw her eating something with this much cheese. Cy didn’t seem to have an issue with how much she ate. He’d suggested she eat more.
“Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t that overweight.
I had a few extra pounds, like five or so.
I wasn’t wearing skinny jeans, but back then, I had more muscle.
He kept at it for so long, I guess I started starving myself.
One day, I ate a package of chips. It wasn’t one of the huge packages, just like a two-person package, and after that, he put all the food in a closet and put a lock on it. He also locked up the refrigerator.”
Cy’s mouth hung open as he stared at her, then he straightened his shoulders and shook his head. “Damn, that’s no way to live.”
“No. But I lost weight, and he was happy.”
“That is sick. That’s not cool at all.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
After a few more bites, Cy started talking. “In my line of work, I see a lot of abuse. It makes me angry. With my job, I feel like I’m doing something about it, but I know we’ll never solve it all. It’s like that monster in Greek Mythology, Hydra.”
“Oh, I haven’t thought about Greek Mythology in a while.”
While they finished eating, she thought about high school and how much she’d liked and disliked it. She liked seeing friends and hanging out, but she’d been powerless back then. She’d wanted more freedom, but she felt like she would never get it.
“I should have been happier when I was in school.”
Cy stood and took her empty plate to the sink. He rinsed the plates, then turned to her. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t a happy person then. I thought there were a lot of things that were unfair. After living under Robert’s control for so long, now I look back and think I had it good in high school.”
“It is a weird time. Thinking back to even a hundred years ago, teenagers had more autonomy. I don’t agree with a lot of things that happened to teens back then.”
“Like what?”
“Companies took advantage of labor, and a lot of the labor came from kids. There has to be some kind of happy medium, but I’m not sure where that hits.
Like kids need responsibilities, but where is that line of responsibility versus abuse?
Back then, a lot of kids were injured working at meatpacking facilities and in sewing factories.
It was brutal for many, but also a chance for opportunities. ”
What he was saying made sense. “I don’t know where that line is. I didn’t have a job in school until my senior year. Even then, it was an easy job scooping ice cream. I don’t know if I could have worked at a sewing factory.”
“Yeah, some of them were absolutely just abuse factories.”
“That sucks. I can tell you this much, I never want to have kids. If I’d had a child with Robert, I would be stuck with him for at least a decade, maybe more.”
Cy chuckled, and she wondered if he was laughing at her. Then he started shaking his head, and she was sure he was laughing at her.
“Some of my best friends have kids, and I’m happy for them.
I’ve been there with a few of them just weeks after the little nuggets were born.
I’ve held babies, changed them when the parents needed a break, burped and fed, and helped out, but I don’t want to reproduce.
Kids are cute, and they can bring a lot of joy, but I get joy from hanging out with my friends and helping with their kids. I don’t need one of my own to get joy.”
As he spoke, relief filled her, then she had to remind herself to step back. She didn’t need to feel relief from his words. They weren’t together, though he’d opened his house to her and was basically taking care of her.
“Because Robert blocked me from having friends, I’ve never had much to do with kids. I know some of my old friends have some, but I lost touch with them long ago.”
“This weekend, my buddies are having a get-together. I think you should come.”
She bit her lower lip. Going to a party with him might be too much. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. It would be fun, and it might just be the reset you need.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant by reset, but she did need a change. Last night she’d slept better than she had in ages. Though Cy was virtually a stranger, though she wasn’t sure she could call him that now, she felt safe with him around.
“Okay, I’ll go with you.”
“Awesome. And I think you should stay here until then. You don’t need to worry about Robert being out there looking for you.”
She didn’t want to get too used to relying on Cy. What if he decided to kick her out? She needed her independence, but having Cy help her was nice. It meant she could actually get a good night's sleep and not worry about Robert finding her.
For now, she would stay here, but as soon as she found out Robert was back in jail, she would move back to her rented room, even if she missed Cy.