Chapter One #2
“I don’t know what came over me,” she admitted in a small voice, shaking her head and getting to her feet to pour herself a glass of water. She lifted it to her lips and took a long sip, swallowed and then spoke again, a little more clearly this time.
“I can’t discuss specifics, you know that.
But…it was just like any other session,” she explained.
“We were talking about some of his stuff, you know, and it brought up some triggers for him. He started to get agitated, totally normal for a guy in his position, but when he got up and started pacing around…it—it just pressed some button inside of me. I didn’t know how to handle it. ”
Her face was pale, her normal bright eyes dim, as she recounted the incident to him.
He could tell how spooked she was—it probably triggered her flight response.
Even though it had been months since everything that had gone down with Jed, she was still clearly carrying the trauma from it, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, finally lifting her gaze to meet his. “I should have… I should have been more prepared for something like that in sessions. It’s normal. I didn’t mean to freak him out.” She sighed, rubbing her temples. “Damn, I feel like I’ve put our sessions back with this.”
“It’s okay,” he assured her gently. He didn’t like seeing her like this. He reached his hand out to touch her shoulder in support, but drew it back and dropped it to his side. He needed to keep his emotions in check and be professional here.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently.” She sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head.
Lawson cocked an eyebrow. Really, she didn’t? It seemed pretty clear to him, even if she wasn’t willing to admit it yet. She felt like she needed to be the strong one, always taking care of others and listening to their problems while ignoring her own needs.
Jed Baxter, one of her previous patients, had turned out to be a double agent trying to get close to Xavier, Lawson’s business partner, to collect information he was convinced he had.
In a session with Sarah, he had smashed up her old office, destroying it right there in front of her eyes.
It was a miracle she hadn’t been hurt, and Lawson couldn’t even imagine how terrified she must have been when it happened.
So, yeah, it made perfect sense to him that she would struggle with someone else coming at her with the same anger, the same fury, the same harshness.
Even if she knew she was safe here, even if she knew that nobody would ever have allowed something like what happened with Jed to happen to her again, psychological wounds didn’t heal just like that.
He knew that better than anyone.
“You have nothing to worry about,” he promised her. “Why don’t you take a break? Go for a walk, get some fresh air, clear your head.” He paused and looked her over. “How long has it been since you’ve had any food? You want to come over to the lodge, get something to eat?”
“I probably should,” she told him. “I was running a bit late today. I didn’t have time for breakfast.”
“Then, yeah, you should,” he replied firmly. “It’ll do you good to get some food in you. Let’s close up and I’ll walk you over.”
“Thanks,” she agreed with a small smile. She flicked her gaze up to meet his, her eyes lingering on his. Like there was something she wanted to tell him—something on her mind she didn’t know quite how to put into words.
Whatever it was, she thought better of it, and pulled her jacket from the back of her chair and slipped it over her shoulders.
Even though it was warm outside these days, Lawson hadn’t seen her without a jacket in several months, almost as though it was a protective layer between her and the rest of the world.
“I’ll lock up. I’ve got the spare keys on me. You have your keys?” He looked over to her for confirmation and saw her pat her pocket, then nod her head.
Lawson got the place locked up, and stole a glance at Sarah out of the corner of his eye.
There was something he had been meaning to ask her, something he had wanted to suggest. He hadn’t been sure how to bring it up, but he guessed now was as good a time as any under the circumstances.
He doubted she was going to take it well, though, but maybe she would come around eventually.
He needed to stop beating around the bush and just say it.
“Okay, all set. Let’s go.” He slipped the keys back into his pocket and placed his hand at the small of her back to get her walking.
“Have you thought about taking a break?” he suggested to her.
She immediately stopped walking and frowned at him. “What do you mean? I’m taking a break right now.”
“No, not that kind of break,” he replied as he shoved his hands into his pockets.
“So, what, then?” she asked, clearly confused.
He knew Sarah was dedicated to her work; hell, he was pretty sure it was the only thing that was keeping her grounded right now after the attack. But surely, she could see that she wasn’t going to be able to help anyone else in a meaningful way until she focused that attention on herself first.
He took a fortifying breath before speaking again. “A longer break,” he said. “Take some time to figure things out.”
She stood stock-still on the spot. The corners of her mouth turned down into a frown. In her eyes, he could see the shock and it gutted him. This was the last thing she had expected him to say, and he could tell how deeply it stung.
“I’m fine,” she said, forced out the words, and crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
He sighed, jerking his head down toward the lodge. “Sure you are, but maybe think about it?” He paused, waiting for her reply. Her frown deepened but she eventually nodded. “Right now, you still need something to eat,” he pointed out. “Come down and get something with me?”
“Fine,” she muttered, but the discomfort was evident in her tone.
This, he got the feeling, was going to be a problem, but he wasn’t going to give up that easily.
Just because she was normally the one who took care of everyone else didn’t mean that she didn’t need someone to look out for her sometimes, too.