Chapter Six
Sarah closed her office door and turned to walk the short distance to her cabin, inhaling the fragrance of Hannah’s peonies on the pathway. Today had been a good day.
A much better day than the one before, anyway.
She’d had another session with Toby this afternoon, and though she had initially been a little worried about how it was going to go, it had been far easier than she had imagined.
He had been willing to work with her, willing to hear her out, and the two of them actually seemed to get along better than they had before.
Like he could see her vulnerabilities now, and had connected to them in some ways, especially after everything he had been through.
Yesterday had been nothing more than an off day, and she was more than happy to leave it behind her for good.
On a day like today, it was hard to be in anything but a good mood, with the way the sun was shining down above her.
Summer was always the best time of year—the bright days, the long evenings, where you could sit around and talk late into the night without getting too chilly.
And, after the year they’d had, they deserved a chance to really kick back and unwind.
She looked up and caught sight of Lawson standing outside the front of the lodge, frowning down at his phone.
She could tell even from where she stood that he looked tired.
She hoped he hadn’t been worrying about her, given how much better she was already doing.
She hadn’t had a chance to talk to him again since the morning before, when Toby had stormed out of her office upset.
She changed direction and headed over to speak to him, and he tucked away his phone when she approached and met her gaze. She could see dark rings under his eyes, and wondered if he had gotten any sleep last night. She hoped there was nothing going on with the lodge, nothing dangerous…
“Everything okay?” she asked him.
He nodded. “Fine,” he replied, his voice a little more curt than she was used to.
She blinked at him in surprise. “I just wanted to tell you I’m feeling so much better,” she said, gushing to him. “I had another session with Toby today, and it went really well—”
“I think it’d be good for you to take a break.”
She stopped dead in her tracks.
“Wh-what?” she stuttered. “What are you talking about? I just told you I’m fine.”
“I still think you could do with some time away from the lodge,” he replied. “Let me get you an apartment in town. And a therapist. Somewhere you can really unwind after everything that happened.”
She parted her lips in surprise. What was he talking about? First, he had just been suggesting a break, not moving out of the lodge, but now…
“It would do you good, having a quiet place where you could work through your trauma,” he continued.
“Trauma?” she asked. “Who said anything about trauma? I’ve just been having a hard time lately, that’s all—”
“Sarah, you know I only want what’s best for you.
You may not see—or want to see—it as trauma, but that’s exactly what Jed did.
He terrorized you in your own safe space.
It’s normal for you to feel uneasy after that.
Anyone would. You’re a therapist, you know this,” he told her firmly, his eyes locking on to hers with a serious expression.
She had no idea what to say. She was completely caught off-guard, and didn’t know how to navigate this conversation he’d sprung on her. She’d been so happy with her progress earlier today and wanted to share it with Lawson. Now, he was trying to get rid of her. But why?
“You’re just trying to get rid of me,” she retorted, practically daring him to argue with her.
He sighed. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just want you to be safe.”
“And I’m safe here!” she protested. “Unless—unless there’s something you’re not telling me about?”
He didn’t reply, letting her words hang heavily in the air. Her eyes widened. What the hell?
“Lawson, is something going on?” she asked, her voice shaking slightly.
He shook his head at once, but she could tell from the look on his face that he was lying to her.
“Is someone threatening the lodge again?” she persisted.
“No,” he replied. “I’m just… I’m trying to do what’s best for you. To protect you.”
She locked her eyes on to his, tension strung tight between them. Tension that she tried her best to ignore. Because he was one of the owners of the lodge, and her boss. It would make things way too complicated if something happened between them—even though she truly wanted it to.
But now, as he stood before her, she couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes burned into hers. The way his body shifted to be closer to her.
“I don’t know how to explain it all to you right now,” he told her. “But I will. I promise.”
“You better,” she muttered. “Because right now, it seems like you just want me gone.”
“That’s not it at all. Please believe me.”
“Then tell me how you really feel,” she demanded. She wanted him to acknowledge what was between them. She wanted to know that it wasn’t all one-sided on her part. Didn’t she deserve that? Or, more to the point, didn’t they?
“You know how I feel about you,” he murmured.
She shook her head and took a step toward him. The warm air around them seemed to be holding its breath, waiting to see how this was going to turn out.
“I don’t, not really,” she protested. “You’ve never told me.”
“You’re good at your job,” he told her.
“And is that it?” she asked. “I’m good at my job and that’s why you want to keep me around?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“No, I can see that,” she said. She knew this wasn’t fair, this wasn’t the smartest way to go about this conversation, but right now, she didn’t give a damn. She just wanted him to admit it—to admit what they had been dancing around for months now.
She continued. “You want me out of your hair, so you can, I don’t know, focus on someone else?”
His eyes drilled into hers, a flash of anger passing across his face.
“That’s not true,” he growled. His voice dropped, the emotion finally showing.
That was what she needed to see from him—the proof that whatever was happening here, it wasn’t just in her head.
There was something between them. No matter how complicated that might make things.
“So what is true, then?” she asked. “Why are you trying so hard to get me to leave?”
“Because I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you,” he responded through gritted teeth. Normally, Lawson was so careful in how he carried himself, but right now, she could see the restraint cracking—she could see him giving in to this feeling between them.
“You’re being selfish,” she protested. “You just want me gone so you don’t have to deal with whatever this could be between us.”
“That’s not it at all,” he replied, moving closer to her, hands coming to her arms, like he was holding her in place.
Making sure she wouldn’t slip through his fingers.
Her breath caught in her throat, and her eyes flicked to his mouth and the stubble across his strong jaw.
Her fingers itched to reach out and touch it, to feel it beneath her fingertips.
“Then tell me to stay,” she breathed. “Show me that you don’t want me to go.”
Those words hung between them, almost a dare—she was pleading with him to show her just how much he needed her there.
Hopefully, as much as she needed to be there with him.
He was the grounding force that had kept her on her feet these last few months, and she couldn’t bear the thought of being somewhere without him.
But, instead of speaking, he drew her close to him and pressed his lips onto hers for the first time.
The moment their lips touched, she melted into him.
This was what she had been waiting for all this time—his kiss, his promise, the knowledge that he felt this need between them, too.
Though they had both pretended not to notice it for the sake of keeping things professional, there was no denying it.
His arms slid to her waist and he gripped her tightly, like he didn’t want to let her go.
She reached up, her fingers finding purchase in his hair, the feeling almost surreal after all this time.
They were outside the lodge, where anyone could see them, but she didn’t care.
It felt like the world stood still to give them this moment. It felt right.
When he held her, she felt safe in a way she hadn’t in a long time.
That sure, strong sense of certainty, knowing that nothing could hurt her as long as she was right here, in his arms. This was where she belonged, whether she had been willing to admit it or not.
She was just glad they were finally having this moment between them.
Then, all of a sudden, he pulled back. She let out a small gasp, not ready for it to be over yet.
He dropped his hands back to his sides and drew his gaze away from her, as though looking her in the face would have ignited something he knew he couldn’t control.
She stared at him, willing him to look at her again, to acknowledge what had just happened, but he didn’t.
“That didn’t change anything, did it? You still want me to go,” she demanded, her voice low.
Her breath hitched in her throat as she silently begged him to respond to her.
She desperately wanted him to say it was all a misunderstanding.
That he needed her like she needed him. But the words never came.
Instead, he just stood before her, not saying a word. Her heart thudded in her chest and tears gathered in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Not here, not in front of him. She’d shatter later, when she was alone and could process it all.
She was hoping admitting their feelings would change things for the better.
They’d be able to move past this bump in the road and be together.
But she got it. He couldn’t risk having a liability like her around after the way she freaked out at a patient.
They had a reputation to uphold and she’d been anything but professional in her behavior that day. He couldn’t trust her.
“Fine,” she muttered. “You don’t have to say anything. I get it. I’ll go.”
And with that, she turned on her heel and started to march back toward the cabin.
The tears were blurring her eyes now, but she blinked them back, not wanting him to see how much all of this had hurt her.
She couldn’t let him know how long she had been aching for that kiss—or how painful it was to know that it still wasn’t enough for him to want to keep her around.
She swiped away the tears as she stepped through the door to her cabin, the pressure of that kiss still lingering on her lips. She had dreamed of kissing Lawson like that for a long time, but she had never imagined she would be reduced to tears after it happened.
Something was off around here; she was sure of it. But, right now, it wasn’t her business to stick around and find out what it was. Lawson wanted her gone? She was gone.
And she wasn’t going to waste another minute thinking about him.
At least, that was what she had to tell herself.