5. Bonnie
Age 12
“You’re not paying attention,” Maria says, snapping her fingers in front of my face. I bring my eyes back from the window to look at her.
“Sorry, Maria, I’m just so bored with Shakespeare.”
Maria huffs under her breath, and I feel a little bad, but honestly, as much as I wanted to know more about the play that Puck got his name from, I can’t help but yawn.
“Can’t we read something else for a change? Something with love or action or?—”
“Love? A Midsummer Night’s Dream is all about love. It’s a love that conquers all. How can you say you want romance when there’s tons of it here?”
I know I’ve hit a nerve, but I don’t mean to. I just want to read something a little more suited to my age for a change.
“You’re getting too old for Peter Pan every day, missy,” she says, and I throw her a sassy look.
“I am also too young for a book written a million years ago,”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”
“I just… I want to read about romance from this century. Romance that makes your heart boom. Romance that makes your hands all sweaty and your stomach flip with butterflies.”
“What would you know about that?” Maria asks. Not in a rude way, but in a curious way. I can see a glint in her eye that has me questioning if she knows how I’m starting to feel about Puck.
“I don’t,” I defend quickly. “But it would be nice to know the feeling. You know, read about it.”
Maria studies me, and I glow a little pink in the cheeks.
“Hmm… alright, then, maybe I can borrow some books from the library for you?” she suggests, and I jump out of my chair, hugging her from the side.
“Oh! Really, Maria? That would be amazing.”
“I have one condition,” she says, and I slump back in my chair, knowing exactly what’s coming.
“You’re still going to make me read A Midsummer Night”s Dream, aren’t you?”
She smirks and nods to the book in front of me, and rolling my eyes, I carry on where we left off.
I lookmyself up and down in the mirror, twirling my ankle from left to right to see how I look. I put on my favourite outfit, a light blue satin dress that floats down to my knees, and I tied a blue shiny ribbon around the middle like a belt.
Slipping my feet into some white trainers, I let the frilly white socks sit just below my ankle, sticking out above my shoes.
I feel cute.
I rush to the window and look out down below, directly onto the garden patio. King, Dax, and Puck are kicking around a football and trying to aim it in between two of the flower pots that sit on the brick wall.
As soon as I heard them playing outside, I rushed to get ready. I’ve been wanting to wear my dress in front of Puck for ages, but it’s been on the colder side recently, and with them at school during the weekdays, I rarely get to see them during the day. Now that it’s springtime, and the sun is shining a lot more, it”s the perfect opportunity.
I know Puck doesn’t feel the same way for me as I do for him. I mean, I’m not really sure how I feel for him.
All I know is that the boom boom of my heart whenever I think about him, or see him, or talk to him is just as strong as the first day I laid eyes on him when I was eight.
The butterflies still flutter around my tummy whenever he’s near.
And that hug I wanted from him all those years ago, I now get every day. And I can’t help wanting more.
I want to give him a kiss just like Wendy wanted to give Peter. Just like the boys in the new books Maria borrows for me.
The thought makes my cheeks blush, and I shake my head.
Puck would never want to kiss me. I know he really likes me. I mean, he might even love me. But like a little sister. The same love that King and Dax feel for me.
Because even though we’re not related, I’m just the little sister everyone looks after.
I wish he would notice me in a different way.
I know it’s just a big crush, but I can’t think about anything else.
Running back to the mirror, I give myself a final once-over and twirl my dark hair that sits in waves over my shoulders. With a sigh, I grab my tote bag, making sure to have my books to take with me before I head out the door. A copy of Peter Pan is a must-have, and my latest book about a girl who is falling in love with her neighbour might be a new favourite. I don’t like to go anywhere without my books if I can help it.
Making my way down to the patio, I pause on the bottom step in the hall, my hand clutching the railing tightly as Daddy walks out of his office, towards the front door.
He’s on the phone, his eyebrows scrunched up tightly, like always, as he passes right by me.
I almost speak out. Say hello or even wave. But I don’t.
I’m invisible. Weak, useless, pathetic.
Over the past two years, he’s gone from just barely tolerating me to just acting like I never existed.
I’m not sure why, but I must’ve done something, or there’s something wrong with me. Who knows, maybe he hasn’t got a reason at all.
It just is what it is. Even though it makes my heart sink.
I know he treats me like rubbish, but he’s still my daddy.
He continues towards the door, the guard opening it up straight away and closing it to his retreating back.
The guard at the door doesn”t spare me a look either as I stand there.
Contemplating what it is I ever could’ve done to him—which is a huge rabbit hole to fall down, because I never find answers—my ears prick at the sound of brick smashing and falling onto the ground.
I forget about my daddy’s dismissal and run for the patio to find Dax and Puck picking up pieces of broken flower pot and King running further onto the grass to collect the ball.
Puck picks up shards of brown stone, and I can’t help but stare at him. He’s two years older than me, which makes him fourteen. As each day goes by, he’s growing taller and taller, his arms becoming bigger with muscle.
He and the boys go to the gym, but I think they mess around more than anything. Why do thirteen and fourteen-year-old boys need to go to work out? They don’t. But Puck’s arms are wide, and he looks so strong. I know he could pick me up easily without even getting out of breath.
I pull myself together and go to help them pick it up, when King’s voice barks at me from behind, the ball now under his arm.
“Leave it alone, Bonnie.”
I roll my eyes at him, even though he can’t see me.
Sometimes they all treat me like I’m fragile and can’t pick up some broken shards without cutting myself.
Ignoring him, I carry on, when his hand pulls my elbow back.
“Leave it alone, Bon.”
“King, I can pick it up. It’s fine.”
“What’s your problem?” I huff as he pulls me up fully. “I am capable.”
“That wasn’t my point.”
“So what’s your point?” I cross my arms.
King shrugs, and I go to speak as Puck stands up next to me.
“No harm done. It’s finished.”
I look down at the ground and see all the big pieces of the pot in both Puck’s and Dax’s hands. They walk over to the bin, placing them inside, and a gardener rushes over to sweep up the soil.
We move out of their way, down onto the grass, and King kicks the ball high into the air, Dax running backwards so he can catch it.
I follow aimlessly behind them, not saying anything but just observing, mainly Puck, when I crash into King’s back.
I stumble, almost tripping over my feet, but I manage to catch my balance before I fall.
“Jesus Christ, Bonnie, watch where you’re going,” King seethes, and I flinch at his harsh tone.
“I’m sorry I-” I start, but it’s his next words that make me falter.
“Just fuck off.”
King has never cursed at me before. In fact, I don’t even think I’ve ever heard him curse. I hear my daddy say bad words a lot. Usually, when he’s on the phone. But King wouldn’t say it. Especially to me.
My eyes start to water, and I look at Puck, embarrassed, before my eyes flit back to King. I can see he regrets it. There’s an apology in his eyes, but he never says the words. Instead, he turns around again, giving me his back and holding his hands out for Dax to kick the ball back to him.
I know he doesn’t mean it, and I know he loves me very much. At least, I think he does. He’s never given me a reason to doubt him before.
But maybe Daddy is changing him. What if King realises I am just a girl? A silly little girl. What if Dax and Puck start to think that too?
The shame hovers over me, especially as Puck just stands and watches me for a reaction.
I blink, trying to clear my eyes of the tears before any can fall, and when I feel the first one escape, my attempt futile, I turn and run for the trees.
“Bonnie,” I hear King shout, but I don’t stop until I’m sinking down in the soft grass up against a tree.
The purple flowers I love so much have started blooming and twirling around the trunk, making it look like something from a fairy tale. Exactly what my life is not.
I know King doesn’t actually mind having me around, but I can’t blame him for wanting to spend time with just Dax and Puck. It must get annoying having your little sister follow you everywhere. But I don’t have any friends apart from them. They’re literally my world. What else am I supposed to do?
My shoulders shake as I sniffle, tears falling slower than before, when a twig snaps to the left of me.
I turn my head and try to wipe my tears away quickly, seeing Puck walking towards me.
My stomach twists, my heart pounds, and my head starts to throb. But that could be because of the crying.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly, and I nod, fed up with being the little girl who cries that Puck sees so much.
“You know King didn’t mean that,” he says, his hand waving back the way we came.
“I know,” I reply quietly.
“You know,” I whisper, drawing my knees up to my chest and pushing the blue satin over my knees. “Daddy walked straight past me today and didn’t even look at me.”
Puck’s eyebrows crease, his hand curling into a fist.
“And then King swears at me. Sometimes, I just feel like this home isn’t made for a girl.”
“Bonnie,” Puck says, sitting down next to me. “King didn’t mean to say it and he loves you. As for Carlo, he’s an ass.”
I giggle at his words, and he smiles, lifting his hand up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
My stomach swarms with butterflies. In fact, it’s so strong it’s more like giant birds, and I instantly feel my cheeks heat, a pink shade giving everything away. Puck’s eyes land on them, a smile pulling on his lips.
He must know I have a crush, but he never says it out loud or embarrasses me.
Reaching up, his fingers pull at the stem of one of the purple flowers and he picks it off the tree. He brings it towards me, tucking it behind my ear, where his fingers just were.
“You can go and play with them,” I say, guilty that he’s left them once again to come to me, but also trying to distract myself from remembering the feeling of his touch.
“Will you come with me?” he replies, and I just shake my head. I don’t want to annoy King more than I already have.
“Then I’ll stay.”
I look up at him and shake my head again.
“It’s okay, Puck, you don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t.”
I look out at the purple flowers surrounding the trees, not knowing what to say.
“Now I know you’ve got Peter Pan in that bag, so get it out.”
I laugh, because he knows me so well, and I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have three amazing boys in my life.
Almost like Wendy.