FORTY-ONE SAGE
FORTY-ONE
SAGE
A WEEK LATER
Shit, I hope he’s not pissed. I did a thing.
A thing I think is for the best. I hope it’s for the best. I can’t stay here any longer.
Can’t deal with the claustrophobic walls or that tiny bathroom.
But maybe I should have talked to him first. Maybe I should have, you know, consulted him before I made a decision for us both.
Shit! It was a bad idea. He’s not gonna like it. Shit. Shit. Shit. I pace a path into the carpet in the shoebox. Back and forth in the cramped gap between the bed and wall.
I twist my hands together when I hear Mac’s heavy steps outside the door. Nervousness takes over me. I bite my lip and shake out my shoulders. Preparing myself for the shit show my choice is about to cause.
When he opens the door, his face breaks out in a wide grin.
“God, I love coming home to you, baby.” He’s quick to approach, kissing me passionately. But I’m stiff, my lips hard and unyielding against his. His tongue probes, seeking entry, and I tentatively part my lips.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, stepping back and giving me a once over. His face is instantly concerned, brows drawn, lips turned into a tight frown.
“Uh…” God, I’m useless. Ball-less, a goddamn chicken.
It’s Mac. Even if he doesn’t like what I’ve done, it will be ok, I can always back out.
Right? Shit, can I back out? I technically signed some papers, but there has to be an escape clause.
A way to void my signature? I’m not above stealing the forms if I have to.
That’s what I’ll do. When Mac says this is a bad idea, I’ll break into the office and steal the papers. Easy.
“Sage? Ok I’m about to freak, baby. What’s wrong?” Shit. Now I’m stressing him out. He doesn’t need to be stressed. Not about this, I can get us out of it.
“Uh…well…I did a thing.”
“A thing? Like you’re gonna need bail money kind of thing? Or got a new tattoo kind of thing?” He’s looking at me all wrong. Still worried, still scared, but a hint of a smile. I can work with that.
“No um…so you know how June made that offer?” I ask, testing the waters, watching his reaction closely. If he instantly reacts poorly, I won’t even tell him. I’ll just go steal the papers I signed, and it won’t matter.
“Yeah…why?” Damn him and his poker face. I clear my throat and run my hand through my sweaty hair. Anything to buy myself more time, to see more of his reaction, but he’s a fucking conundrum. An unreadable enigma.
“So I went and talked to Francis. I…told him we’ll take the trailer.
I drop off the money June crowd sourced tomorrow.
He said we can move in Monday. June and the others are gonna clean it up this weekend.
So there won’t be any remnants of Karen.
It will be like a whole new trailer. But it would be ours.
You and me.” I rush out the words so fast I have to suck in air when I’m done, letting it all out in a shaky exhale.
Mac stands perfectly still, that unreadable expression still firmly in place.
The seconds tick by. The shoebox filling with a heavy, pregnant, unreadable pause. My lip breaks under my teeth as I gnaw nervously on the abused flesh.
“You wanna move back?” he asks. His voice is indifferent and impossible to read.
“I can’t stay here, man. This is a goddamn shoebox.
I can’t breathe without bumping into both walls.
I know it’s your old trailer, I know it’s filled with so many memories you don’t want but…
we’ve got nowhere else to go, Mac…” I let my words trail off.
Once again, trying and failing to decipher what he’s thinking.
But he’s got his emotions locked down tight.
Where’s my rambling asshole? Why have the roles reversed?
“You want to move in together for real? A place that’s both of ours?” he asks out of left field. Obviously, dumbass, keep up.
“Yeah. I put your name down on the lease. Francis will probably need your signature, too.” His unreadable expression shifts, a wide grin growing across his handsome features. Eyes alight with so much joy it makes my breath catch. My nerves fly out the window.
“Ask me nicely,” he says, fucking teasing me. “If you want us to officially move in together, I’m gonna need you to ask me nicely,” he clarifies, and I glower. But his grin only grows.
But I’m not about to fuck this up. I thought I took it too far, but he doesn’t seem fazed by the fact it’s his old trailer. He seems stuck on the fact I want to be official. So, I step up. Only a sliver of space separating us. Our eyes level as I look deep into his fucking soul.
“Mac. Will you move into a piece-of-shit, run-down, possibly haunted, decrepit, mold-infested—”
“Yes!” he says, not letting me finish. I had about thirty other adjectives ready to describe the cesspit trailer. Now we are both smiling like idiots. Goofy grins and so much joy, it’s choking me in the small room.
“Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah! Let’s give that trailer some good memories to haunt us with!” He kisses me, deep and filled with so many emotions. So many feelings it’s not mature enough to name.
Monday morning we’re driving into Jessie James Trailer Park. Henry once again fixed my Mustang, waving away my offer to pay him back when I can. This time, claiming it’s a house-warming gift. Shit makes me uncomfortable. People don’t do things with no alternative motive.
But I guess that’s not true; a whole group of people came together to get us money. Others coming to clean up Karen’s mess and give us a home. I’m not sure how I’ll repay any of them.
Mac squeezes my hand over the gear shift, helping me downshift as we creep along the gravel road. We pass my old trailer, still roped off with police tape. Still burnt and uninhabitable. But this time, I’m not filled with a black hole of depression.
I’ve let go. I have all the stuff I saved, and that’s enough. Almost feeling relieved knowing all the nightmares that happened there are gone. Finding my mom dead on the couch, waking up alone the morning Mac left me. His blood doesn’t stain the front door now. It’s all burned to ash.
Our new home comes into view.
“Wow,” Mac says, stealing the word from my mouth.
June and the others really did a lot of work.
The front yard is starting to grow grass with small sprouts of green.
Like a sign of its new beginning. Pink flamingos stand lopsided next to the front steps, one on both sides.
The trailer must have been power washed.
No longer tinted green, but a shimmering white.
The front window that had been held together with duct tape, repaired.
Blue curtains behind the new glass. A paper sign is taped to the front door, but I can’t read it from here.
I can only see the big red heart at the center.
Jesus, I’m gonna lose it. My eyes start to burn looking at all the hard work they put into this. I can only guess how the inside looks.
I pull up and park in the spot off to the side, taking a second to just breath. Mac seems to be doing the same, just staring at the trailer with a look of awe.
“I can’t believe…” He stops, wiping at his eyes as tears begin to collect on his lashes. I take his hand in mine, locking our fingers together. We both just stare at the refurbished trailer.
“You and me?” I ask. He lets out a wet laugh before he’s wiping his eyes again.
“Against the world,” he says, bringing our joined hands to his mouth. He kisses the back of my hand. “Let’s go see how our future looks, baby.” I nod, both of us climbing out and softly closing the Mustang’s doors.
We’re on the same page, like always. We don’t want to alert anyone of our arrival. We both need to see this on our own. Not surrounded by everyone anxiously watching us.
I twist the new key between my fingers, grabbing Mac’s hand with my other. The stairs creak as we both climb onto the first step.
I can finally read the paper taped to the front door.
Sage & Mac’s new home.
A big red heart surrounds the words. My heart throbs in my chest. Hope. That’s what I’m feeling. I’m fucking hopeful. After everything we’ve been through, all the bridges we’ve crossed and burned, parents lost and boogeymen slayed, this is our new beginning. Our fresh start.
Even if it is where it all started, that doesn’t matter. We’ll change this trailer. Alter it from only knowing torture to only knowing love.
This is where Mac lived and thought he wasn’t worth anything. But not anymore. There won’t be a day in this trailer he doesn’t know how much he’s loved. I’ll make sure of that.
The key glides into the doorknob. I release a breath and slowly turn until the gears catch and the door unlocks.
This feels like a moment I want to remember. A moment that I’ll cherish. A memory to rival the rest. The first time back in this trailer. The first day we spend in our new home. A home that belongs to both of us.
Mac and I exchange one last look before I open the door. One last look before our future begins. And looking into the eyes of my best friend, I know it’s going to be fucking amazing.