Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
If I can’t trust them to help me, I’ll help myself.
Karma
One minute Roman’s standing there, tray in hand, asking me a stupid-as-hell question. Next, he’s staring at me like he’s just seen a ghost. Again. His slate-gray eyes go distant, like he’s lost in his own mind.
A part of me still wants to be mad at him.
Hoping his mind is taking him down a rabbit hole of bad memories.
Or maybe he is wondering how I’ve gotten each scar he can see.
Not that I’ll ever tell him or any of them.
I don’t want his pity or any of theirs. I already have to live with the fact that the men I’m pissed at are my scent matches.
Men I’ve thought about adding to my list just for their association with Wesley Shaw.
I’m so lost in my own feelings and thoughts that I don’t realize when the heat surges again till it's too late.
It crawls up my spine like liquid fire, settles low in my belly, and twists until my vision blurs.
I gasp, the sound humiliating and needy all at once, as I begin to tremble with pain.
What little relief I had moments ago has vanished in a single instant.
The heat haze is slowly curling around my mind as I fight my need to reach out for one of the Alphas. I have to stay strong. I don’t need an Alpha.
“Little Reaper. I need you to breathe through it,” Theo tells me, running the cool cloth back over my neck again.
But that’s easy for him to say. His body isn’t telling him that he needs to fuck a few Alphas until he breeds.
Dick. As much as I want to snap at him for just that, his voice is actually calming at the moment.
And his touch eases the hellfire burning under my skin.
A whimper escapes my throat as another wave of heat scorches my system. This time he doesn’t ask as he lifts me like I weigh nothing. Carrying my naked frame back to the bed. My skin is still damp from the water, but I don’t mind since it cools my bare flesh against the room's cool air.
As we pass the doorway, Theo glances back. “Roman,” he snaps, sharp and commanding. I hear movement, something clattering to the floor, and then muffled curses.
In the next second I’m being set down on the bed, the fabric feeling dry and clean as it soaks up all the water from my skin.
I also notice I’m not lying on just a mattress and blanket.
No, I’ve been dropped in a huge pile of…
wait, is that a nest? Taking a deep inhale, I breathe in a mixture of scents.
Theo’s earthy sandalwood. Harrison’s sweet and spicy cinnamon and spices.
Lastly, Roman’s leather and pepper. The scents surround me like a nice cozy blanket, giving the impression of fluttering butterflies flapping around my body.
It’s a weird feeling but somehow gives me a sense of safety and protection.
The bed dips beside me. "Easy, Theo. Be gentle with her,” Harrison murmurs from somewhere near my head. His voice is strained. Worried. “Karma, you’re burning up, sweetheart.”
“No shit,” I grind out, but my voice cracks halfway through.
The heat spikes again, sharper this time.
My back arches off the bed without my permission.
My thighs press together, desperate for friction, for relief, for something to quiet the raging storm inside me.
I know the second they smell the slick dampening my pussy.
Theo’s hand stills on my head where he was rubbing hair out of my face.
Harrison inhales sharply.
And I hear a guttural growl come from the bottom of the bed. No doubt Roman.
“If you don’t let us help you,” Harrison says, low and serious now, “you could die from this.”
I turn my head slowly, forcing my blurry eyes to focus on him. “Then let me.”
Theo’s jaw ticks. “Don’t say that.”
“Fuck off,” I snap. It comes out weaker than I intended.
Because the truth?
His touch feels good. Theo’s hand on my head is grounding. I can only imagine what all three sets of hands would feel like. Their scents wrap around me—dangerous and intoxicating—and my traitorous body leans into it.
I hate that I want it.
I hate that some twisted part of me wants them.
“I said fuck off,” I whisper, because if they stay much longer, I might not be able to stop myself. And I really would rather die than beg one of them to touch me.
There’s a heavy pause where no one moves.
No one breathes. No one says a single thing, and then Theo pulls away.
I hear them move away from the bed. Every so slowly, like they are waiting for me to change my mind, but I am hard and strong.
For now at least. “We’re right outside,” Harrison says quietly.
Then the door shuts. And the second it does, I break.
The heat crashes over me in a brutal wave, stealing my breath. I curl onto my side, biting down on my knuckles to muffle the sound that claws its way out of my throat.
Fuck it.
If I can’t trust them to help me, I’ll help myself.
My hand slides down my stomach, trembling not entirely from pain but more from sheer desperation.
I squeeze my eyes shut and chase relief the only way I can, focusing on pressure, on friction, on anything that dulls the fire raging through my veins.
My fingers slide through my folds at a steady pace.
My pussy is already soaked from the slick dripping from my core.
What I wouldn’t do to have my toy collection right now.
I keep at it, and with each swirl around my clit, the edge softens. My breathing evens out. The ache becomes manageable instead of all-consuming.
But it’s not enough. It will never be enough until I’m sated and fully knotted as an Alpha.
By all of my Alphas. Just the thought has me speeding up my pace.
The wave of an orgasm is beginning to crest. I chase that feeling until my muscles begin to lock, my toes begin to curl, and my body begins to tingle.
Just as I’m about to jump off the edge of a cliff, I reach up with my free hand and pinch my pebbled nipple.
The pinch of pain is what sends me hurtling over into bliss.
The raging inferno of my heat is calming down to a low simmer for now.
When it’s over, and my body has come down from oblivion, I lie there, sweat slicking my skin again. Inhaling, I bask in the scents of my mates, but as I stare up at the ceiling, there is only one thing on my mind…
I am not theirs.
I will not be theirs.