Julian #2
Her hands come up to play with the tips of her locks and she gives me a shy smile.
My heart can’t handle how fucking adorable she is, I know she’s vulnerable at the moment, I know I have to hold back from beng too touchy with her, yet I am struggling to control myself.
“Thank you. I always preferred it shorter.” She tucks her hair behind her ear.
“I don’t have to hide any more right?” She questions.
I see, this is why she had her hair long. “Natalie. You never have to hide with me.” I close my eyes. I just want to hold her.
Control yourself, Julian. Let her come to you.
“You hid with me though.” She picks up the mask from the coffee table. “Why?”
Because I don’t want you to find out my true identity.
I turn and take some chicken breasts out of the fridge and some seasoning from the cupboard.
“I didn’t want to.” I lie . “But I was scared.” Not a lie.
“Scared you would take one look at me and run.” I lean against the counter and take some deep breaths.
“I’m not exactly Prince Charming.” Hands sneak around my middle, I jump at first, until I see the pretty French tips of Natalie's nails. My phone vibrates from the other side of the room. Who ever it is can fuck off. I’m not going to interrupt this moment for some stupid phone call.
She came to me. She actually came to me. I have to calm my racing heart, I don’t want her to think it’s thumping loud for anything but nerves. I take a risk and slide my fingers though hers. Her thumb strokes against mine.
“You’re gorgeous.” She whispers. “I don’t care about looks.
I have no right to do that with my scars.
I go by how people make me feel Julian. And with you I feel happy .
” She whispers against my back. We have been in this position many times, when she came home early from work to find me cooking or woke up when I was sorting breakfast and lunch for her before I left.
She didn’t freak out the first time she saw me in her house.
Maybe because we had quite a bit of communication before that.
I still have the note she left me that first time.
She left it on the fridge, held up by one of her cartoony magnets.
I don’t know who you are, why you are doing this or what you want with me. But I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. My protector in the shadows. I’ve seen you watching me. Following me home from work. Come say hi next time. I promise I won't bite.
I still have that note. Locked away in the safe along with every other one she's left me since then. Most of them thank me in some way. Whether it be just a quick thank you, or writing the words at the bottom of her story about how her day had been.
“Natalie, about this morning…” I sigh.
“I’m sorry. You were right. I shouldn’t have gone in.
” Her grip tightens around me as her body starts to shake.
I don’t move, just let her cry it out silently.
I stroke her arms lightly with my fingertips of my free hand.
Most of the time I wore gloves while with her.
I’ve only felt her skin a few times against mine, yet it still shocks me every time.
From the rough skin of her scarred arm to the silky smooth skin of her other.
It all feels amazing, because it’s her. It's Natalie.
The person who literally ran through fire to save my life and got hurt herself .
When she was in and out of consciousness on the floor after pulling me out, I told her to live, begged her even.
Then after wrapping my bracelet around her wrist I ran like the fucking coward I am.
But not before picking up the photo in the gift bag that was beside her belongings.
I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to keep a photo of the woman who helped me.
And that one of her sitting on the sand looking over the sea, hair blowing in the wind.
A bottle of wine in her hand and a large smile across her face.
Fuck, I think I fell in love with her there and then.
I took something else too, the one thing I kept for myself for all this time.
I gave her back the photo , but I couldn’t give her back this item.
When I heard her tell the doctors she didn’t have a significant other, I was confused.
The item I took from her was definitely from a partner.
That's when I knew she lost some of her memory. If I gave her back this, she would probably remember them and I would have lost her for good. I wanted her to myself , selfish I know. But I couldn’t help it.
I wanted to protect her with every fiber of my being.
And yet, I ran that night. I left her all alone in that dark field, the man who tried to kill me was still nowhere to be seen.
I shouldn’t have left her. But I did. Just like I left her again this morning.
I put her in danger both times. I’m never leaving her again.
Never. Now she is here, I’m never letting her out of my sight again. Never again .
“I want to apologize for leaving. I should have fought harder to keep you home. To keep you safe .” I say once her sniffling quiets down.
Her arms loosen from around me and she steps in front of me.
Her gorgeous eyes shine with tears as they look up at me.
Her usual pale skin is now red from her crying.
“I told you to leave. You were just doing what I said, you were respecting my decision, Julian.” She lifts her hands and cups my face.
I cherish the touch. I need her to touch me some more.
I need to feel her skin against mine. “I am the one who put myself in that situation. Me, not you. You have nothing to apologise for.”