Natalie
twelve
H e seriously followed us to breakfast. What am I, some sort of child that needs to be watched over twenty-four fucking seven. I told him I needed my space and he doesn’t respect that. Well enough is enough. Today I am going back to my apartment and he can’t stop me.
“Open this fucking door, Julian.” I sneer through the part open window when I try to open the door and discover it’s locked.
He shakes his head, refusing to look my way.
What a fucking child. I hit the door, again and again, enough times for my palms to sting and redden.
I get some looks from strangers in the street, but I ignore them as I try to get a masked Julian to open the door.
“Fine.” I go back over to Dante’s car and jump into the passenger seat.
“Can you take me back to my apartment please.”
As soon as Dante parks up outside, I get my keys ready and run through the doors, up the stairs and into my home. Making sure to put the chain across the front door and locking the fire escape. I’m not making the same mistake twice.
I don’t make a sound as I start smashing up the cameras. A loud crash comes from the front door. But I carry on with what I have to do, going from one camera to the next.
“Let me in.” He growls.
“No.” I shout back. Silence followed. Did he actually leave? Glass shattering breaks the silence, I guess not.
Sprinting to the front door, I slide the chain across and make my way back down the stairs.
Since seeing what he did to Howard, I’m taking his first threat seriously.
The threat of making all my nightmares seem like dreams. I forgot about it until he reminded me when he told Dante that I knew what was going to happen.
And now I’m no longer in a hospital bed, I guess he’s making good on his promise.
“Natalie.”
I ignore his calls and make it to the exit of the building.
Dante is still parked there, but he has Nico with him.
I can’t put the child in any type of danger.
He leans across to open the door but I shake my head, gesturing toward Nico in the back.
He tenses his jaw, but nods in understanding.
I slip off my shoes, and start to run down the street.
I get all of maybe ten feet before I’m being lifted. “I warned you.” Julian growls.
“And I told you I needed space. So I guess we both broke our promises.” I spit out angrily.
“You tried to kill yourself. I followed you while you were on a date with another man, there’s a difference.
” People are starting to stare at us, yet no-one tries to help me.
I guess I’ll have to help myself. I start to smack his back, telling him again to put me down.
My palms were already hurting from hitting the car, but now they’re extremely painful.
I start hitting him with my heels instead.
The sound of leather and wood hitting against his thin tee makes me wince, but I have to get him to put me down somehow.
This side of Julian is different to the one I am used to. This side is scary and dangerous. This side doesn’t want to protect me. This side wants to hurt me.
“Julian, we aren’t together. So why would you care if I was on a date or not.
” He opens his car door and throws me in.
I catch my head on the door frame as he does, but instead of asking if I’m okay, he slams the door on me.
I try to open it but can’t, he doesn’t wait for me to put my belt on before driving away.
“Okay, I’m sorry for going out this morning.
” I try to soothe his mood. “I’m sorry Julian. ” Silence.
Looking in the mirror at the small cut on my head, I notice Dante is following close behind us.
Shit .
I take out my phone to message him telling him I’m okay, only for it to be snatched out of my hand and thrown out of the window.
“Are you fucking crazy?” I scream. “Why would you do that? What if I need to get hold of you in an emergency?” More silence.
“Julian, this isn’t right. You can’t keep me hostage. ”
“Wanna bet? Now shut up and be still. You’re distracting me while I’m trying to drive.”
Stay still.
Be quiet.
Be a good girl.
Stay still.
Be quiet.
Be a good girl.
Stay still.
Be quiet.
Be a good girl.
I close my eyes, defeated. I can’t fight him. I can’t run away. He might as well just kill me like he did Howard. At least I know where he keeps all his weapons, it will be easy enough to get my hands on something at the warehouse.
No, he didn’t kill Howard. Dante did. He killed him so Julian wouldn’t force me to.
Julian just tortured Howard instead, and that's even worse. Is he going to torture me now too? I assume we arrive at the warehouse when he turns off the ignition, opens the door and lifts me back over his shoulder. I open my eyes and start fighting again when I see he is unlocking the padlock to the room Howard was killed in. I know I wanted to come in here alone. But if he ties me up, I can’t do what I want to.
“Julian, what are you doing?” I panic. Kicking and punching him with every last bit of energy I have left. I hear Jerry-Lee bark and growl at him. Dante must be here.
“Julian, what the fuck.” Bull calls.
“Back the fuck off.” Julian pulls a gun from his back pocket and points it at whoever is there. “She is mine to deal with, not yours.”
“Deal with? She isn’t a fucking target.” Bull shouts back.
“She will be.” He slides the door open and drops me to the floor. Ouch. “Now be a good girl and stay. And don’t make a noise.”
The room is dark when he closes the door back up.
I hear the padlock click back into place.
He said I will be a target, but who would put a hit out on me.
The only one with any grudge against me would be the chief of police for getting his brother killed, but he would just arrest me. Maybe Pa? Ma? One of the uncles.
Who put a hit out on me? I guess I need to end myself before Julian gets the chance to. I’ll just have to wait until I’m alone.
Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. I’m not sure how long I’m sitting in the same spot I was dropped in. Their arguments quieten down to a talk and finally silence. I have been sobbing quietly the whole time. A few minutes of silence pass , they must have gone out.
Eventually finding a bit of strength to lift myself up, I start to feel around the wall I used to stand.
I know they’re here somewhere. I saw a wall full of different sized knives, I swear I did .
My legs weaken from under me after. No .
I sob silently. Get up Natalie, you have a job to do.
I force myself up, wracking my brain to remember what wall the knives were on.
The left? I shuffle over to my left and feel, nope this is the wall with the electrical weapons.
The right then? Again nope, this is where the fireplace is. I shuffle around some more, yes! My fingers glide along one of the sharp blades whilst feeling for the handle. Just as I find it, I realise it's locked in with some sort of mechanism.
Fuck you Julian and all your safety measures.
My eyes start going heavy. What did I do?
I slide down the wall, my ass hits the floor with a thump.
Unless this is what his promise is. Being locked in a dark room full of torture equipment is a sure-fire way of making all my trauma seem like a fucking dream.
I hate the dark at the best of times, but what’s even worse is being locked in a dark room.
Ma did it to me often. Mostly for something I was being blamed for by one of her precious boys.
But the last time she did it, that was the worst.
“Ma, please don’t do this.” I beg.
“You filthy whore. You have just bled all over your uncle, you’re no good to sell now, Can’t have you breeding.
So instead you will stay in here and listen to your sisters being good girls.
” she screams at me after yet another beating, this time with her beloved knuckle dusters.
I just started my period while being raped by one of Pa’s best customers.
Of course he got grossed out, saying I’m too mature for him now.
Ma gave me the beating of a lifetime for almost costing them a rich one.
She closes the closet and slides the lock across.
I hear the cries of my younger sisters pleading with Ma and Pa.
I hear them scream in pain as their purity gets stolen from them, their cries as trauma plants itself into their childhood memories.
“I won’t breed. Just don’t hurt them.” I sob quietly, my hands together in prayer.
“Please let them forget. Please let me take their pain instead.”
Please.
If there’s a higher being, let my sisters be saved. Let them forget what is happening to them.
Let me take their trauma.
Within two months I was pregnant with Anya.
My adoptive father had impregnated me. Ma couldn’t carry her own children and Justine had died before he could breed with her.
So being the eldest girl in the house, it was down to me to carry his child.
The birth was so traumatic, and I was so damaged after, so ill.
I thought I was going to die. Ma finally had the sense to take me to the hospital, where I was treated for sepsis after catching an infection.
Pa wouldn’t touch me after that. I was just used as a punching bag for the whole family until the second I turned eighteen .
I sniff, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.
“He won’t touch you again, treasure.” He soothes after I tell him a memory of Pa I just dreamt about. “No-one will hurt you while I’m around. I promise.” I snuggle into him. His heated skin warms my chills, I caught him just as he was removing his tee before going to sleep.
“Thank you.” I whimper. “Even though I don’t know your name. I feel the safest in your presence.”
Safest in his presence. That's how I felt for years. And now he is the one I feel fearful of. The sound of a gunshot makes me jump. This is it, this is where I die.
“Nat.” Pea calls for me gently. “Nat, it’s okay.” Oh, so he couldn’t do it himself so sends someone else to do it.
“Peacock.” I whimper.
“Yeah.” she holds her hand out for me, I take it and she pulls me up. “Come on, we’re leaving this place. I’m going to take you somewhere where he won’t touch you.”
“So you’re not here to kill me?”
“No, silly. I’m taking you to a safe place.”
As I’m about to ask where, Nico rushes around the corner. “New auntie, come on, hurry. Auntie Pea said we can have pizza and a dance party .” He jumps up and down. “And we are all having a sleepover at my house!”