37. Chapter Thirty-Seven
And the guy who cleans Sal’s office walks through the door to dump the trash. “That Malloy gal is some looker, huh?” he says as he looks at her picture on Sal’s wall of actors he represents. “Who wouldn’t want to be Graham Crowley right now?”
Sal grunts. “They’ll fuck it up.”
* * *
I don’t remember when I’ve laughed or enjoyed the company of others so much.
Before we left, each member of Graham’s family hugged me. I can’t even remember the last time my mother hugged me, and I’m not sure my father ever has.
I could have cried when his mother not only hugged me, but she did that little squeeze and rock back and forth thing that I’ve seen people do, and then she did the same thing to Graham—her own kid. She treated me like she treated her own kid!
I almost cried. How could I not?
I wish I’d never hated him. I see now that his meanness was really playful banter. The angrier I’d get at him, the more he turned it up. Maybe that’s how siblings work. That’s how he and Brian came across. Brian would jab, Graham would jab back—and they’d laugh. Was I supposed to laugh back then? Was I supposed to one up his Doritos game instead of getting mad?
“What are you thinking?” Graham asks as we drive toward his house, Loki pacing across the backseat ready to go home with us.
“I love your family.”
He smiles wide. “I knew you would. There’s just no one like my mother. I mean, I hit the jackpot there. And my dad, whew, he’s just a great guy. The Marines have reined in my brother,” he says and laughs. “Humanitarianism is right, though. If he wasn’t a marine, I think he’d be a doctor or a teacher. He just helps people.”
The joy of the night bubbles through me, but it creates a deep cut too.
My mother is selfish and a gossip, and uninterested in me.
My father, he’s more selfish than my mother. He has an entire apartment in his office. And what that means is he doesn’t have to go home—sometimes he didn’t—doesn’t. It’s no wonder that he’s been associated with other women. I suppose if I let my mind wander, I’d realize there were more than two women that he’d been involved with.
I swallow hard. The thought makes me sick.
Real marriages are the ones like the Crowleys’.
Graham is made of that kind of stock—I’m not.
I realize I’m going down a dark path when Loki pokes his wet nose into my ear.
Jumping, I turn to look at the dog, who looks so proud of himself, and I realize in that moment, I’m as in love with the dog as I am with the man.
My breath hitches.
I’m in love with Graham. I thought I was before. I mean, the thought had crossed my mind, but after meeting his family, I know it.
I want what his parents have.
Watching the man with his family, it only made him more delicious.
I can’t even imagine what came over me and made me turn to him. “I love you,” I say.
Graham’s eyes go wide, and he shifts a quick look in my direction, and then back to the road.
“Oh, well...”
Shit! I’ve made a huge mistake. I can’t believe I said that.
Sinking into my seat, I wish he’d just take me home, and that’s when my phone rings. It’s my mother.
For the first time in my life, I’m happy for her distraction.
“Hello, mother,” I say, pressing my phone to my ear and letting my gaze settle on the lights outside.
Loki’s breath is on the back of my neck, and Graham reaches for my hand.
There is so much going through my head, I’m not sure it won’t explode.
I’m listening to my mother go on and on about her pickleball partner canceling on her. There is something about lunch, and tomorrow, and I hear my voice say, “I’ll be there. I can be your partner.”
She agrees with an “Uh-huh,” finishes her story, gives me a time, and hangs up. There is no I love you, or thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow, or goodbye. When she was done talking, she hung up.
I lower my phone to my lap, and Graham squeezes my hand.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, as if I hadn’t made everything awkward a few minutes ago.
“Yeah,” I say, dropping my phone into my purse. “Her pickleball partner dropped out on her. She needs me to play.”
“Like in a tournament?”
I shake my head. “For social status.”
“Oh,” he says, but I hear the confusion in it.
It doesn’t matter, and there is no need to go on with the conversation further.
Graham pulls into his driveway and parks his car in front of the garage. “The garage door is sticking again. I’m going to open the door and then park in the garage. Do you want to take Loki into the backyard?”
Loki is pacing the back seat and then barks. He knows he’s home, and he’s ready to run.
“Yeah, I’ll take him,” I say, just needing to get out of the car and get some air.
I open my door and step out into the driveway as Graham gets Loki’s leash on him.
I walk around the car and take Loki’s leash. He’s pulling against me, but Graham is standing here looking down at me. His face is shadowed by the lights on the garage behind him.
“Is everything okay? You seem out of sorts,” he says.
Did he miss what I said in the car? Did I not say it?
“I’m fine. Fine,” I say, and I step around him and walk toward the back gate with Loki leading me.
Once we’re in the back yard, and the gate is closed, I take off Loki’s leash and let him run free in his own space. I can hear Graham opening the garage door, and that’s when the first tear rolls over my cheek.
I pull my phone from my purse and text Penny.
I hate to do this to you. I need a ride. Can you pick me up at Graham’s?
I’m surprised when she texts me back immediately.
I happen to be a mile from his house. I’ll be right over.
I thank her, drop my phone back into my purse, and wipe my eyes.
The gate opens and Graham walks through.
Loki rushes to him and he bends over the dog and kisses his head.
I clutch my purse close to my chest.
“What’s going on?” Graham asks walking toward me.
“Penny is coming to pick me up. I’m going to have her take me home. All my pickleball gear is there.”
He nods slowly. “Are you playing tonight?”
“No. I just think I should go.”
The sound of a horn in the street has me stiffening. She wasn’t kidding. She was close by.
Graham reaches for my hand. “Don’t go.”
“I think I need to.”
“Did I do something?” he asks.
I bat my eyes to ward off the tears that threaten. “I need some space.”
I can hear him inhale in the dark yard. “Christina, I lo?—”
Pressing my fingers to his lips, I shake my head. I can’t hear him say the words.