Chapter Seventeen
TOREN
I watch his face for a reaction but I see nothing.
Xaden is a void. He’s the type of guy that shows no emotion and only lets you see what he wants you to.
I know he didn’t bring me here out of the kindness of his heart.
He may not say the words but I know he hates me.
I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me.
“You want to die?” This time there is a sudden change in his tone but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is. But his eyes, I see my own feelings mirrored in them—self-loathing.
“What is there to live for?” He darts his eyes between mine, searching for deceit.
He will find only truth. His hold on my neck loosens slightly and I feel disappointment rather than relief.
I dart my hand out and grip his wrist, forcing his hand to remain where it is.
“I know about you and your family.” His eyes clear of all other emotions except for anger, but I don’t allow that to deter me.
“To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.”
“Is that supposed to mean something to me, Tink?” he grits out through clenched teeth. I should be terrified about being alone in a cemetery with Xaden Devlin. I don’t feel fear right now, all I feel is the need for him to keep his word and end my life.
“Those words and the help of a friend I never knew I needed was the only thing that kept me alive.” I clamp my mouth shut.
I’ve said more than I should have and knowledge is power.
I can’t afford for someone like Xaden to have that type of power over me.
He is the type of person to be smart enough to use it to his advantage.
When his thumb bruises against my throat, my eyes widen slightly. “I’m going to destroy your soul, Tink,” he utters in a calm, even tone. Call me crazy but I believe him.
“My soul is rotten. Take it, it’s yours.”
His eyes wrinkle at the corners as his grip tightens enough to cause me discomfort. “I want nothing from you.” He drops his hold on me but I can still feel the ghost of his fingers restricting my airways. “There is a reason you’re here, but I won’t tell you.”
“Why?” I press.
A sinister smirk touches the corner of his lips.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t have the stomach to hear the answers to.
Put your big girl pants on and get the fuck out of my car.
Go see the corpse of your best friend that was breathing until you killed her.
” A tidal wave of pain slams into me. My breathing turns choppy and ragged as I dig into my shirt and wrap my hand around my pendant as I repeat my mantra.
To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.
I keep repeating those words over and over in my head as I swivel away from him and shove the door open. The cool air hits me and I suddenly feel like I can breathe easier. I didn’t realize how much Xaden’s presence sucked the oxygen out of the atmosphere.
I stand here clutching my pendant in a death grip as I stare at the cemetery.
I know exactly where her family plot is as we came here many times so she could visit her grandparents.
I never in a million years thought I would be coming here to see her.
Tears prick the backs of my eyes and I fight not to let them fall.
I have no right to feel broken over her loss when I’m the one who put her in here.
No, not just her but I ruined two other families’ lives.
Neave and Miles.
Xaden’s best friends were in the other car and lost their lives that night. Why did I survive? It should have been me. I’ve never gotten drunk out in public before, I was too paranoid about my drink being spiked or some guy taking advantage of me while I was wasted.
Why did I drink that night?
I push all those thoughts away and square my shoulders as I make the trek toward Kenna’s family’s mausoleum.
Every step I take feels weighed down. The closer I get, the harder it becomes to lift my feet.
When the large concrete building comes into view, I freeze in place.
My breath lodges in my throat when I read the name inscribed above the doorway.
Di-Leo.
My head begins to swim, my fingers get pins and needles and I sway on my feet.
I release my pendant and tuck it into my shirt, then close my eyes to try to ward off the impending panic attack.
When my stomach drops, I know I have seconds before I’m overtaken by panic.
I drop to my knees on the grass. The moisture from the ground soaks through my pants, but rather than annoying me, it centers me.
I keep my eyes closed as I try to breathe and force feeling back into my toes and fingers.
My stomach constricts but I fight against it.
Don’t be weak, Toren!
I snap my eyes open and grit my teeth. I force my fingers to wiggle and sluggishly climb to my feet.
I have no right to break down here. I put her in there and like fuck will I stay out here and feel sorry for myself.
I stumble forward, not caring that I have to use the tops of other headstones to lean against so I don’t topple over.
If the dead want to haunt me then they need to get in line, because there is a long list of people that wish to see me dead before them.
I stand in front of the gates that keep me from her. Before I can talk myself out of it, I push the handle down and open the gates. I lift my foot ready to go inside until a voice has me halting on the spot.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” I take a deep breath then slowly turn around to face my best friend’s mom.
The moment Mrs. Di-Leo realizes it’s me standing here her features darken and hatred whirls in her brown eyes.
She looks like she has aged ten years. The soft laugh lines that once brought me comfort are now replaced by hard, angry frown lines.
She has a bouquet of lilies clutched against her chest.
“Mrs. Di-Leo—”
“How dare you!” she screams, causing me to stumble back a step and collide with the concrete pillar. “You dare to show your horrid face here after what you did?” A feeling I can’t explain slams into me. I feel like utter trash, worse than shit beneath her shoes.
Breathe.
I try to suck in air but I can’t seem to get my body to function. The way she is looking at me with pure malice and hatred has tears clouding my vision. Mrs. Di-Leo was like a mother to me. She was the one who taught me to deal with my periods every month and how to manage the cramps.
She charges toward me like a bull ready to take out the matador. I fight to remain standing and not crumble to a heap at her feet.
“Mom, enough!” I jerk my gaze over Mrs. Di-Leo to see Meekan.
At the sound of her son’s voice she halts in place, but the malicious look on her face remains.
I haven't seen KeenaDee's older brother in three years.
Meekan was the golden boy of Somerset. The whole town viewed him as a king and everyone thought he would go to SU and take the hockey team pro but he surprised everyone and gave it all up to become an FBI agent.
My father was furious and so was his own.
Kenna and I never understood why both our fathers would be so angered over his choice.
“She has no right to be here, Meek.” Her cold words have my stomach tightening and guilt rearing inside me.
I never should have gotten out of the car.
I should have forced Xaden to take me away from this place and never looked back.
She has every right to hate me. I killed her daughter and I dared to show my hideous face here like I had a right.
“Mom, she was Kenna’s best friend—” Mrs. Di-Leo doesn't give him a chance to finish.
“She stopped being anything to my daughter the moment her intoxicated ass got behind that wheel and took my angel from me.” Her words are like a punch to the gut.
My knees tremble and I want to collapse to the ground and beg for forgiveness, but even I know I don’t deserve that from her.
By instinct, I wrap my hand around my pendant and try to repeat my chant in my head.
To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.
“You took my little girl from me. Your family ruined mine. My husband is nothing but a puppet and my son refuses to come home because of you!” Her words hit like a slap to the face.
I dart my gaze to Meekan, utterly perplexed by her meaning.
His eyes harden as he glares at the back of his mother’s head.
“Enough!” The sound of his voice washes over me like a cooling balm.
The feel of his presence closing in on me emboldens my resolve to remain standing.
Meekan’s face slackens and Mrs. Di-Leo looks like she’s seen a ghost. I study both of them and find it odd that they both recognize Xaden without knowing his name, how?
“Go to the car, Tink. Now.” I slowly turn to face him.
His gaze is locked onto Meekan, pure hatred shimmering in the depths of his eyes as he stares at my best friend's brother.
“Don’t hurt him,” I blurt without thought. Xaden tears his furious glare from Meekan to stare down at me, loathing and repulsion lurks in his eyes as he takes me in.
“Get the fuck in the car now before you really piss me off.” His voice is laden with warning, I’m smart enough to know this is a battle I can’t win. I take one last look at Mrs. Di-Leo and Meekan before I run to the safety of Xaden Devlin’s car.