Chapter Thirty-Nine
TOREN
To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.
I’m trying to keep my composure as I repeat the chant over and over again, forcing my hand to remain at my side so I don’t reach for the pendant that no longer hangs around my neck.
I feel it in my bones that Harper has secrets, and when I find out what she has been hiding from me, it’s going to rock the foundation of my being.
She’s all I have. Without her, I have no one on my side, no one to have my back and be there when I need them.
“I was meant to remain inside that fucking shit hole for years and rot,” she says brokenly. “Then one day, they told me to pack my shit because I was being released.” I frown.
“How did you get out of there?” Harper knows that Xaden and Cas have no idea that we were both in Walter House. Even though I am angry and confused right now, the fact she is still keeping my secret is appreciated.
“Meekan,” she says his name with distaste. I keep my hurt from being broadcasted across my face.
“Why did he get you out?” I push.
“Out of where, Tink?” Xaden growls from behind me, but I ignore the fucker as I focus on her.
She sighs and drops her gaze to the water for a beat before finally looking back at me. I see determination in her eyes and brace myself for the sting of the truth.
“He agreed to wipe my record and set me up with a new life in Somerset.” My features pinch but I remain silent allowing her to continue.
“I was fucking happy. I remembered you mentioning that’s where you lived, plus I read that shit online about you so I already knew you grew up there.
” I nod my head, she was the one who told me about all the memes and the hate online, so this isn’t news to me.
“I agreed without asking any questions. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there and finally be free. I learned the hard way that nothing in this fucking world is free.”
“What did Meekan want?” Cas barks.
Harper keeps her focus on me as she answers him. “The night I found you at the beach, he brought me there. Before I could leave the car he told me he would check in and expect updates.”
“On what?” I push.
“You.” That one word has me stiffening.
“Why?” I fire back.
“Your best friend’s brother isn’t who you used to know, Toren.
Meekan is a fucking snake. When I refused to give him any intel on you, he threatened to tell my father where I was and said he would send me back to that fucking hell.
I never told him anything aside from how you were coping, I swear.
” I shake my head, her betrayal stings like a bitch.
“He said he would send me to federal prison if I didn’t get him any information on Cas and Xaden and that I was to push you closer to Xaden so you would get him to spill secrets to you. ” The color drains from my face.
“Meek wanted me to be Xaden’s whore,” I mumble in disbelief.
“KennaDee’s big brother is a fed, Tink. He wasn’t here to help you, he wanted you tangled between my sheets in the hopes your pussy would be so good I’d tell you things.
We know otherwise, don’t we?” Xaden taunts as he comes to stand behind me.
I hate that the heat of his body and mere presence offers me comfort to the point I want to melt into him.
Xaden tentatively brushes my hair back to expose the side of my neck.
When he leans down to whisper in my ear, I shiver. “See it now, Tink?”
I slam my eyes closed and will my tears to remain at bay. I’m backed into a corner here with no way to escape. Everyone around me has either used me or betrayed my trust.
Masen is lying to me and refuses to come to my aide or offer any type of support.
Kellan is gutless and refuses to go against my brother.
My own father has turned his back on me and fed me to the fucking wolves.
Cas no longer cares for me because of that night. He blames me for it and I can’t hate him for that. I killed Kenna and deserve to face his wrath daily for what I did.
Meekan has been using my connection with him to try and use me. He acted like he was my friend, but he isn’t. He wanted to use me and pimp me out to the mafia so I could snitch.
Harper, she was all I had. I get why she did it and I want to be mad at her, but I know what that fucking place can do to a person. I would have sold my damn soul just to be free but I would never have done it if it meant I had to betray her.
Xaden, the boy who woke me up from my darkness.
The god of death that calls to me and refuses to let me go.
He’s the only one who has never lied to me.
From the start, he warned me that he would break me and destroy my family, but I chose to ignore his warning and still allowed him to fool me into thinking we were something more than frenemies.
I open my eyes to see Harper dangling there with tears rolling down her cheeks. Unable to stomach the sight of her, I turn around and lock eyes with Xaden. His gray eyes are alight with fulfillment. I know he’s loving the misery I’m in right now, so I use that to my advantage.
“You really want to destroy my family, Kellan and Meek?” His eyes narrow in skepticism.
“Your mind games won’t work on me,” he hisses.
I shake my head. “No games. I promise, if you want me to help you, then let Harper go.” I hear her gasp behind me but don’t react.
Xaden scoffs and Cas begins muttering behind us, but I keep my focus on him. “What the fuck makes you think I want your help with anything?” he spits.
I lock down all my emotions as I close the space between us and grip the front of his shirt, then bat my lashes up at him.
I allow a doe eyed look to enter my eyes and stare at him like he hangs the fucking moon.
“You want me to play the part of loved-up bitch who warms your bed every night,” I say in a husky tone as I press onto my tiptoes and place an open mouth kiss to his jaw, making him tense.
“And sit in those grandstands cheering you on as I wear your number, so my brother, dad and Kellan can see how much I want you?” I say suggestively as I dip my head and lick a trail up his neck, then suck his earlobe into my mouth, making him hiss.
I release him with a shove and lose the doe eyed look and replace it with one filled with malice that he matches with a cunning look of his own.
“Or I can sit there and look at you with hatred so they know I’m not there because I want to be but because you’re forcing me. ”
He snaps his hand, grips the front of my throat and yanks me to him.
“Don’t fucking touch her!” Harper yells.
Xaden leans down and gets right in my face.
“You still think you are the one who is calling the shots, Tink? I think it’s time I remind your stupid ass who is in control here.
” He curves his arm around so I’m spun around and my back is against his chest. “Cas,” he calls out.
When I see Caspian shift to reach for the wench, I scream.
He hits the lever, loosening the chain. I snap my gaze back to Harper as she falls.
“Run,” she screams out as she sinks into the water. I struggle in Xaden’s hold and fight with all my strength to break free. Screams pour out of me as I fight to get to my friend.
“It hurts doesn’t it!” Cas roars.
“Fuck you!” I scream back. “Pull her up!”
The way Caspian is looking at me reminds me of Xaden, the pure unfiltered hatred is right there for the world to see. It’s clear Xaden wasn’t the only one wearing a mask, Cas has been too and I was just too damn blind to see it.
“I’ll do anything you want, just… please, don’t kill her,” I choke out as I begin to crumple in Xaden’s hold.
“Who’s in charge, Tink?” Xaden says in an even tone like he isn’t even affected by the fact my friend is drowning right in front of us.
“You are,” I breathe out in a defeated tone.
Xaden shoves me forward and I fall to my knees.
“Bring her ass up,” he snaps at Cas. The latter looks pissed but does as he’s told.
Strangled pleas escape me as I crawl to the edge of the jetty to get closer.
I peer down, but the water’s too dark to see beneath its surface.
She’s lost to me and there isn’t a thing I can do to help her.
I’m utterly powerless and I fucking hate it.
Powerless.
That’s the word I would use to describe my life since that night.
I'm nothing but a passenger in this world of darkness that I am being forced to live in.
There is no hope for me, no happy ending, no love story, just plain old powerless me, being forced to live by the rules of others who hold all the power and control.