Chapter 8
EIGHT
Elizabeth
I got home from work a couple of hours ago. My day was a bit off for the hours I spent in the office. And they were a lot of hours. I couldn’t focus like I should’ve, and the notes I took were sketchy. Thankfully, no one looked at them or surprised me with questions I couldn’t answer.
My brain refused to think of anything other than Logan. I over analyzed all the details from last night, from the moment I watched him walk into that bar, to the very second he kissed me goodbye in the parking lot this morning.
It was weird walking to my car dressed in the same clothes I wore on the night before. To add more of an insult to the injury, my car was the only one there. I prayed that no one would check the cameras and put two and two together.
With one final wave to Logan, I put the car in gear and drove myself home to the apartment I rent during my stay in Austin.
Since I had to rush through my morning routine as I got ready for my job, I didn’t have time to dissect my time with Logan.
But once I was in and calmed down, it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
Now, it is the afternoon, and I am back home. I am still in the clothes I wore to the office, too lazy to change into something more comfortable. Instead, I make myself a sandwich and sit down at the small table that’s in my just as small kitchen.
Just as I am about to take my first bite, the cell phone in front of me starts ringing. When I recognize Logan’s number on the large screen, my face splits into a grin.
“I was wondering if you’d call me,” I say in way of greeting.
“Yeah?” He sounds amused. “And what would you have done had I not called you? Track me down?”
The question is surprising, and sort of passive aggressive. There’s an underlying message there, and I get it loud and clear. Before I get a chance to say anything, mostly because I’m trying to take my time responding, Logan speaks again.
“That probably came out wrong.” His amusement sounds forced, like he’s nervous. The realization calms me down a bit.
“I’m happy that you called,” I tell him. “I…”
Pausing, I wonder how much of myself I should reveal to him this time around. I want to tell him that I missed him since I saw him this morning, but am I coming on too strong? I guess me showing up like this on his proverbial doorstep could be considered as coming on a bit strong.
“I’m at your door,” Logan says before I can regroup.
I gasp in surprise and drop my sandwich. Getting up from my seat, I rush to my door, yanking it open. My eyes clash with Logan’s very intense gaze.
“You’re really here,” I squeal.
Before either one of us has time to think about it, I jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“Sorry for showing up unannounced,” he murmurs against my lips when I bring our mouths closer together.
I just snicker and press my lips to his. There is no hesitation on his part when he opens his mouth under mine, allowing for my tongue to explore and taste every bit of him.
The way his hands clench onto my buttocks spurs me on. I am so incredibly happy that he is here, I can’t help but kiss him until we are both out of breath. Also to note, Logan is not fighting me on it, not one bit.
“I fucking missed you so much,” he mumbles around my mouth, echoing the exact words I meant to say to him when he called. The words that I got too nervous to say.
“I missed you, too,” I cry out.
I am so happy that he came while I am also scared that I will ruin whatever we’re starting to build again. With that thought in mind, I pull my head back, smiling when I hear his groan of distress at the broken physical connection.
“We should probably close the front door,” I snicker, noticing that it’s still wide open. I don’t know any of my neighbors, and I’d hate to meet them for the first time while dry humping my boyfriend.
My boyfriend.
I have no idea if that’s what he is to me, and we should probably clarify where we stand before things go any further. Although, I literally uprooted my entire life to follow him here. If he is not interested in having a serious relationship with me, I did it all for nothing.
Logan, unaware of my thoughts, turns around and pushes the door closed, all while still holding me in his arms.
“Fixed that,” he says, making me laugh.
Without thinking, I bring both hands up from his shoulders and run them through his hair, smoothing it back while I stare into his eyes. The passionate moment from only seconds ago is over, but the connection I feel with him now is more intimate.
“We should talk,” he says.
My mouth goes dry as I nod in agreement. Nothing good will come out of this, I just know it. On the other hand, last night, he took me to his house to talk. The only talking we did was in between the sheets.
I feel Logan’s body tensing. He is as nervous as I feel. Unwrapping my legs from around his waist, I signal for him to put me down, which he does right away.
While taking a few steps back, I never take my eyes off him as he never moves from his spot closer to the door.
“Do you want to come in?” I gather the courage to ask. At this point, I am already in my living room.
A bit of embarrassment floods my senses.
The place is pretty basic, nothing like what I am accustomed to.
But I was using my father’s money then. Since being here, I have found that it’s not so easy to live on your own, especially on a salary that’s for an entry level position.
I do get a small discount on rent, though, because of my association with the Aces.
“Yeah, let’s sit,” Logan encourages. I let out a sigh of relief when I notice a small smile in the corner of his mouth. He wouldn’t be smiling if he was here to deliver bad news, right?
I have a small couch that when we both sit on each end, it doesn’t leave room for much space between us. We turn sideways so we can face each other, with our elbows resting on the back of the couch.
“I thought about you today,” Logan begins.
My face breaks into a smile. “I thought about you, too!”
He stares at me some more, so much so that it’s getting uncomfortable. At this point, he is giving me so many mixed signals, I need to be prepared for the worst, while also praying for the best.
When he drops his head back to stare at the ceiling, I’m pretty sure I’m on the verge of having a heart attack.
“I am so happy that you’re here, I can’t think,” he finally confesses.
It takes me a few seconds to process what he just said. And when I finally do, I let out a sigh of relief.
“You have a weird way of showing it,” I chuckle nervously. “Between your reaction from last night, then you showing up here like this, I don’t know what to think.”
Logan brings his head down to stare at me, his gaze as intense as ever.
“You showing up in Texas is fucking with my head,” he admits.
I don’t know how to respond to that. I also don’t know how to feel about it.
“That’s a bad thing,” I murmur. That much is obvious, so there’s no reason for me to ask for confirmation.
Logan sighs, then takes a moment to reposition himself on the couch. He seems agitated, nothing like the fun loving guy I’ve always thought him to be.
“It’s not a bad thing, Lizzie.” He rests his elbows on his knees and drops his head in his hands. “But I do need some time to adjust to it.”
I press a hand to my chest, wondering if I am about to have attack. “What are you saying, Logan?”
My voice comes out as a desperate plea. I can’t process anything that’s happening right now. I am also getting increasingly angry with him.
“All I’m saying is that everything is happening so fast,” he tells me in a defensive tone. “And we need to take things slowly. Make sure that we’re both on the same page this time around…”
I put a hand up to stop him from continuing. “Were we not on the same page before?” I ask in disbelief.
He stares at me with startled eyes, unsure of how to respond to my question.
“I don’t even know what the fuck I’m trying to say,” he finally admits. He lets out a nervous kind of snort. “I just worry, you know?”
His words knock the breath out of me, while at the same time, I completely understand what he’s saying.
“It’s because of what happened with my father, right?”
Logan takes a deep breath in before letting it all out, like he’s trying to buy himself some more time before he can answer.
I lean back against the arm of the couch and wait.
Seeing that I am not the most patient person, this is not easy for me, but I force myself to wait and see what he wants to tell me.
“It kind of is because of your father,” Logan confirms, his eyes looking for mine. “I worked so hard to play in the pros, Lizzie,” he begs for my understanding. “I don’t want to go back to the minors, then work my way back up. I might not ever get back into the pros.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat. I hate that just being with me caused so much stress in his life.
“I’m so sorry.” My voice cracks when I speak. “I wish…” I pause when my lips become wobbly, and I am having a hard time forming the words without bursting into tears. “I wish we’d done things differently back then.”
Logan moves closer and takes my hands into his. “Based on your father’s reaction to us being a couple, I don’t think there was anything we could’ve done differently, Lizzie.”
I think back to a year ago when we first ran into each other. With a start, I realize that I pursued him then, too. It’s not that Logan wasn’t attracted to me, he obviously was. But he did have second thoughts when he realized who I was. He said from the beginning that it was not a good idea.
Now, here we are, a year almost to the day, and I followed him to Texas, completely oblivious to how he might feel about it. I just assumed that he would be ecstatic to see me again.
“I can go back to New York, Lo,” I whisper, feeling ashamed to look him in the eyes anymore. “I had this idea in my head that we would be free to be together here, but…” I shrug as I make every effort not to cry my heart out.
Logan squeezes my hands in an effort to bring my attention back to him.
“I found out that your employment prohibits you from dating anyone from the office side,” he tells me. “The players are not included.”
I nod in understanding, although, I’m not sure why he’s even telling me that considering he’s not jumping up and down with joy that I am here.
“I think we should start slow,” he continues. “Get to know each other again…”
My brain finally snaps into gear. “What do you mean?”
Logan lets go of my hands and stands up. He starts walking in circles in my small living room while he runs his hands through his hair over and over.
“I think we rushed into it the first time around,” he explains to me. “I don’t want us to make the same mistake again. And I don’t want it to affect my career, or yours for that matter.”
I shrug at that. “It’s not like being a nutritionist was a dream of mine.”
Logan stops walking. “I didn’t think it was,” he admits in a sheepish tone. “But I’m assuming you’d still want to give it your all for the duration of your visit.”
It’s strange the way he worded that, as if I am here on a temporary basis, and he is not expecting much from me. I don’t know if I should be hurt or mad at him.
“I’m not sure what you’re asking of me at this point, Logan,” I say. “You say you’re happy to see me, but then you act like you don’t want to be with me, at least not in public…”
He drops to his knees in front of me. “Lizzie.” He brings his face closer to mine. “My heart stopped in my chest when I saw you at the pub. I never stopped thinking about you in the last six months. I never looked at another woman even though I had no expectation that I’d see you again.”
A quiet sob escapes me. “Logan…”
“I am fucking this up so badly,” he says in a trembling voice. His eyes also look glassy and like he’s holding back tears.
My hands go to his as they rest on my thighs. I stare at him, willing him without words to tell me what I long to hear.
“I want us to start over,” he says. “Rebuild what we had, but at the same time, build something new.”
My lips feel suddenly dry whole my heart is racing. “Does that mean you want me to stay?”
In an instant, Logan’s hands come up to my face.
His fingers slide through my hair, and he pulls my head down until our lips are close together.
Without another word, he brings me in for a kiss.
It is hard but loving, if that makes any sense.
His body tenses under my hands, telling me without words that he meant every word of what he just told me.
“Yes, I want you to stay,” he says once your lips separate. “I want us to date, like normal people.” We both chuckle at that. “I want to know that you are mine, and that I am yours.”
I lean forward just a touch to press my lips around his again. “I want that, too.”
Relief and excitement run through my body. “I’m sorry if I came across a bit stalkerish,” I chuckle through the tears of happiness.
“I think that’s incredibly hot,” Logan grins at me. “But only because you’re the stalker in question.”
I slide my arms around his neck, ready to kiss him again. “Do you want to spend the night?”
Logan’s body tenses a bit. “I can’t. I have practice really early in the morning, and I don’t have my bag with me.”
I nod in understanding. “That’s okay.” My voice comes out like a little squeak of excitement. “I’ll get a bag ready for myself and come spend the night at your house.”
The surprise on his face makes me wonder if maybe I am pushing too hard.
“Actually, I can’t,” I rush to save myself. “I’m still not familiar with getting around the city, and I don’t want to be late in the morning.”
Logan nods in approval. “That’s a good plan.”
“Do you have time for lunch together tomorrow?” I ask, mostly to distract myself.
“Oh,” Logan hesitates. “Maybe we should keep it under wraps at the arena for a while. How about dinner tomorrow night?”
I continue smiling, but I am not feeling the excitement from mere moments ago. I don’t understand why we have to keep our relationship a secret if it would not interfere with our jobs. It’s almost as if…
As if he doesn’t want anyone to know about us.
Just like before.