Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Logan
I’m still running high on adrenaline even though we ended up losing the game. Tonight has been the best night of my entire career to date. Okay, maybe the only other time that could surpass this feeling is when I made it into the pros.
“Good job, man.”
A couple of the guys walking by fist bump me. They understand how important this was to me.
“Well done,” Ethan Anderson grunts my way, but he doesn’t stay to chat.
His eyes seem to be glued to someone in the back of the plane.
When I turn my head to look, I realize that he’s staring at Bell.
No matter how uninterested I try to be about these two, if any intel dropped in my lap, I wouldn’t look away.
When I glance back to Ethan, I realize that he’s staring at me. I lift my chin at him.
“Thanks.” My response is short and to the point, no real conversation will come out of this.
I pull my phone out and stare at the screen. I texted Elizabeth as soon as I was off the ice. She is the only person I wanted to share my moment with, but she never responded.
Ignoring my teammates as they walk down the aisle, everyone finding a seat before take-off, I tap my thumb against the phone while my knee bounces up and down like I have no control over my own body.
The last few weeks have been so weird. I’ve been hot and cold with Elizabeth because I am so into my own fucking head.
Now, as I go over things, I worry that maybe I didn’t give her the attention she needed, and she’s had enough.
She seems to be impulsive in her actions, and if she was able to pack up and move to Texas to be with me, who’s to say she won’t pack up and go back to New York?
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself and unlock the phone.
I open a new tab and type in art studios in the Austin area. The results are overwhelming, and I’m not even sure what I should click on. I keep on scrolling, hoping that one of them will catch my attention more than the others.
“Yo, Mantei!” Sebastian drops in the seat next to me. We are officially joined at the hip while on the road. “Did you get a text from Jared?”
I stare at him in confusion. “Our former teammate Jared from back in New York?”
“That’s the one,” Sebastian confirms while fumbling with a bag that’s sitting in his lap.
“Why would he be texting me?”
Just as I ask that, a message pops up, and it is indeed from Jared, first string goalie of the New York Sliders. I open it and start reading.
“He’s getting married?” I laugh out loud, then continue reading. “Oh wow, he’s inviting me to his bachelor’s party.”
“Yeah, cool, right?” Sebastian is bouncing in his seat with excitement. “It’s not for another couple of months, but still. Nice of him to invite us!”
“For sure,” I agree. “Jared is really cool, but this is unexpected.”
Sebastian eyes me funny. “But you’re going, right?”
“It is long ways away,” I snort. “We’ll see what happens before then.”
I go back to the browser and focus on the results from my search.
“Again with the art thing?” Sebastian asks, making me jump in my seat when I realize how close to me he is.
“Dude, what the fuck,” I grumble. “You need to stop reading my phone.”
He shrugs at me. “It’s easier if I read your phone so you don’t have to keep on telling me the same thing over and over. Sometimes you make zero sense.”
I take a deep breath in, trying hard not to get into a pointless back and forth with him.
“I can’t wait for the day when you have your own woman to worry about.”
He grins at me from ear to ear. “I can’t wait either. But I’m having a rough time with it. Maybe your girl has a friend who’s single. Does she?”
I frown at that. I have no idea how to respond. Due to how secretive we were with each other back in New York, I never got to meet any of her friends. I have no idea if she has any single girlfriends. In fact, I realize that I don’t really know much at all about her personal life.
“Well, that’s weird,” I say out loud.
“What is?” Sebastian’s eyebrows go up in question. “Me asking if your girl has any single friends?”
“Uh, no, not that.” I clear my throat and move around in my sit, trying to get more comfortable. “It’s weird that I don’t know any of her friends,” I explain. “Things were so complicated back in New York, and not like she brought all her friends over when she moved to Texas.”
Sebastian nods along, looking like a wiseman. “Well, that’s what happens when you hook up with a stalker,” he declares. They’re not going to share much about themselves, just in case you can use anything against them at a later date.”
“She’s not a stalker, fucker.” I flip him off but can’t help the chuckle rumbling in my chest.
He ends up letting out a snort of laughter, too. Once we calm down a bit, we remain silent for a few minutes. By now, everyone is on board, and the flight attendants are going through the final checkup before we can take off.
My eyes go to the small window that allows me to look outside.
The sky is dark and full of stars, something I never truly saw until I moved to Texas.
They remind of the way Elizabeth’s eyes sparkle every time she’s happy.
That only makes me wonder if she is truly happy in Texas.
I hate the mere thought of her being so miserable at her job, and I feel somewhat guilty that I am the reason she ended up in that position.
“You okay, man?” Sebastian elbows me when the silence stretches for too long.
I nod but don’t say a word. Instead, I put my seatbelt on and wait for us to finally take off.
“I can’t wait to get home and sleep,” Sebastian yawns next to me. He is completely unaware of my inner turmoil. “I don’t mind hotels,” he continues. “But I always sleep better in my own bed, ya know?”
I nod again.
“I was worried when I got here from New York because I had this badass mattress there. But I googled it and found them here, too. That was awesome. It’s still a little stiff though, like it needs to be broken in…”
He goes on and on about this mattress, to the point where I feel tempted to ask for the name of the brand and buy one myself just to shut him up.
The plane finally starts moving, getting in position to speed up before completely leaving the ground.
The pressure in the cabin is not as bad as on a commercial flight, but I can still feel it in my chest and stomach.
I try to focus on Sebastian’s incessant talk about beds just so I don’t panic when the plane lifts up.
We are now floating on what is essentially a large tin can.
“Anyway, I think you should try harder with this girl.”
I almost miss what he just said. My head snaps back as I stare him down.
“What makes you think I haven’t been trying hard enough?” I ask.
Sebastian rolls his eyes at me. “Because you were at my place not too long ago whining about it like a little bitch.”
I want to argue that it isn’t true, but I know he’s right about this.
“I told you before that the other guys would be more than happy to take her out,” he reminds me. “You gotta make up your mind. It’s not fair to either one of you, the more you drag this out.”
The sigh I let out is being ripped from my very soul. “I know.” I rub my hands up and down my face. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
“You’re scared.”
It is a statement, not a question, and it stops me in my tracks.
“I’m terrified,” I admit. “I don’t want to fuck up her life, or mine, for that matter.”
“Makes sense,” Sebastian agrees. “But you’re acting like an idiot about all this.”
He signals for the flight attendant, who approaches with a couple of bottles of water. We each grab one, and I drink half of mine without stopping.
“With that said,” Sebastian continues like we never stopped. “Can we talk about something else other than your love life? How about meet at the pub later?”
My eyes bug out of my head. “Tonight?”
He shrugs, looking like he’s got no worries in the world. “Why not?”
I point to the window to my right. “It’ll be late by the time we land in Texas.”
“So?” he snorts. “Your mom won’t let you out at night?”
I roll my eyes at him but don’t say anything. The reality is that I can’t wait to get home so I can call Elizabeth, maybe even go see her if she’ll have me. Last thing I want to do is go hang out in a bar with the same guys I spent the last couple of days with.
“Whatever, I’m sure the guys are up for it,” he waves me off. Turning in his seat, he calls out to the back rows. Before long, there’s some yelling back and forth as they make plans for after we land.
I pick up my phone and once again stare at the last text I sent to Elizabeth. I grin as I relive the moment when I stepped on the ice with the crowd roaring all around me. The only way to make the moment perfect would’ve been if Elizabeth was right there to witness it in person.
Shaking my head, I try to clear my mind. No matter what, I feel like I don’t have any clarity on what my future with her should look like, especially now that I feel guilty about her disliking her job.
“You’re overthinking it,” Sebastian declares.
With a start, I turn my head only to find him nodding at me, like he’s old and wise.
“You don’t even know what I was thinking about.” A nervous laugh escapes me. It’s not because of him but because I am a mess about my life in general.
It’s really bizarre to think over the events from the last twelve months.
First, I found love. Then, I lost it with no warning.
I lost my position on the team, and I was close to losing my position in the pros, period.
I ended up having to move states away and start over with a new group of people, learn the dynamics and move on with my life.
In a way, it felt like when I was younger and I’d move around as I played on travel teams. I started over more times than I could count. But this time, it felt weird, and I felt out of place initially. Now, as I was getting my shit together, Elizabeth crashed back into my life.
I feel conflicted by the myriad of emotions that are tangled up in my head. I know for a fact that I love her. I don’t know why I’m not capable of saying the words to her anymore.
Six months ago, on that fateful night when her father caught us together, I was dying to tell her that I loved her. My feelings in that regard are still the same. I love her so much. But there is something that pulls me back, and I just can’t say it to her.
“I’m having a hard time with everything,” I manage to spill the words out to Sebastian. “Like it’s a real struggle, you know?”
My buddy nods as if he can understand my struggle. The look on his face says otherwise.
“What’s the struggle about?” he asks when I don’t say anything else.
I let out a long puff of air and look away. I stare out the window for a while. We are up in the air by now, and all I can see are the dim lights from the ground, which seems really far away at this point.
“I really love her,” I tell him.
Sebastian doesn’t say anything for the longest time, but when he does talk, he doesn’t disappoint. “That’s your big struggle? That you love her and she obviously loves you?”
I chuckle at the tone of this voice. “It’s not that simple, shithead.”
“Well,” he lets out a sarcastic laugh. “It can be as complicated as you make it. And may I just say…” He leans forward a bit to make sure that I am paying attention.
“That we’ve been talking in circles about this girl from the time she revealed herself to you.
You’re not getting anywhere with it, so maybe you need a break from her. To clear your head, ya know?”
“You want me to break up with her?” The words make my stomach drop.
“Me?” he looks shocked. “I don’t care what you do one way or another. You’re the one who keeps on bringing her up, and then you don’t know what to do with her. Take a step back and reassess. That’s all I’m saying.”
I go back to looking out the window. I am oddly offended by his suggestion, like he is trying to separate us on purpose. Logically, I know he doesn’t mean anything bad by it, but I still can’t stand him right now for the mere suggestion that maybe I need to take a break from Elizabeth.
“Anyway,” Sebastian interrupts my thoughts. “I think you should come with me to New York for Jared’s bachelor’s party. It’ll be cool to visit with everyone there. And, if you’re good,” he adds with humor lacing his tone, “I’ll take you to meet my aunt, Kathy. She is the best.”
“Thanks, dad,” I deadpan.
Suddenly, Bell’s head pops up from behind us, his head fitting in between the seats.
“What the fuck daddy games are you two playing over here?”
“Get the fuck out of here.” Sebastian pushes at Bell’s arm like he’s trying to push him back, but it’s obviously in jest.
“Ooohhh, I see how you like it, Bass,” Bell teases. “I can call you daddy, too, if you want. In fact, we’d make a really cute couple as far as I’m concerned. Bass and Bell, sitting in a tree,” he starts singing.
The look on Sebastian’s face is priceless. I bust out laughing and focus on these two as I try to buy myself some time before I have to worry about my own problems.
Life is just too damn hard sometimes, I decide. I do need a break.