Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Elizabeth
“You’re moving in with him?” Mona shrieks into my ear. I put the phone away for a moment and rub at my ear.
“I didn’t say that I am moving in with him,” I clarify. “Just that he asked me to move in with him.”
Mona huffs in fake annoyance. “Same thing, if you ask me.”
“I’m not asking you,” I snicker.
My head feels congested from all the crying I’ve been doing after Logan left. He told me that he’d be back, that he was only going to grab some clothes. As soon as he walked out the door, I burst into tears, and I didn’t stop until my cell phone started ringing with my best friend’s call.
“Seriously, what are you going to do?” she now asks.
I sigh and drop my head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling but not actually seeing it.
“I’m not sure,” I admit to her. “But I’ve never been this scared.”
Mona sighs, too. “I get it, honey. But it will be okay, trust me on this, okay?”
I roll my eyes at that, grateful that she can’t see me.
“You’re a smart girl,” she continues. “You’ll find something else. Something better,” she adds with fake excitement.
I have to laugh at that. “I don’t see how that can be true, Mona. I suck at adulting in ways most young adults do not.”
“That’s not true,” she tries to protest. “You’re smart…”
“Mona,” I cut her off. “I am almost twenty-five years old. I have been a perpetual student up until now. I just got fired from my first job.”
“That doesn’t make you stupid,” she protests. “There are plenty of other jobs out there that would suit you.”
I bring my hands to my eyes, pressing the heels into my eyeballs, hoping to relieve some of the pressure there.
“You have some money to hold you over until that happens, right?” Mona asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “But I can’t rely on that. Everything is so expensive. I’m sure I’ll be out of money in no time if I don’t have anything coming in.” I let out a long puff of air. “Life is so damn expensive.”
Mona remains quiet, and I am grateful for it. It allows me to try and gather my thoughts. Apparently, she does the same, and when she talks again, she has ideas about what I should do next.
“Okay, hear me out,” she says. “I think you should take Logan up on his offer.”
I have to disagree with her on that one. “I don’t think that’s smart.”
“But why?” She sounds surprised. “You guys love each other, have great chemistry from what I understand… That’s very important, you know?”
I let out a little snort of laughter. “I do know. But wouldn’t me moving in with him just make my failure at adulting more obvious?”
“Ha,” she huffs. “So would you being evicted from your apartment for non-payment of rent.”
I throw my hands out in annoyance, and maybe just a little bit of amusement. The phone I have sitting on the couch next to me bounces to the floor. When I bend down to pick it up, I bang my head against the corner of the coffee table, causing me to let out a small cry of pain.
“Uh, what’s happening there?” Mona asks. “Should I call nine-one-one? Are you being attacked?”
“Only by my coffee table,” I snicker.
I stand up from the couch, making sure to take the phone with me. As I walk to the kitchen, I rub at the sore spot on my head. I open the freezer for some ice, surprised to see that is literally the only thing inside of it.
Ice forgotten, I slam the door to the freezer closed and turn on my heels to look around. I can see the entire apartment from where I’m standing. It makes me so sad.
“I hate living in a shoe box,” I cry to Mona. “This is nothing like I thought it was going to be. It all sounded so romantic when I was planning my move. But now that I’m here, I really hate it, Mona.”
My friend makes a few sympathetic noises while listening to my woes. “Aw, honey, it will be okay.”
“I don’t see how. I was so proud of my apartment when I first got it, but now it represents all my failures,” I tell her. “It’s a shoe box that I can’t even afford. How am I going to tell my father about this?”
Mona has heard enough. “Listen to me,” she snaps. “You have a man who loves you and wants to help you. Why would you want to crawl back to your father?”
I wipe at my face, unsure of how to respond to that.
I have no idea what to think about anything anymore.
I never thought of myself as stupid until this very moment.
I rushed into things. Now that I have to pay the price for it, I am not willing to do so.
Instead, I am ready to beg my father for help.
“Have your feelings for Logan changed?” Mona asks me in a much softer tone now.
The question gives me pause. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t love him anymore?” she clarifies her question. “Or not as much as you did before?”
“I love him more,” I cry out. “I hate that he had to see me like this.”
“But he did see you like that, and he still wanted you,” Mona points out. “He asked you to move in with him. He wants to help. Let him.”
I sigh while wondering what the best course of action would be. I don’t have a good track record as far as making decisions go. I’ve always followed my heart, and my last major decision left me unemployed.
A knock at the door prevents me from wallowing in self-pity some more. I am just about to ask Mona to hold for a second when she speaks first.
“I have to let you go, honey. Alex is calling me on the other line.” She hangs up before I have a chance to say anything back.
Whoever is at the door knocks again. For a brief second, I wonder if maybe Jennifer called my landlord and told them I was out of job and wouldn’t be able to pay for this place soon. Do they have to report it like that? I have no idea.
“Thank God it’s you,” I murmur when I open the door and come face to face with Logan. He has a duffel bag in one hand and another one with the logo of a restaurant on it in the other.
“Dinner’s here.” He grins at me, the adorable dimple in his cheek that I love so much making an appearance.
I move to the side to allow him to come in. He walks inside the apartment with confidence as he heads straight for my kitchen table where he places what is apparently our dinner. He then drops the duffel bag to the floor and turns around to look at me.
I move from side to side, too nervous to speak. When he reaches for my waist and pulls me into him, I let out a sharp yelp of surprise. He lifts me up until our faces are close together, then he kisses me hard on the lips.
“I can tell that you’re surprised that I’m back,” he tells me once he puts me back down. “But I told you I would be.”
Glancing away, I feel so much shame that I can’t even look at him. He witnessed my misery in such a low moment for me, I really wish he’d have gone home by the time I got back to the apartment after having been sacked.
My eyes fall to the bag on the floor. “Are you planning on moving in here?” I tease.
“I have a couple of days off,” he shrugs. “And this morning sucked. I didn’t want to have to run outside half naked again. Someone could report me.” He smiles, showing all his teeth.
With no little effort, I laugh nervously with him. Today is one of the worst days of my life. The only other one that would top this is when my father caught us naked in the locker room at the arena in New York.
Logan, as if he tries to give me some space, turns around and starts setting the table. It looks like he’s thought of everything as he pulls out containers of food, paper plates, plasticware and napkins. That’s all followed by a couple of bottles of water.
“I’ll put these in the fridge.” He lifts them up in the air to show me. “I was going to buy you a whole case of water, but I didn’t think of it until I was almost here.”
He puts the water in the refrigerator, then walks back to his duffle bag. He unzips it and pulls out what looks like a small bottle cooler.
“Wine,” he explains when I just stare. “To go with our dinner.”
My eyes feel blurry with unshed tears. “T-thank you,” I whisper.
Once he has the table set just as he wants it, he pulls out a chair in invitation for me to have a seat. It’s not like I have to be anywhere anyway, so I accept.
“It looks delicious,” I say when I glance down at my plate. “I might save some for later, too.”
He stares at me, like he’s processing my words. I feel like he can see right through me, sense the fakeness in my tone when I pretend I am excited about this meal.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about your… situation,” he says after a short hesitation. “Not just from today, but while I was away as well.”
I laugh nervously. “I didn’t realize I had a situation until today.”
He clears his throat a couple of times. “You mentioned not liking this job. I was brainstorming about how to help you.”
The smile dies on my lips. He actually listened to me before and cared.
“I thought maybe you could work in an art gallery,” he continues.
My eyes widen in surprise while my heart grows in my chest.
“That’s a really good idea.” The excitement in my voice is not fake this time. “Why did I not think of that?”
I can’t believe how sheltered and na?ve I’ve been. I am blaming it all on my father. He coddled me for my entire life. He also gave me opportunities not too many people have, the other side of my brain reminds me.
“Well,” Logan sighs. “A job at an art gallery seems to be more up your alley…”
“It is,” I rush to assure him.
“I looked into it, and I called a couple of places,” he tells me, taking me completely by surprise.
My mouth drops open in surprise. “You did?”
He nods in confirmation. “Yeah… Unfortunately…”
Oh no, there’s always a but in there somewhere. Or a however. Or, in this case, an unfortunately.
“It’s a lot harder getting a job at one of these places than I expected,” Logan explains. “They don’t even pay for shit,” he huffs, annoyance obvious on his face. “But they have a long waiting list only to be called for an interview, let alone to actually get hired.”
I lean back against the chair in defeat. It was such a great idea, but way too good to be true. It only makes sense that it can’t work out for me.
“I’ve never seen any of your paintings,” Logan’s voice cuts into my sad thoughts. “I have no doubt that you’re talented…”
The pressure in my chest causes me to press a hand to it. “I haven’t painted in a while. I drew while you were away to D.C. But I haven’t done anything else in a long time.”
Logan gives me an apprehensive look. “But you still like it? Making art?”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.” I shrug in self-deprecation. “I always assumed I would succeed, but…”
“But you decided to follow me here and throw it all out the window. For me.” He gives me a sad smile when he says it.
“It wasn’t just for you, Lo,” I argue. “It was for me, too. I wanted to be happy. With you.”
We stare at each other over the table full of food that has yet to be touched. I squirm in my seat, wondering where he’s going with all this. Maybe he is breaking up with me after all. It would be the cherry on a very craptastic day.
“Could I see your drawings?” Logan asks from out of nowhere. “You promised you’d show me.”
“Now?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Why not?”
On shaky legs, I get up from the table and go to the living room where I put my drawings in the drawer of my one side table. I pull them out and head back to the kitchen, wondering where Logan is going with all this. I hand him the papers and sit back down.
I get really nervous when he just flips the few pages over, then looks at all of them again.
“I know nothing about art,” he starts. “But these are seriously amazing, Lizzie.”
He sounds like he is in awe with what he’s looking at, and I blush when our eyes connect.
“I never doubted your talent,” he tells me. “But you’re blowing my mind, woman.”
A warm feeling spreads inside my chest, calming me down. I don’t feel as stressed about my life as I was before he got here.
“I want you to move in with me. I have a spare bedroom that you can turn into a studio. You can paint there,” he spells it out when I don’t say anything.
“Logan,” I gasp in shock. “You’re crazy!”
He shrugs, completely unaffected by my words. “Just as crazy as you were to follow me here like that.”
I laugh at that because it’s true. Now, as I look back, I realize that I did not think things through. I don’t regret coming for him, but I do regret doing it in such a dramatic fashion.
“So now you want to make an art studio in your house to match my craziness?”
“Why the hell not,” Logan laughs. “I want to be with you. Your apartment can’t accommodate us both for much longer. And most of all, I’d love to come home to you after every game on the road.”
I shake my head at him, feeling out of my element. What if I make another mistake accepting Logan’s offer? Have I not done enough damage to my life?
“Come on, babe,” Logan stretches his arm across the table, inviting me to do the same. “Let’s be crazy together.”
Crazy together.