27. Carina
twenty-seven
Carina
“S o, Jacques?” Kamirah asked with a curious smile.
She was married to Chris Minns, the teammate who Alec had fallen out with. It was the first time I’d met her—they’d come to the house for Chris and Jacques to talk, and I was struggling to be polite.
I was oddly protective of my daughter’s boyfriend. Alec was a sweetheart who seemed so alone in the world. He’d had a tough run of it, too—the controversy between Chris and Alec had nearly ended his career, and he’d been cast aside by much of the team. Jacques and Carter Hewitt had been the only people to speak to Alec for much of their trip to Australia. He had no family, and he couldn’t talk to any of his friends—at least not from what Cara told me. He’d been alone and hurting. Cara and Monroe were the light he’d needed during a dark time, so Chris and Kamirah were lucky I was only ambivalent about them, not outright hostile.
I understood that Jacques was the team captain and it was his job to foster a relationship between the whole team. He’d had Alec over most days, sometimes with Carter and other times with more of the team to skate, do weight-training sessions, and even a mock firefighter-training physical that Trav set up. There were quite a few barbecues and pool parties, too, starting with the one that everyone had just shown up for the day after we got back from Vegas. But today was the first time Chris and Kamirah had come.
I respected that he and Kamirah were still together and they both needed time and help to get over whatever had almost caused the team to implode at the end of the last season. But it didn’t mean I had to like the fact that my daughter’s boyfriend had been hurt.
I adjusted the kaftan I was wearing and kicked my feet in the pool. The shade was so much cooler than the baking sun, but it was still hot. Boob sweat was very real and gross.
“Yeah, he’s wonderful,” I hedged. I was being evasive, but I didn’t trust her.
Kamirah nodded and pressed her lips together. “Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, genuinely unsure of what she was talking about. Was she referring to Jacques and me or something else?
Kamirah sighed and moved off the sun lounger she’d been sitting on. She wasn’t at all what I’d expected. Many of the wives and girlfriends were glamorous, slim, blonde, and beautiful in a Scandinavian runway modelesque kind of way. Kamirah was beautiful, too, but she was so very different to those women. I felt an immediate kinship with her because of it, too, and it didn’t sit comfortably.
Neither of us was going to become part of the popular girl clique with the Kamirah/Hux scandal still fresh in their minds, and there was also my age. The women seemed nice enough—the whole team did—but the judgy comments I’d heard at the get-together had soured me on them. Kamirah seemed to be genuinely trying to build a connection with me. That didn’t feel right either.
She kicked off her slides and sat down next to me, then dropped her feet into the water. Kamirah was as curvy as me, but where I was top-heavy, she was pear-shaped with thick thighs and hips and a rounded belly. The black bikini she was wearing under the short black see-through robe contrasted beautifully with her pale freckled skin and fiery red hair. It was that perfect copper color, bright and unmistakably natural.
She lifted her foot out of the water, and the drops there gleamed in the sun as they ran down her leg. She perched her sunglasses atop her head among the mass of curls and looked off into the distance. “Chris and I lost a lot of friends when TMZ broke the story about me and Hux—”
I held up my hands, halting her conversation. I needed to be honest with her and set the record straight before she divulged anything she wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to someone who had a connection to Alec. “You should know that my daughter is dating Alec.”
She gave me a small smile and nodded. “I’m glad he has her and the other man. Sorry, I don’t know his name.”
“Monroe. He’s good to Alec too.”
“That’s real good.” She was quiet for a moment and sighed.
Kamirah paused for a long moment, then added, “I promise you, Carina. We aren’t bad people. We both regret that Hux was the scapegoat. He and I were painted as the villains, but we aren’t.” She shot me a small smile and added, “But I’m sure you already know that about him.”
“I do.” I nodded slowly, taking in the way she was lounging. At first glance, she looked casual, like she didn’t have a care in the world, but the more I looked at her, the more I could see the weight she was carrying.
She looked forlorn. Lost and lonely. I’d had Sophia when my world had imploded. Did Kamirah have anyone? The initial discomfort that was niggling at me when we’d started speaking had disappeared, disbursed like a fog rising in the morning sunshine, and I realized that I wanted to be there for her. I wanted a friendship with her.
“People suck sometimes,” I commiserated.
“They do. Especially when you thought they were your friend and knew you better than to believe some dumb rumors created to sell a story.”
I nodded, not really knowing what to say to that. I’d never had experience with being under such an intense media spotlight like she had. Every time I’d gone out with Jacques, we’d managed to maintain a fairly low profile. But I didn’t need experience to understand that she was hurting.
“You know, I could always use a friend,” I offered. “I don’t know many people here except Jacques, Trav, Linc, and Alec.”
Kamirah smiled, and the cute piercing on the side of her bottom lip caught my eye. “I could too. I don’t have many left.”
“I get it. I’ve lost some too,” I sympathized. I missed Sophia, but I was coming to realize that I’d done everything I could to repair our friendship. Even if I walked away from Jacques— when I walked away from him—she wasn’t going to magically forgive me.
Compassion welled up inside me. I didn’t believe that she’d cheated with Alec either. In the few minutes we’d been talking, I’d been given an insight into her, a tiny glimpse at a person who my gut told me was a good person. Aside from that, though, I’d gotten to know Alec. He wasn’t capable of hurting anyone, much less a teammate, and especially not in such a vicious way.
I reached out and clasped my hand over her joined ones and squeezed. “I believe you.”
She looked at me, her brows drawn, and lips pursed in confusion.
“That you didn’t cheat,” I clarified. “My ex cheated on me. In the five minutes I’ve known you, I already sense that’s not you.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said. A frown marred her face, and she pressed her hand to her chest as if the pain of hearing what David and Danielle had done was physical.
I flashed her a cheeky smile, butterflies taking flight in my belly when I thought about Jacques. “I’m not. I now have a hot young husband.”
Her eyes sparkled, and she giggled. “Speaking of the hot young husband, how did you two meet?”
The breeze died off and I fanned myself, trying to cool down. “Jacques used to live in Australia with his parents when he was about ten or twelve.”
She smiled in surprise. “I had no idea.”
Heat crawled up my cheeks, and I fanned myself again. “Well, up until the day after our wedding, I used to call his mum my best friend.”
She squeezed my hand and I continued, needing to share our story too.
“I’ve known Jacques since he was a preteen. Our families used to holiday together. I’ve kept in touch with Sophia, his mum, since they moved to the States for Jacques’s hockey, but I’d lost contact with Jacques. Then when he visited Australia for the showcase, we caught up and hit it off straight away. I’d just separated from my husband, and….”
“And you followed your heart here,” she finished for me. “That’s so incredibly romantic.”
“Yeah.” I smiled, not correcting the slight factual inaccuracy in the story—the one where I was originally staying with his mum. Then went on a trip to Vegas, got blind drunk, and married my best friend’s son. Oh, and had a threesome that night and now a foursome with his “roommates,” who were actually his partners. You know… minor details.
“I was kind of hoping you’d gotten drunk-married and would end up divorced twenty-four hours later.”
I choked on my own breath and coughed until Kamirah patted my back. She passed me the bottle sitting between us, and I sipped the water.
When I could breathe again, Kamirah added, “Sorry, it’s just that it would have redirected some of the heat off us, that’s all.”
“I get it.” I coughed again and took another sip of water. “Is the press still talking about it?”
“Only when we’re out in public. They see us together and wonder why we haven’t separated. Then they see us apart and speculate that we’ve split. I feel like we deserve the criticism, karma coming back to bite us. But it’s exhausting.”
“I can imagine. Especially when you haven’t really done anything wrong.”
“Except the way we kept our mouths shut and let Hux take the fall,” she said bitterly. “Chris has a good reason to stay quiet. You probably can’t fathom what that would be, but he really does, and I wouldn’t break his confidence. I hate that we hurt Hux, but this time, Chris needed to come first.”
“Fair enough,” I said tentatively. “I may be overstepping, so tell me to get stuffed if I am, but you have needs too. Chris may have needed to come first then, but you look like you’re struggling with the fallout.”
Kamirah groaned and rubbed her forehead. “I am,” she admitted. “I love my husband, I really do, but I hate that he’s put me in this position. I hate that he can’t see a way out of it, and I hate even more that I have to stand by and watch it all without being able to defend myself.”
“Is it affecting your marriage?”
She nodded, and my heart broke for her.
“Do you want to save it?” I asked.
Kamirah snapped her gaze to mine, her blue eyes aflame. “You’d better believe I do.”
“Then work on it,” I counselled. I thought about how Sophia and Pierre hated that Jacques and I were married. They felt like I’d betrayed them, and I understood it even if I hated it. But if the situation were reversed, if it were Pierre with Cara, I’d be furious too.
“Emotions don’t need to be logical. They don’t need to make sense. What we feel is what we feel. If you’re struggling and angry, that’s valid. Chris needed your support when TMZ broke the story. Now, maybe, you need his.”
She blinked, then touched her fingertip to the corner of her eye, wiping away a tear. “I don’t want to leave him. I love him. But it feels like there’s this simmering anger between us that’s growing every day. I miss the way we were.”
“Have you tried counselling?” I asked gently.
“Yeah, but we didn’t gel with the counsellor, and Chris walked out. He refuses to go to anyone else.”
“Maybe some time away might help. A change of scenery, perhaps? Pick somewhere that has no mobile service and do things together—talk, reconnect.”
“That’s a good idea,” she agreed. “Maybe I’ll suggest it to Chris.”
“Good.” I fanned myself. It was as if I was cooking from the inside out.
“Chris is on the player assistance program this season,” she confided, but I had no idea what that even was. “I’m worried that if he goes back before we’re ready, our marriage will fall apart. But if he doesn’t go back, I’m worried he’ll self-destruct. He needs the team.”
“You still have a little while before preseason training starts. Make use of it. Maybe you’ll both be ready for Chris to go back then.” I paused and wiped my forehead. “Holy shit, it’s hot.”
“Let’s go for a swim,” Kamirah suggested, swishing her feet in the water again.
I groaned. “None of my swimmers fit me anymore. I’ve gained weight.” I pursed my lips and tossed my hands up in the air in a huff. “And the thing is that I’m eating healthy and doing more exercise now than I ever have.” I palmed my breasts, which were getting bigger by the moment and gestured to my belly and ass in frustration. The problem wasn’t the weight gain itself. It was that I was growing out of my clothes.
“Ah, honey, you aren’t pregnant, are you?”
I barked out a laugh. “No, that’s ridiculous.”
I thought back to when I’d last had my period. When was it?
I…. Hmm, um…. Oh shit.
I had no idea. Had I had it since I’d been at the ranch? I wasn’t sure that I had. I’d spent two weeks at Sophia and Pierre’s house, and I remembered changing tampons there. That was the last time.
It was months ago.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I swallowed and gripped the edge of the pool, suddenly lightheaded.
“When did you have your period last?” she asked.
I looked at her wide-eyed. “Too long ago.” I shook my head. It was impossible. “I’ve taken the pill religiously each night. I haven’t missed any.” But even as I said that, I realized it wasn’t true. I took the mini pill, the one that needed to be taken at the same time every twenty-four hours. The plane trip over had thrown out my timing and I’d had to restart it. It wasn’t effective for a month.
Then there was Vegas.
I knew I hadn’t been thinking straight that night. There was no way I’d remembered to take it, not when I’d been drunk, wrapped up in being married and having two of the most gorgeous men stripping me down. I’d been horny and so desperate for them to get inside me I hadn’t even thought about protection, never mind the pill.
The month reset.
I’d had unprotected sex over and over during that time. If I was pregnant, it could be either of Jacques’s or Trav’s.
Fuck me.
My chest squeezed, and my breaths quickened. My heart rate shot up, and I flushed hot, then cold.
My surroundings spun, dizziness overwhelming me.
Oh God, I was going to pass out.
“Lie down,” Kamira instructed, cool as a cucumber. Then when I was on my back, she added, “Roll onto your side. Look at me.”
She laid down beside me, facing me, and grasped my hands in hers. “Breathe in, nice and slow, and hold it.”
I breathed in but couldn’t hold it. The air rushed from my lungs, and I sucked in another breath.
“Everything is going to be okay,” she murmured in a low voice. “Squeeze my hands.” I did, and she smiled. “Good, that’s it. Now wiggle your toes.”
I tried, but my feet were numb. Tears welled in my eyes, and she brushed my hair off my face.
“Carina, it’s okay. I’m here for whatever you need.”
A sob hitched in my chest. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“You don’t know for sure. Let’s get a test. It’ll be okay.”
“Please.”
She smiled sympathetically and pulled out her phone, tapped the screen, then put it away.
“We’ll have it in an hour. Until then, tell me about where you’re from. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia.”
When I couldn’t get the words out, she chatted away, telling me all about how she’d never been outside of North America. She asked about kangaroos and koalas, whether the snakes and spiders really were deadly, whether I’d seen crocodiles and sharks in the wild, and how close the Great Barrier Reef was to Uluru and Sydney Opera House.
Within what felt like only minutes, Trav walked out and handed Kamirah the package.
“This just came for you,” he said. His brow furrowed when he took in how we were lying, our heads close while I was still holding Kamirah’s hands in a white-knuckled grip. “Y’all okay?”
“Just dandy, honey,” Kamirah said, her dismissal clear.
He hovered, and I plastered on a smile that I was sure looked as fake as it felt. This was it. This was the moment when my life was either going to be turned upside down or I was going to celebrate modern medicine performing a miracle. I loved kids, I loved babies, but I couldn’t have another one. Not now, not in the States, and definitely not while fake married to my temporary husband.
Trav finally left after our reassurances, and Kamirah ripped open the package.
“Go pee on the stick,” she instructed as she handed me the box, then gestured to the pool house. “Is there a bathroom in there?”
I nodded, and she helped me up. I was wobbly on my feet, still lightheaded and tingly, so she guided me inside and opened the bathroom door for me.
She came inside, pulled out the stick, did a quick read of the instructions, and said, “You literally pee on the stick. I’ll come back when you’ve cleaned up, and we’ll wait together, okay?”
I couldn’t do anything but nod. My hands shook as I took the test from her.
She hugged me hard. “Whatever the test result is, I’ll help you. You aren’t alone.”
“Thank you,” I rasped, my voice sounding like I hadn’t used it in a decade.
Peeing on the stick should have been easy, but I was shaking so hard, I nearly missed. I put it down and closed my eyes, then exhaled and tried to pull myself together. I’d done this before. I’d had a baby when it was the least opportune time. I’d been seventeen when I found out, not even out of high school, and I’d survived. Cara was thriving. She was a beautiful soul, kind and caring. She was smart and genuine. I’d raised her. If I had to, I’d do it again.
I had options now, too, though. I wouldn’t need my parents’ consent to terminate the pregnancy. I just needed to be able to get to a clinic.
I cleaned up and opened the door.
Kamirah ducked inside and rested her hands on my shoulders. “You’ve got this, honey. Whatever the outcome is, we’ll get through it.”
“Why?” I asked, unsure of where the question even came from. I was grateful that she was being so caring and felt guilty that I’d initially doubted her. “I mean—”
“Because no one was there for me when TMZ broke their story. I’ve been going through it alone. Chris had Mironov—his teammate—and Jacques, Hux had his new partners, but I was alone. You’re the first person I’ve been able to talk to about it, and I don’t want you to go through something without support, especially if you aren’t sure whether Jacques would be happy.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, tears spilling from my eyes. “This wasn’t the plan.”
“For what it’s worth, I think Jacques would be very happy.”
I shook my head. “I promised them I’m on birth control.”
Kamirah rubbed my arms. “Everyone knows birth control isn’t one hundred percent effective.”
More tears spilled from my eyes, and I wiped them away with the heel of my hand. My voice wobbled when I asked the question I feared the most. “What if everyone thinks I did it to trap him?”
“Then they’re jerks.”
I looked over my shoulder and inhaled sharply.
Two lines. Positive.
“Fuck,” I muttered, my voice tight. “Don’t tell anyone, not even Chris. Please. I need to…. I need some time.”
“I won’t. Your secret is safe with me.”
Giddy joy exploded in me, my heart dancing with delight. But it was immediately at war with the sense of foreboding in my gut, a dread that was so strong, it was strangling me. I had no idea what my future held and where I’d even be at the end of this year. This test complicated things.
A lot.
I hadn’t bargained on becoming a single mum, especially not in a country where I couldn’t legally work. But those divorce papers would be filed in just a few short months. I couldn’t go back on my word. I couldn’t tell Jacques I wanted to change the deal now, especially when I had no idea whose baby this was. If the Seals had wanted to avoid a scandal before, I could only imagine how badly the shit would hit the fan if the press found out I was carrying my husband’s roommate’s baby because I’d been fucking both since our wedding night. No matter what I did, whether I kept the baby or terminated the pregnancy, Jacques’s career could be on the line. Any kind of bad publicity, and he might not get his renewal. He could be sent back to the AHL or transferred across the country.
I should go. I should leave and let Jacques get back to focusing on hockey. I could blame homesickness and go home early. At least I could work then. I had job prospects and contacts that I could use to get me a decent enough job to rent a house and raise a child. Jacques’s agent would probably sue me and bankrupt me. But if I towed the line and put out a press release saying how much I loved Jacques but missed Australia too much, maybe people would understand. Wouldn’t they? They’d get over it. San Diego’s most eligible bachelor would be available again. If anything, it’d be a positive for the people.
But if I went home, I’d miss out on being near Cara.
My future was already complicated enough. But now I was being pulled in two different directions, and I had no idea which road to take.