Chapter 16 #3
He lets out a surprised laugh as his feet leave the floor. “Ash.”
“What?”
“I can walk.”
“I know.”
“So why am I being carried?”
“Because you're my prince and I'm your knight in shining armor.
He shakes his head, still smiling, and loops his arms around my shoulders. “Show off.”
I carry him into the bedroom and set him gently on the edge of the bed. For a moment, we simply look at each other. I lean in and kiss him again, pushing him into the mattress.
His hands find the hem of my shirt, I let him pull it off, tossing it somewhere on the floor. I love it when he claws at my clothes.
He kisses my neck as I slide my hand under his shirt. His hands fumble at the button of my jeans.
Neither of us rushes.
Neither of us says anything.
I push up his sweatshirt as I kiss down his stomach to his pelvis, undoing his pants.
I pull his briefs down so my tongue can trace the slit of his cock.
“Ash.” My name slips sweetly from his mouth on a sigh.
My mouth wraps around him as my hands slide his pants down to his knees. His hands knotted in my hair, pulling the hair tie out. I guess he prefers my hair down. Good to know.
His hips jolt into my mouth, making his cock hit the back of my throat. I give him a fake annoyed look that makes him smile slyly.
I stay down on him until he’s writhing beneath me, whining. “Ash, I'm ready. Please.”
I kiss back up his chest, pulling his sweatshirt off, licking between his pecs as more skin is shown.
Then I stop.
There's a wide bandage wrapped around the inside of his forearm.
It wasn't there this morning.
My stomach tightens. “Kai.”
He follows my gaze, lust clouding his eyes slightly. “Hmm?” Almost imperceptibly, his shoulders tense.
“What happened?”
His answer comes too quickly. “I cut myself cooking.”
I frown. “Cooking?”
He nods. “I slipped.”
“And cut your forearm?”
“Yeah. I wasn't paying attention I guess.”
The explanation doesn't make sense. Not because people can't cut themselves in the kitchen.
Because of where it is.
Because of the way he's suddenly avoiding my eyes.
Because he's pulling his arm slightly behind his back.
“Kai.”
“It's fine. I promise. Keep kissing me.” He pulls my face towards him, but my eyes are glued to the bandage.
“Let me see.”
He immediately shakes his head. “It's really nothing.”
Something cold settles in my chest. “Hayes.”
He still won't look at me.
I gently catch his chin between my fingers until he finally meets my eyes. “Are you lying to me?”
The silence lasts only a second. “No.”
He's a terrible liar.
His breathing changes.
His eyes drift away.
He tries to push me off, but I pin him down into the bed. I reach over to his arm.
“Let me see.”
“Ash, stop it, it's fine.”
I grab his arm and start to peel the bandage off.
He pushes at my shoulders, but I’m too big. “Ash stop! Red! Red!”
But we're not in a scene. And I'm no longer on this planet, because I know what I’m going to find. I peel the bandage back just enough to see beneath it.
Then my entire body goes still.
Fresh cuts. Angry red skin, still oozing small amounts of blood. There are too many for me to count before my vision blurs.
I stare at them.
My heart pounds so loudly I can hear it. “Kai…”
He quietly pulls his arm back and covers it again.
Neither of us speaks.
The silence stretches until it becomes unbearable.
Finally, I managed to ask the only question my brain could form. “How long?”
Kai looks toward the floor. “It doesn't matter.”
“What the fuck do you mean it doesn't matter?” I push him to his side, revealing the healing cuts on his thigh. “And these? Do these matter?”
Kai pushes me off, pulling up his pants.
My chest feels impossibly tight. “You never told me.”
“I wasn't planning to. It's my body.”
The answer hits me harder than I expected. “Kai…”
“No.” He finally looks at me.
His gray eyes are guarded now. “This isn't something you get to fix.”
“I'm not trying to fix you.”
“You are.”
“I'm trying to understand.”
“I don't need understanding.” He pushes at me again and I let him up.
He pulls on his clothes, hiding the evidence.
“Kai, this isn't healthy. You can't just destroy your body—”
“Who cares?!” Kai snaps, his eyes burn into me. “It's the only thing that fucking helps, okay? It's the only thing that helps quiet everything besides you!”
He sucks in a breath, like he didn't mean to say that last part.
“What?” I ask.
“Ash—”
And then it hits me. Everything all at once. “Were you using our dynamic to…punish yourself?”
Kai looks away from me.
“Hayes, look at me!”
He does. I immediately wish he didn't, because I can see the truth brimming his eyes and streaking down his face.
“That's how it started, but—”
Pain rips through my chest as I stand. “I told you that this was about honesty for me, trust. And you were using it for that?”
Kai doesn't argue.
I grab my shirt from the floor.
“Ash, wait.”
I push through the bedroom door. Kai grabs my arm, and I want to yank it away. I want to yell, to scream.
But I don't.
“I hope you get the help you need, Hayes.” I unwrap his hand and leave his apartment.