Chapter 18 #2
For a few long seconds nobody speaks.
Finally, Noah clears his throat.
“Can we…” He glances toward me. “…talk alone?”
“No.” The answer leaves my mouth before he's finished asking.
Noah sighs. “I figured.”
He looks between us. “So the rumors are true.”
Neither of us reacts. He smiles weakly. “They keep saying Grant follows Hayes around like a guard dog.”
Still nothing.
“I guess they're right.”
Silence.
“Tough crowd.”
Nobody laughs.
The tiny smile disappears from Noah's face. He looks down at the floor. “Um. Shit, I don't know how to go about this.”
Kai shifts his weight, and my hand rubs down his back.
Noah continues. “My mom called me after the game last night.
I told her everything I'd been saying to you since I got traded here, and she…
she wasn't exactly impressed.” He lets out a tired laugh that dies almost immediately.
“She told me I'd spent two years hating somebody I'd never even tried to understand.”
He rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “Then she made me sit down and watch it. The video. I've refused to watch it since William died because I knew what happened. Or at least I thought I did. I figured I didn't need to see it because I already had the story in my head.”
His eyes finally meet Kai's. “I was wrong.”
“I spent two years convincing myself you took my brother away from me. I built you into some kind of monster because it was easier than accepting what actually happened. Then I watched the footage…” His jaw tightens.
“It was just hockey. Two guys making a play that happens hundreds of times every season. Everything happened so fast that by the time either of you knew something was wrong, it was already over.”
He looks away again. “My mom asked me if William would've blamed you.” His voice almost disappears. “And I knew the answer.”
He laughs bitterly. “He would've hated seeing me treat you the way I have.”
Noah takes a long breath before continuing. “I still miss him every single day. He wasn't just my brother. He was my best friend. The guy who taught me how to skate, how to tape my stick, how to throw a punch without breaking my wrist. Every memory I have of hockey somehow starts with William.”
His shoulders sag. “Then they traded me here. Out of every team in the league, they sent me here.”
He shakes his head. “I was already drowning before I got here. Everybody compares me to him without realizing they're doing it. Every interview is about William. Every article is about William. Every mistake I make becomes another reminder that I'm not him.”
A sad smile flickers across his face. “And they're right. I'm not as good as he was. I never will be.”
He swallows hard. “I think, somewhere along the way, I decided if I couldn't yell at fate, I'd yell at you instead.” His eyes fill with tears. “That wasn't fair. No matter how angry I was, it wasn't fair.”
He looks directly at Kai again. “I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm sorry I made you carry even more guilt than you already do. I can't promise I'm magically okay now because I'm not. Losing William still hurts every single day.” His voice cracks.
“But hating you isn't bringing him back.”
He wipes quickly at his eyes, clearly embarrassed by the tears.
“I don't know if we'll ever be friends. Maybe that's asking too much from both of us. But I'd like to stop making each other's lives harder. I think William would've wanted that.”
I glance toward Kai. His face has completely fallen apart. Tears spill freely down his cheeks. For one terrifying second I think he's going to collapse. Instead, he walks forward.
Noah looks confused. “Please don't hit me again.”
Then Kai wraps both arms around him. The hug is sudden enough that Noah freezes. His hands stay awkwardly at his sides. His eyes lift toward me in complete disbelief.
I just nod once.
After another heartbeat, Noah slowly raises his arms. Carefully, tentatively, he hugs Kai back.
Not tightly.
Just enough.
Kai's shoulders begin shaking. “I'm so sorry,” he whispers.
“So am I,” Noah answers.
They stand there holding onto each other while years of grief finally have somewhere to go.
Noah's composure lasts all of five seconds before it cracks completely. He buries his face against Kai's shoulder. A broken sound escapes him.
Kai cries harder.
Neither man is apologizing anymore.
Neither man is defending themselves.
They're simply mourning the same person from opposite sides of the same tragedy.
I stay exactly where I am.
Close enough if Kai needs me.
Far enough to let them have this moment.
For the first time since William Grove died, it feels like both of them have finally stopped fighting ghosts long enough to see each other.
The front door clicks shut behind Noah, and for several seconds neither Kai nor I move. We simply stand in the middle of my living room listening to the silence settle back into place.
A few minutes ago, the room had been filled with years of grief.
Now it's just us.
Kai is still staring at the closed door.
His eyes are red, and there's no hiding that he's cried harder in the last ten minutes than I've ever seen before.
Somehow, though, he looks lighter. Exhausted, absolutely, but lighter.
Like someone finally loosened a knot he'd been carrying around his ribs for years.
I walk over until we're standing shoulder to shoulder. “You okay?”
He lets out a slow breath. “I don't know.”
“I'll accept that answer.”
Another moment passes before he turns to look at me. His eyes are still glossy. “Can we go get waffles?”
I blink. “Waffles?”
He nods. “I really want waffles.”
A laugh escapes me before I can stop it. “That's the emotional takeaway from all of this?”
He shrugs. “I cried a lot and I'm hungry.”
I shake my head, smiling despite myself. “I think you've earned waffles.”
His mouth finally twitches into a genuine smile. The sight is enough to make my chest ache.
I lean forward and press a kiss against his forehead.
His eyes close automatically. The gesture feels every bit as intimate as kissing his mouth. When I pull back, I keep one hand resting lightly against the side of his face.
“One condition.”
His expression immediately becomes suspicious. “What?”
“You call your therapist today.”
His smile fades, but only because he's thinking. Not because he's shutting down. I can practically see him weighing whether to argue. Finally, he nods. “Okay.”
“I'm serious.”
“I know.”
“No putting it off.”
“I won't.”
“You promise?”
Kai sighs dramatically. “I promise.”
Only then do I step away. “Good.”
Kai has his therapy appointment in a little over an hour, and we decide to stop by his place first so he can change into something that doesn't smell like sweat and tears.
He unbuckles his seat belt as soon as I park. “I'll only be a minute.”
“I know.”
We climb out together. The morning air is cool enough that Kai instinctively tucks his hands into the pockets of my hoodie. He's still wearing it. I don't point it out.
I just enjoy it.
Kai fishes his keys from his pocket while I carry the leftovers from breakfast in one hand. We round the corner toward his apartment.
Then both of us stop.
Dante is standing directly outside Kai's front door.
He's walking down the hall with his phone in one hand and a to-go coffee in the other, like this is the most normal place in the world to be.
He looks up. “Oh.”
His eyebrows climb. “Hey.”
I narrow my eyes immediately. “What are you doing here?”
He straightens a little.
“I, uh…” His confidence evaporates almost instantly. “…wanted to check on you guys.”
Kai blinks. “You drove all the way over here?”
“Yeah.”
I fold my arms. “You're a terrible liar.”
Before Dante can defend himself, another apartment door opens. Angela steps into the hallway. She's wearing a dark emerald silk robe tied loosely around her waist, her hair still damp from a shower. “Dante, you forgot your wallet—”
She freezes.
Dante freezes.
Kai freezes.
Angela slowly lifts a wallet. “You left this.”
Nobody speaks.
Dante rubs the back of his neck. “Oh. Thanks.”
Angela walks over, cheeks turning pinker with every step.
Dante reaches for it. Their fingers brush. Neither of them says anything.
Kai looks at Angela.
Then at Dante.
Then back at Angela.
His mouth slowly falls open. “Angela.”
She winces. “Hi.”
He points between them several times. “My teammate?”
“It's not what you think. We just stayed up talking—”
I gesture toward Angela's robe. “That robe doesn't exactly scream We were just talking.”
Dante coughs. “We talked.”
Kai turns toward him. “All night?”
Dante hesitates. “Mostly.”
Angela hides her face behind one hand. “Oh my God.”
Kai's eyes somehow get even wider. “Angela.”
“Nope, I'm going. Bye!” Angela rushes back into her apartment and locks the door.
The hallway falls completely silent. Dante watches the door for a long second before realizing we’re staring at him.
“What?”
Kai crosses his arms. “You.”
“What about me?”
“You fucked my best friend, didn't you?”
Dante smiles sheepishly. “I like her.”
I clap him once on the shoulder. “He's got it bad.”
Kai laughs—a real laugh this time. “I think you're right.”
Dante sighs dramatically. “How'd you know I was lying?”
“You were standing outside her apartment wearing yesterday's clothes,” I point out.
Kai unlocks his front door, still grinning. “Come inside before the rest of my building decides to investigate.”
As we step into the apartment, Dante mutters under his breath, “I cannot believe I got caught because of a wallet.”
I smile. “No. You got caught because you were standing outside your girlfriend's apartment with heart eyes.”
Dante immediately turns bright red. “She's not my girlfriend.”
Kai and I exchange a look. Neither of us says a word.
Dante groans. “Oh, don't do the silent thing.”
We both keep smiling.
“Guys.”
Still nothing.
“I hate both of you.”
Kai laughs again as he closes the apartment door behind us.