Chapter 21 #2
“Luc, we did you a favor by taking her last week, didn’t we? I really don’t deserve to listen to your whining right now, especially not after I drove all the way here to bring her favorite stuffed animal, which she left at our house.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Lucas replied tightly. “I appreciate that, but the eagle is her favorite stuffed animal, not the parrot. You could have called to…”
“They’re both birds, what’s the difference?” Lucas’ mother’s voice rose uncomfortably loudly, and Melody flinched.
“Grandpa and Grandma sometimes yell at each other,” she whispered. “But Lu says it’s not because of me. It’s just their way of compromising.”
“Yeah. Compromising properly is hard for a lot of people.” Anna smiled at her and pushed the bathroom door shut with her foot, blocking out Lucas and his mother’s conversation. “And Lu’s right. Sometimes grown-ups are loud. But it’s not your fault.”
“But they’re talking about me, aren’t they?” She raised her eyebrows questioningly. “Then how can it have nothing to do with me?”
God, she was really too observant and clever. “They just disagree about some things that have to do with you. Still, it’s not your fault. Here: Pick a bandage.” She presented her with a selection of Barbies, fire trucks, and eagles.
Melody pointed unerringly at the fire truck. “To put out the wound,” she explained.
“Excellent choice,” Anna confirmed, brushing her hair back from her face before carefully applying the bandage over the small cut in Melody's palm.
“I’m done, right?” Melody jumped off the small stool. “Can we go downstairs and help Lu now?”
Anna bit the inside of her cheek. She was certain Lucas didn’t want Mel around while he argued with his mother.
“You know what? We haven’t even finished watching Moana yet. Would you like to check out the rest on your tablet while I clean up the kitchen with Lucas? I mean, you’re welcome to help clean up, but...”
“I’ll watch Moana,” the girl replied hastily.
“Great.”
She waited a few seconds until Lucas and his mother’s voices briefly fell silent, then gently pushed Melody by her narrow shoulders through the hallway into her room, prepared her iPad, and put on her headphones.
She knew from experience that nothing ever completely blocked out arguments, but this would help.
“I’ll let you know when we’re done cleaning up, okay? ”
Absentmindedly, Melody nodded, her eyes already fixed on the screen.
Anna pressed a kiss against Melody’s head – you could never give too much affection when people were arguing downstairs – before stealing out of the room.
She closed the door just in time before Lucas’ calm but strained voice drifted upstairs.
“...Mom, it’s not okay that she always comes back with stories about you breaking dishes! And I told you to stop arguing in front of her. It scares her when you're so loud.”
“Luc, you’re really not in a position to criticize.” His mother’s voice was shrill and condescending. “She was with us for five days and didn’t hurt herself with a knife. I’m just saying that you can’t let children play with sharp objects!”
“I know that,” he replied tightly. “It was an accident. And the cut wasn’t deep, she...”
“A cut is a cut! You know, my dear son, this is another one of those times when I think Laney didn’t do herself any favors by giving you custody. You’re obviously overwhelmed by the task.”
A bitter taste filled Anna’s mouth, and she felt her hands clench as she hurried toward the stairs.
“We should have gotten Melody.”
“Sure, so she learns to conjure drama out of thin air, right? She’s exactly where she belongs.”
“With you? Come on. You’re not a father, Luc! I remember very well you telling me that you never wanted to marry and have children because it’s too stressful. Because you only like to think about yourself. Ignoring your sister, blaming us for how we behave...”
“That was a decade ago, Mom!”
“Still. You’re her funny uncle. I know you’re playing family with her. But you’re alone and you’re a man, you can’t give her what a mother could give her, you...”
“Of course he can,” Anna stated sharply, jumping down the last few steps.
What right did this woman have to accuse Lucas of not being a father?
She couldn’t care less that she was his mother!
Had she watched him with Melody for even a second?
The woman in the doorway had the same gray eyes as Lucas, but otherwise, didn’t bear much resemblance to him.
She wore a bright neon green dress and a sour expression, while Lucas had his hands clasped behind his back and looked as if he wished someone other than Melody were bleeding.
“Where’s…” he began.
“She’s upstairs. I put on a movie and gave her headphones,” she murmured, squeezing his arm. “But we should still keep it down a bit.” She glared at Lucas’ mother.
“Excuse me? Who the hell are you, and what right do you have to tell me how to behave?”
“Hey,” she said coldly. “I’m Anna. And I’ll tell anyone who tells Lucas he’s just Melody’s funny uncle what to do and not do.”
The woman snorted loudly. “I have no idea who you are, but you don’t know him better than I do.”
Anna felt Lucas stiffen next to her and placed a reassuring hand on his back.
“If you believe your son was the wrong choice for Melody’s custody, then I know him a thousand times better than you do,” she whispered urgently.
Lucas’ mother simply laughed and stared at her son with pursed lips. “You really do hang out with nice people, Luc. You...”
“Mom,” he said sharply. “Stop talking before I get really angry. Thanks for the stuffed animal. Thanks for watching Melody. I’ll get in touch with you. But it’s better if you leave now.”
“Because of her?” she said, exasperated, nodding at Anna.
“Yes,” Anna answered for him. “You see, I have a bad temper. He just wants to protect you from me.”
A person who didn’t know Lucas so well wouldn’t have seen the smile work at the corners of his mouth, wouldn’t have known that he was hiding a smile from his mother, but his mother was the one who didn’t know Lucas well.
“Fine. I have an appointment anyway,” his mother said irritably. “But you really should teach Melody to eat what’s served! It’s unreasonable that we have to cook specially for her.”
“She’s five. Of course she doesn’t like the fish looking at her,” he replied harshly. “That shouldn’t have surprised you!”
“Fish is healthy!” She gave him one last stern look before disappearing out the door.
For a few seconds, Lucas stared blankly at the door while Anna looked at him, worried. Then he sighed heavily, sank onto the stairs, rested his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his face. “Is Mel okay?”
“It's hardly worth mentioning, Lucas,” she whispered, sitting next to him and stroking his neck. “It stopped bleeding and there’s a bandage on it. Nothing to worry about.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“It’s always a pleasure talking to my mother. Sorry you had to... be there.”
“It’s fine,” she said, surprised at his apology.
He nodded — and fell silent. But it was a different silence than normal. A tense silence. A silence that felt as if Lucas wanted to fill it, but didn’t know how.
So Anna said nothing. She stroked his neck, down his back, and was just... there. Like he had been for her these last few days. Waiting until he’d sorted out his thoughts.
“You know, she makes me angry. My mother,” he said hesitantly after a while. “But, at the same time... she’s right. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m playing family with Melody.”
Anna’s heart sank, and her hand grasped his shirt. “No, Lucas. That’s nonsense.”
“No, it's not. I’m... overwhelmed.” He pressed his thumb and middle finger to his eyes. “It’s like she says.”
“Every parent gets overwhelmed at times.”
He laughed dryly and raised his face, but didn’t look at her. “Melody hurt herself and all I did was panic. If you hadn’t been there...”
“You would have calmed down and handled it,” she replied.
“You can’t know that! I can’t stand the sight of blood, Anna. Especially if it’s Melody’s. You can’t know if...”
“Yes, I can.” She cupped his face in her hands, turned it toward her, and forced him to look at her. “Because you would have. You would have pulled yourself together and done it. For her. You love Melody so much that watching the two of you makes my heart swell.”
Lucas shook his head and closed his eyes, but didn’t pull her hands away.
“You’re still learning, Lucas! And that’s okay,” she whispered urgently. “All parents continue to learn. And shit, most of them are only half as amazing as you.”
“No. I make her cry all the time. She’s so sad when I leave. Every time,” he whispered. “And I never know what to say to her. I’m not good at dealing with her emotions. At dealing with any emotions! I have no empathy.”
“That’s not true, Lucas. If I’ve learned anything these last few days, it’s that your empathy is tremendous. Melody feels safe and loved with you. That’s more than I can say about my childhood or my father. So...stop putting so much pressure on yourself.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” he whispered hoarsely, looking at her with the question in his eyes.
“How? She’s this perfect little being, so ridiculously smart and witty.
And I’m a complete idiot. It all happened so fast back then.
Laney was suddenly dead and I had all this responsibility and.
.. God, Laney had many flaws, but she was amazing at communicating.
Talking to Melody about her problems...talking to our parents about their problems. She loved drama, but when it was important, she pulled herself together.
But me? I’m good at playing hockey and staring people down.
Those aren’t the qualities that make a good father. ”
“That’s not all you can do, Lucas,” she said earnestly. “You’re a remarkably good listener. You make everyone feel like everything they say is interesting. You can joke around with Melody, make her laugh, and get her to eat her tomatoes.”
“I still don’t do her justice, I...”
“No. My father didn’t do us justice,” she interrupted heatedly. “You’re doing your best!”
“It's not enough. I’m always gone.”
“You’re here when you can be.”
“Anna! Hockey players are categorically bad fathers just because of our damn away games.”
“You call her twice a day!”
“I’m going to disappoint her, Anna,” he whispered harshly, his eyes glistening.
“Just like I disappointed you. Like I disappointed my team last year. Like I disappointed Laney all those years by ignoring her and her problems. I should have been there for her, but I wasn’t.
And now I want to be there for Melody, but. ..”
“You are!” she replied sharply. “Lucas, it’s okay that you have a job. It sucks that you have to be on the road all the time, but you’re still there for her, and she’s still your priority. And... I never felt like Dax wasn’t there for me just because he was on the road all the time.”
“But you’re an adult. Melody’s a kid...”
“And she adores you! Have you ever asked Melody? If you’re doing her justice, if she’s missing something?
Because I don’t believe she would agree with that.
Naturally, she’s sad when you’re not home — because you’re so fantastic when you’re with her.
You make her feel like she’s not alone. Didn’t you hear her at the table just now?
What the other children in her group were saying isn’t true.
She has a parent. That was her opinion. And your sister’s opinion was that you should look after Melody. ”
He took a shuddering breath. “She didn’t have much choice, Anna.
You just saw my mother, didn’t you? She only wrote in her will that she wanted me because I’m the only one who can give Melody a peaceful life without drama.
And I try to stick to that — and yet I sleep with you.
Yet I leave her with my parents when I’m away. ”
“And yet Melody was damn lucky after losing her mother,” Anna added, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. “You’re doing your best. And your best is enough, Lucas.”
“I...”
“It is enough. For her. For me. For your team. It’s truly enough,” she whispered, kissing him gently on the lips. “No one is disappointed. No one blames you. It’s a lot to suddenly have a child. But you're handling it well.”
Nodding, Lucas closed his eyes again until his breathing slowed and his shoulders lost their tension. He was silent again, but this time the silence was no longer heavy and oppressive.
“Thank you,” he finally murmured.
“No, thank you.” She cleared her throat. “For inviting me to breakfast. You know what my fridge looks like, right?”
He smiled. It was a small, weak smile, but it made her heart falter. “Oh, I didn’t invite you for that,” he said. He opened his eyes and took her hands, which were still around his face, in his. “Melody and I are going on a trip today, and I thought you might be interested in tagging along.”
She opened her mouth in surprise. “What kind of trip?”
He lifted one corner of his mouth. “We’re going ice skating.”
She laughed. “Oh God.”
“It’s about time you learned.”
She sighed dramatically and stood. “Okay. I’m in. But only because you need to practice so you can win Friday and advance to the next round.”
He nodded seriously and rose. “Sure, just because of that,” he murmured, leaning toward her and giving her a gentle, intimate kiss on the forehead.
Forehead kisses are I love you kisses.
Penny’s words forced their way into her head.
They made Anna’s heart race and warmed her entire body.
She glanced up at Lucas, who was peering thoughtfully into her eyes.
..and everything about his gaze set her heart ablaze, made her feel like she was exactly where she belonged, living more than just a real life.
Living a happy one.
Shit. It wasn’t an earthquake. She was in love.