CHAPTER NINE #2
I blew out a breath between my teeth and let the words flood out before I lost my nerve.
“Because you’re the rich boy who knew what he wanted and was talented enough to go for it.
I was just some random poor girl who your parents never really wanted around you in the first place.
I would have just held you b–” The last word refused to come out.
I sucked in a breath, determined now I had started. “I would have held you back.”
“No you wouldn't.” His instant denial was right there on his tongue.
It was my turn to laugh at him. “Did you just tell me you grew up? Think about it, Knox. I didn’t come from money. I had no ambition. I was the bookish girl who went to the playhouse and had dreams, not ideas. I didn’t even graduate college. Your parents were right.”
“My parents are gone.” The note of finality in his voice slammed into me.
It became a hard dose of reality that took the boyish, sweet look out of his face and turned it into something colder that I didn’t recognize, but that was him all the same.
"Didn't your stalker boyfriend tell you that, Flick? Dad passed away from cancer years ago. Mum got drunk and wandered in front of a bus six months later. I still don’t know if that was intentional or not. But… I lost them both in less than a year. The worst part? It was right after the Chimeras signed me.” His voice cracked, pain lacing through every word.
The arm over my head dug deeper into the mattress, though his touch remained soft, controlled.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, reaching for him, and he didn’t pull away. “I didn’t know. I didn’t fangirl-ex-girlfriend-stalk you, not even when I wanted to. I felt as though I had no right, Knox. I wasn't yours because back then I said no.”
My heart hurt for the boy I lost, and the man who lost a whole lot more.
Knox stared down at me, the full Chimera, scared and all too aware of what the world required of him.
“I wanted you with me then. I wanted to take those steps with you at my side. I wanted you with me when I lost them,” he rasped.
“I stood there alone. There’s never been anyone else, Flick.
Just you. I hoped…” He shrugged. “Sure, I moved and I played for other teams, but I always wanted to play here. I wanted to be here. I came back home.”
That was it. He stopped.
I swallowed hard past the lump in my throat that wouldn’t dissolve. “I stayed, too.”
“You ran.” That wasn’t an accusation. Just a statement.
“I thought that I was freeing you. So you could be you. Not be stuck with…me.”
He leaned down, running his dry cheek through my tears. “Maybe you should have asked, huh?”
My laugh might have been the shakiest thing about me right then. “Maybe. But it would have been an honest answer.”
“It would have been, Flick. It’s always been you.” His head turned, his mouth seeking mine.
A question, and an answer.
In the end, I didn't know who started what. His mouth pressed to mine, and I lifted up to meet his kisses in full. Soft, then insistent, Knox stroked his tongue across my lips, not seeking permission, knowing I’d always give it.
I moaned softly the moment he pressed inside, pushing my mouth wide to explore.
The shirt hitched up as he settled his weight over me, letting out a groan of his own.
“Fuck, the night I spent on the sofa was torture, Flick,” he murmured into my mouth.
“I wanted you so damn bad that every sound you made, I ached for you. Every time you turned over, I wanted to crawl in and soothe you back to sleep. Tell me you’re gonna let me sleep with you tonight?
Every goddam night from now on.” He was begging.
Something about that left me warm inside. Pleasure shot through me as he ground his hips against mine. But I had a confession of my own.
“I- I don’t know how to sleep with someone else,” I whispered.
Knox froze. “Say that again, sweetness,” he demanded. “Be real clear about what you mean right now.”
I blushed and shook my head. “Not that. I’ve had sex. I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing he’d wanted to be my first, but we had missed that chance a long time ago. I closed my eyes. “Garrett—”
“Fucking Garry-boy,” Knox growled. “Gonna wax his corpse for giggles.”
I released a giggle of my own and clamped my hand over my mouth.
I didn’t know what they had all done that night, not in detail, at least, and I hadn’t asked.
But the way he reassured me afterward told the story of what he didn’t say.
You’re safe. My heart pounded at the admission then, and double timed it now.
Knox caught my wrist, rubbing his thumb over my pulse point as he levered my arm over my head, pinning it there while I gabbled at him, my mouth on automatic while my brain decided on a trip to memory lane that no one wanted to go on.
“He was never home. Work and travel. A lot. So he likes his sleep. Liked,” I corrected myself. “And that meant that we had, um…”
“You slept in different rooms? Like in a fucking historical film?” Knox’s eyebrows rose into his hairline. “How the fuck did I miss that?”
“Yes?” I squirmed beneath his weight, somehow delighted to have hidden something from him, but loving that he watched me all the time too. Maybe we’re as twisted as each other.
His gaze roamed over me, hungry and devouring. “And he’s been your only steady since we broke up?” That begging tone was back that I had a solid love/hate relationship with.
“Yes,” I whispered again. Anything to remove the doubt, what he thought he didn’t know.