11. John
We spent the next week following a routine.
Wake up, fix a smoothie, listen to Joey grumble, and go to the gym. We took a rest day on Wednesday and finally gave in to her requests to stroll on the treadmill watching something called ”Fixer Upper.” I jogged beside her, music blasting in my own headphones, but I caught glimpses of her smiling and laughing along with whatever the people on her screen were saying. I liked seeing Joey happy.
Our workouts were slow—Joey was learning, and it was good for me to get back to basics. We went home afterwards, and I often headed to the rink while Joey told me not to worry about her and shooed me away. It was at those moments I wished Hank could talk. He clearly knew how my friend was spending long lonely hours at my house, but he didn”t offer anything when I asked him.
A couple afternoons, Joey went with me to check out plans for the hockey camp that was happening in July.
”You organized all this?” she asked, her hands full of brochures and flyers as we left the foundation office and headed back to the car after I”d met with Elliott.
”Yeah,” I said. ”It started really small—just me teaching a couple of kids to skate. They approached me after a game, and there was something one of them said that made me want to help...”
”What was it?” Joey”s hand clutched my arm, like if she didn”t get the answer, she couldn”t go on.
”This little guy, Alex. He looked up at me with these big dark eyes and told me that his dad had been a huge hockey fan and had always promised him he”d teach him to play... but...”
”Oh no.”
”Yeah. I guess maybe I related?” I glanced into Joey”s eyes and then looked away, moving again out toward the truck.
”You don”t talk about your mom,” she said quietly as we slid into the cab.
”No,” I agreed. ”But maybe this is kind of a way for me to pay tribute to her. By helping kids like me.”
Joey didn”t say anything, just watched me with those deep understanding eyes of hers as I put the truck in gear and headed home.
We”d spent the evenings on the couch, Joey forcing me to watch a show called ”Suits” starting from the first season. Evidently it had a princess in it, but I was just happy to be close to a real-life princess on the couch. It was good to have someone else around. And it was incredible that person was Joey.
I kept Friday”s workout short. We hit legs for a little while, and by the time we were headed out, Joey was whining, ”tomorrow is an off day, right? Like a real off day. No treadmill, no nothing?”
”Yes. Rest day.”
She was standing across from me looking through the open doors of my truck over the seat, which was at about chest level for her. ”John?”
”Yeah?”
”I don”t know if I can get up there. I”m sore everywhere.”
A rest day was definitely needed. Maybe two. ”Want a boost?”
She smiled at me and the way my insides turned to honey reminded me that I would do just about anything for this girl. I rounded the truck and wrapped my hands around her waist. ”On three.”
I counted and then lifted her up into the truck as she jumped, and when I moved back around to my side, my palms tingled from where I”d touched her.
Some of the guys from the team were getting together at Paddy”s Friday night, and as we drove back home from the gym, I told Joey about it.
”It”s just some of the team, a few of the wives and girlfriends. Just casual—totally social, nothing else.”
She was looking at me across the center console with a strange expression I couldn”t quite read, like she wasn”t sure how to reply. ”If I wasn”t here, would you join them?”
”Yeah, probably.” I didn”t want to confess that I”d missed several nights out like this because I”d talked myself out of going. Sometimes I felt like a poor replacement for Stephano Mizzoni, and it seemed like everyone else must feel that way too.
”Then we should go. Or, um—” Joey paused, her nose scrunching adorably. ”Sorry, I just invited myself. That was rude. You should go. I can hang out with?—”
”You”re coming with me,” I said, putting her out of her misery.
”Oh, okay. Good. That”ll be fun.”
”Yeah?”
”Sure. I”d love to meet the people you work with.”
I let that sink in for a moment. The gorgeous woman at my side would certainly stir up some chatter among my teammates, and I had no doubt that a few of them might be interested in her, a thought that twisted my stomach. She might not be mine, but I didn”t like the thought of any of the guys seeing her as a target of opportunity, either.
It was just after noon when we got back to the house, and each of us headed our separate ways to shower and clean up. When I found Joey again, she was on the couch, her phone in her hands and Hank seated just behind her. He was clearly seconds away from treating her to his traditional head massage.
”Hank, no.” I didn”t think Joey would enjoy the hair stylings of the Burmese cat who”d adopted me.
Joey turned at the sound of my voice, and then spotted the cat. ”How long have you been there?”
”Me or Hank?” I moved to sit beside her.
”The cat.”
”He”s stealthy. You know that”s his favorite spot, though.”
One hand went to the shiny waves that Joey had clearly just dried after her shower. I was certain she was contemplating cat claws tangled in the long strands just as I was. ”Is he about to treat me to a massage?”
”He only does it if he likes you, so it”d be a compliment,” I assured her. ”Hank, get down.” I gave the cat a little wave and he leapt down from the couch, shooting me a narrow-eyed gaze as he stalked away. ”Sorry. Like I said, it”s mostly his house.”
Joey laughed and dropped her phone into her lap, letting her head fall back and then turning to look at me with those wide blue eyes. ”It”s so good to spend time with you, Sammy.” Her voice was light, almost a whisper.
”It”s really good to see you too.”
”I”m so sorry it”s been so long,” she said.
”Hey, I could”ve reached out.” Only I never would have. I”d known a bit about Joey”s life after high school, heard from TJ about her engagement. She”d been on the path I”d always expected she”d find eventually, the one she was born for. Whatever we”d been was just a distraction from that preordained future.
She sighed. ”I like seeing your life, getting to meet your cat.”
I raised an eyebrow. ”Yeah?” She didn”t seem to be enamored with Hank.
Joey lifted her head and turned to face me, pulling one leg up onto the couch between us. ”You need to tell me the truth, though,” she said. ”I know you weren”t expecting me and I just totally crashed into the middle of your world here. If you need me to get going, just say the word.”
So I could get back to beating myself up and spending every night watching myself fuck things up in replays?
”You showing up here was a fantastic surprise. I think maybe I needed a little distraction anyway.”
”It”s gonna get old, though,” she pointed out. ”You”ll tell me when I”m wearing out my welcome?”
I tried to picture myself telling Joey goodbye, watching her drive away. The idea wasn”t one I liked. I knew she wouldn”t stay forever, but for now? I liked having her here.
”I”ll tell you, but I imagine it”ll be a couple years before I say anything like that.”
”Years?” she laughed. ”By then you”d be completely sick of me for sure! I”ve been on my best behavior, but I”m probably impossible to live with.”
I shook my head, smiling at her. ”I can”t imagine that.”
”Well, I promise it won”t be years. I just need to get some things figured out is all.” Her eyes clouded as she glanced at her phone again, and a wrinkle appeared between the dark blond brows.
”What are you figuring out?”
”Little things, you know. Like what the heck I”m going to do with my life. Where I”ll live. My entire future. Stuff like that.” She laughed, but I heard the edge of fear behind it. Joey was scared and I didn”t blame her. Her life had gone from being dictated for her to being a completely blank slate.
”That”s exciting, though,” I suggested. ”You get to decide. You get to do exactly what makes you happy.”
She held my gaze for a long beat and then frowned again. ”It sounds good. I guess I”m just realizing that I”ve barely chosen a single thing for myself. Not much that mattered, anyway. I don”t really know how to start. Or what I even want.”
”Your parents told you what you wanted?”
”Not in so many words, but yeah.”
”Have you heard from them?” I gestured to the sparkly pink phone.
”Radio silence. Even Daddy and Granny T. Mama must”ve threatened them. They”re waiting for me to break down and come back and apologize.”
”That part of your plan?”
”Definitely not. But I don”t know what my plan is.” Her voice picked up a tiny whine, and I hated seeing her upset.
”In high school you were pretty determined to cure cancer.”
”I was a kid.”
”You got the degree.”
”It”s a piece of paper.”
”That”s not all it is, and you know it. I think you”re scared.”
”I”m flippin” terrified, Sammy.”
She looked so sad and small in that moment, I reached out to drop a hand on her shoulder. It was instinct, a supporting gesture for a friend who clearly needed reassurance.
Joey looked up as I touched her, those crystal blue eyes meeting mine and holding them as something hot crawled inside me, spreading out and tensing. She shifted, moving closer, and my hand slid from her shoulder to cup the back of her neck as locks of her feather-soft hair slid across the skin of my arm.
How many nights in school had I lain there, dreaming of feeling Joey”s silky hair on my skin?
I moved my thumb, marveling at the impossible softness of Joey”s skin, and her mouth dropped open just a fraction, that full pink bottom lip catching my eye.
I realized what I was thinking, what my entire body was starting to believe, and was just about to pull back when Joey”s eyes lowered to my mouth, and it was like she”d lit a fuse. The years of friendship and comfort between us spooled up tightly into a tense thread that had us just centimeters apart.
Joey”s eyes found mine again, and I felt the tiniest nod of her head in my palm as my hand cupped it. Yes. She wanted it too. From there, logic and thought took a back seat to impulse and desire, and I closed the distance between us, pausing just before my lips found the perfect softness of Joey”s mouth. I was waiting to wake up. Or for her to say no. Instead, in the pause, her hand found the side of my face, and tingles carried from her touch through the rest of my body.
This.
For years of my life, I”d dreamed of this.
And it had shown up on my doorstep without me even thinking about it.
Josephine Baxter was here. And I was finally going to kiss her.
Our lips brushed, and everything inside me sparked to life as if a switch had been flipped after years of being shut off. Electricity flowed to all those waiting cells throughout my body, lighting me up like a boardwalk carnival inside. I let my eyes drop shut as Joey”s arms went around me, and colors shot across the insides of my eyelids, the sound of my own blood rushing through my ears.
The kiss was soft and careful at first, and then Joey moved, pushing herself against me and tightening her arms around my neck. I pulled her body closer, and felt her lips open beneath mine. I teased her bottom lip with my tongue, and the tiny sound that escaped her sent me spiraling. Our tongues touched, and soon, I was pushing her backward on the couch, laying my body out over hers, our mouths engaged in a give and take that felt like it could go on forever. Joey”s hands pressed my shirt up as they slipped along the skin of my back, and all I could think was that I had finally gotten everything I”d ever wanted in the world.
We made out for what felt like hours, wrapped up in one another, arms and legs intertwined as our breathing turned heavy.
Finally, I began contemplating what would come next in a distant, lust-addled part of my consciousness. I could undress Joey—that was what I wanted to do. But once we went there, there would be no coming back from it. And the woman beneath me on the couch, my best friend, wasn”t in a good place right now. I knew it, and so did she. And if a day ever came when I”d get to have Joey Baxter—really have a chance with her—I didn”t want her to regret any part of it.
I just didn”t think today was that day.
So, as hard as it was, I pulled back, bowing my head so my forehead touched hers. I focused on her arms around me, her body as close as I”d dreamed it would be one thousand times before, and I forced myself to think of my friend instead of the beautiful woman she was. The friend who had left everything she”d ever known just days earlier. The one who was certainly searching, maybe even drowning.
I was going to work to help her find her center. But I was going to do that for her—not for me. If one day, when she was solid again, she turned back to me?
Then all bets were off.
But right now?
Right now, Joey needed a friend.
Her hands loosened their grip on my back, and we stayed like that, head to head, until our breaths slowed and the addictive frenzy surrounding us faded back into the afternoon glow of my living room.
Slowly, I sat up, my cheeks heating as I pushed myself to meet her gaze.
Joey”s eyes were glassy, and she sat up slowly at my side, adjusting her top and pushing a hand absently through her hair. ”Well,” she said, her voice breathy.
”Well,” I repeated.
”Handsome and a good kisser. Sammy, you must have the ladies lining up.” Joey tossed these words out lightly, but something about them felt off, and I didn”t like it.
”Hardly,” I muttered, wishing I could rewind. I shouldn”t have kissed her. Things were awkward now—could we come back from this? I swallowed hard, determined to be a good person. The friend she needed. ”Listen, I”m sorry about that. I shouldn”t have done that.”
”No?” Was Joey flirting? The question was coy, but it was hard to tell. ”Because really, I liked it. A lot.”
She was going to make this difficult, I guessed. ”I liked it too, trust me. But I don”t think you need me kissing you right now.”
Her eyes cleared and she fixed me in a laser stare. ”I don”t, huh?”
This conversation felt like it was going in the wrong direction. Was she angry?
”No, I don”t think so.”
”So, you”re going to tell me what I need?”
”Well, no, that”s not what I meant.”
Joey stood. ”But it”s what you just did. My parents spent my whole life telling me what to do, what I needed. And now here we are, and you”re doing the same damned thing.” She never cursed. Saying ”damned” was like the f-word for her.
She was definitely angry.
But then her shoulders fell and she appeared to deflate. “You’re right, though.”
“I am?”
“Yeah. I’m a mess. I’m sorry, Sammy. Maybe I just need a nap. What time are we leaving to meet your friends?”
”Uh, six?”
”I”ll be ready.” Joey turned and walked off to the guest room, closing the door behind her and leaving me alone to push down the very real feelings of attraction I was battling for my best friend.