Chapter 23 #2
“I didn’t want to lose you, and I didn’t want to break your heart, not after everything you’d sacrificed for me.”
“You stayed with me out of guilt?”
I couldn’t lie to her, not anymore. “Partly, yes, but I also kept hoping that things would get better.”
Kate steadied herself at my words, her shoulders straightening as the confidence crept back into her body. I knew that nothing I said could make up for how I’d treated her, or the way things had ended, but I wanted her to know I regretted it.
“You’re going to find someone who’s willing to put you first. I’m truly sorry that couldn’t be me.”
“I think I already did,” she said, the corner of her lip curving into a blissful smile.
Kate glanced over her shoulder, and that was when I realized someone was waiting for her across the courtyard.
There was a woman leaning against the side of Kenworth Hall, one foot kicked back against the ivy-covered stones.
She wore an oversized leather jacket and a bold red dress that I knew belonged to Kate.
Our eyes met. Her expression was clear, even from more than fifty feet away.
Don’t try anything stupid, pretty boy, it screamed.
“You’ve definitely upgraded,” I said, and an unexpected burst of laughter spilled from Kate, who took a step closer and reached for the lemon bars.
“I’d suggest the whole grand gesture thing,” she said, and for a moment, I was utterly lost as to what she meant. Then it clicked.
“You still talk to Bryce, don’t you?”
Her smile was answer enough. “You were the one I dumped, not him.”
Kate gave me a nod goodbye before she headed back across the courtyard. She said something that made the girl in the red dress laugh, and I watched them walk hand-in-hand until they disappeared into the dining hall. The slightest bit of pressure eased from my chest.
“She’s right, you know.”
I whirled around, and there was Lydia, perched on a wooden bench no more than ten feet away from me.
I’d seen her around campus here and there, but like all the other players on the women’s team, she’d been dutifully keeping her distance.
Slowly, I approached the bench and sat down beside her, my eyes falling over the sketchpad in her lap.
She didn’t look up. A rush of wind pulled at the edges of her paper, and a few strands of loose hair whipped around her head.
I studied her hands as she worked—one made precise sweeping motions with a short piece of charcoal while the other rubbed at the paper to blur the lines of her drawing.
The clouds shifted, a stream of sunshine breaking free and bathing the bench in warmth.
“Right about what?”
Lydia finally looked up at me. “A grand gesture. She’ll forgive you either way, but if you make it special, I’ll forgive you too.”
The revelation came as a complete shock.
“You don’t even realize it, do you?” She rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Grace thinks she’s just as much to blame as you are. If you ask me, you’re both stubborn idiots.”
Grace blamed herself?
“I don’t understand.”
“Yeah, you and me both.”
Lydia’s fingers stilled over the sketch of a woman’s face. There were blurred tears streaming down her sunken cheekbones. The emotion etched within the eyes could not be mistaken for anything other than misery.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re both to blame. What you said was inexcusable, especially after I told you to be careful with her, so you need to be the one to apologize first.”
“I know I messed up. I regret everything I said to her that night.” I waited for Lydia to ask me why I’d done it, but after a long pause, I realized she didn’t care about the why. “I think I know how to make things right, but it might require your assistance.”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
>> > <<
Things got better after we returned to campus.
I’d been holding on to so much hurt that breaking down after the championship game served to ease a bit of the pain.
But I was still far from healed. As the school year stretched into April, I found myself feeling more and more desperate for closure.
It was something my new therapist said I was owed.
We talked a lot about Sebastian at our weekly sessions, almost as much as we talked about my mom.
I hadn’t yet worked up the courage to open her letters, but I thought about it every day.
As I warmed up to the idea of letting her back into my life, I grew more terrified at the prospect of confronting Sebastian.
I was scared to look him in the eyes and see that it was truly over.
On days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, or even go to class, I had two pesky roommates who were determined to see me smile.
Caroline started taking me to the local animal shelter to volunteer, and I’d become a frequent third wheel to Lydia and her girlfriend, Nina.
But the strangest new development came in at six feet six inches tall.
One day, Bryce appeared from between the bookshelves in Nelson Library and sat down opposite me.
I wasn’t sure how he’d known to find me there, or who’d told him to come, if anyone had, but I didn’t question his motives.
It was weird at first, hanging out just the two of us, but we didn’t speak much, and it didn’t have to be said that Sebastian was not to be discussed.
The end of April came with the news that the men’s team were advancing to the final round of the Frozen Four.
When the big day finally arrived, I felt a strange sense of bitter excitement.
Sam was here for the weekend, and I had every suspicion her insistence on visiting was because of the championship game.
I was being babysat by all of my friends.