5. Vayda #2
Hot, fast tears burn my skin as they track down my cheeks.
I curl into a tight ball on the floor, letting ugly, gasping sobs tear their way out of my throat.
The betrayal cuts deep. My body is a traitor.
My brain is a traitor. I want my real Alphas back, not these strangers from the arena consuming my thoughts.
I drown in guilt, using the cold linoleum as a harsh anchor while I fall apart.
A loud, distressed yell cuts through the noise of my crying. Brendan shouts from the living room. Hearing me upset triggers his distress. The sudden noise snaps me right out of my head.
I suck in a ragged breath and slap both hands over my mouth. I scramble up off the floor, my socks slipping on the linoleum. I wipe the wet tears from my eyes with the back of my sleeve and take deep breaths to force the panic down.
I rush out of the kitchen and into the living room.
I drop to my knees beside his wheelchair, grabbing both of his restless hands.
Holding them steady prevents him from hitting himself or the armrests.
His flailing stops after a tense moment.
I release one of his hands to rub a soothing circle on his arm, but my fingers halt against the fabric of his shirt.
My breathing stops.
Brendan stares at my face instead of the television.
His eyes look different. The vacant, confused haze from the brain injury vanishes.
A dark, focused intensity replaces it, a look missing for three years.
His blown-wide pupils swallow the blue of his irises.
His chest heaves. His nostrils flare, pulling in a deep, hungry breath of the air between us.
His Alpha side wakes up, reacting to my pheromones.
A jolt of absolute terror shoots straight down my spine. My stomach drops out. My core clenches, a sudden flood of hot slick soaking my underwear in a matter of seconds. The dull ache in my joints spikes into a searing, feverish pain. A hidden switch flips inside me.
My Heat slams into me, hitting right now, way off schedule.
The proximity to a perfect scent match two days ago threw my entire system into chaos. Skipping weeks ahead, my body forces a heat to demand the knotting it assumes is available. The absence of those Alphas makes no difference. It just wants what it wants.
I release his arm and scramble backward. My shoulder bumps hard against the edge of the coffee table. Putting distance between us is the only thing that will help.
His body still reacts to my pheromones. We figured that out the hard way three years ago, right after he came home from the hospital.
My Heat hit, and his Alpha instincts flared.
We both used to have such high libidos before the crash.
Giving him a release seemed like a safe way to calm the tension for us both.
Straddling his lap to ride out the fever felt like the right move at the time.
Instead of finding pleasure, his face twisted in pain.
Every shift of my hips made him whimper.
He fought my hold, terrified of the sensations and why my hands touched him.
Reading his mind is impossible, leaving me clueless about his capacity to understand intimacy.
The ordeal just left him sobbing in his chair.
It made me feel like I had raped the man I love.
Keeping our relationship platonic became the only way to survive. The terror of his body reacting to my heat will break his mind all over again. Causing him that kind of panic will destroy us both. I have to get out of this room right now.
I jump to my feet and sprint down the hall to the bathroom. I rip open the medicine cabinet, knocking bottles of pills into the sink. My frantic fingers grasp the small, pressurized can of pheromone suppressant.
I pull the cap off and spray the nozzle directly onto my neck to soak my pulse points.
The chemical mist hits freezing cold and smells like bitter rubbing alcohol.
The burn against my sensitive skin registers as a minor annoyance.
Spraying it down the front of my shirt helps dampen the explosive scent of lavender and honeysuckle before it triggers a total disaster for Bren.
I toss the empty can into the sink and sprint back through the house toward the door leading to the attached garage. My head spins. The sheer warmth radiating off my skin threatens to knock me unconscious.
Securing my supplies is next. I need to get my water and food set up before locking myself in the backyard shed for the next seven days.
I shove the garage door open and step onto the cold concrete floor. I run over to the metal shelving unit in the corner to check my emergency stash.
The shelves sit bare.
Staring at the bare metal grates sends a bucket of ice water straight to my panic.
Skipping the shopping trip seemed fine when my heat was due in two weeks.
Using the last of the protein bars and bottled water during my cycle last month left the stash depleted.
Restocking slipped my mind. Going into a spontaneous heat with zero food, zero water, and zero help is a nightmare.
The fever spikes again. A sudden wave of heat radiates from my chest and blurs the edges of my vision. My legs tremble. I lean against the metal shelving unit to keep my body from collapsing onto the concrete.
Digging my phone out of my pocket proves difficult.
My shaking fingers drop the device once before unlocking the screen.
I open my delivery app first, tapping fast to add a case of water and two boxes of protein bars to my cart.
I hit rush delivery to secure the order.
I pull up my contacts, selecting Kristy's name as my last resort.
The line rings twice before she picks up.
"Hey, V. What's up?"
"My Heat hit early, Kristy. I'm completely empty-handed.
" The words scrape past my teeth, choppy and out of breath.
"I just put a rush order through Instacart for water and protein bars.
They should be delivered soon. Can you come wait with Bren?
Just until Vinny gets here. Sit with him.
Make sure he's calm." I swipe a hand over my sweaty forehead.
"Use the spare key under the rock. Put the delivery in the shed for me before you leave. I have to get out of the house."
"Oh my god, Vayda." Kristy's tone shifts to absolute panic. "I’m leaving work now. Expect me in twenty minutes. Don't worry about Bren. I've got him."
"Hurry."
I end the call and open my text messages. Finding Vinny's thread requires focus. My thumbs miss half the keys, relying on autocorrect to fix the mess of letters.
VAYDA:
Emergency. Heat started early. Pls come now. Kristy will sit with Bren until u arrive. Heading to the shed.
I hit send to clear the task.