7. Anya
Chapter 7
T he next four days are a blur of nightmares, horniness for neighbors I'm forcing myself not to interact with, and work. I don't give myself much time to think about my heat, beyond preparing for it. I got extra suppressant air filters and put them along the vents and around my door so there's no way for the alphas above me to know I'm in heat.
I have a bunch of protein shakes ready. I should eat during heats, but it's hard to remind myself to do so when all I want is relief from the lust clouding my mind, and it's impossible to cook for myself. So, I set alarms and drink protein shakes for the week. Is it healthy? Fuck no. I tend to lose weight and then binge on water and takeout the second I'm clear again. It's a vicious cycle, but without alphas there to help me through it, I don't have much of a choice.
No matter how many times my inner omega reminds me I have alphas now, I won't give in. They don't know I'm compatible with them, and I don't think I'll ever be able to be with a pack again. Not with all the flashbacks that keep waking me up at night as I get closer to the anniversary date and my heat, all at the same time. It just sounds like a nightmare to be with them on top of it.
Like clockwork, I listen to them clunk around their apartment for an hour before they leave. At least I know every day how much time I have before they'll be back home, because as soon as they get home my omega will chitter away, wanting me to text Leo, or bake a dessert and take it to them. Good omegas help their alphas while outside of their heat, and then the alphas will help them during.
As I get ready to sit down at my canvas, my phone chimes with an email. It's probably either one of my clients, a potential client, or a gallery. Picking it up, I open it, and my blood runs cold as I see the subject.
Subject: Luis Salama’s Execution Date
Hello Miss Cena,
This is Detective Benson, the lead on your case. I'm writing to let you know that Mr. Salama's date of execution has been set for July 24th. If you want to come, please let me know, and I will set up the necessary badges for you to be present. There is no obligation to be there, but I wanted to let you know so that your mind can be put to rest.
Mr. Gent and Mr. Luvo have requested appeals...
My vision blurs as the words bleed together. I drop my phone as my body heats up. I tug off my sweater, leaving me in the camisole underneath. I try to gasp, but no air will enter my lungs. I need air. They can't be freed. They'll come for me. I'm the reason they're in prison. They didn't get the death sentence because Luis was the leader, but they were supposed to get life behind bars with no possibility of getting out. But an appeal would send them back to court. I would have to take the stand again.
Rushing out to my patio, the chill of winter hits me full force, my body not used to being un covered from my neck all the way down my arms. The tears stream down my face, and I heave a deep breath in as I lean into the concrete wall. Not only is the anniversary coming up, but so much else is happening.
I just want to forget, but the universe won't let me. Not only did it saddle me with scars as a daily reminder, but now it's forcing them back into my mind full force. My gaze shoots up as the black pickup truck that belongs to one of the alphas upstairs comes into the parking lot and pulls into their usual space.
The passenger door opens as Leo hops out. "I know, I know. It'll take me a minute to grab it. Chill!"
I'm frozen in place as he closes the door and he looks my way. I don't have my suppressant spray on. I'm in the most revealing set of clothing I could be in. Fear and desire roll through me as my omega perks up. She doesn't give a shit about the past, or what happened with the alphas before. All she cares about is that our compatible alpha is in front of us, possibly two if their pack leader is compatible with me as well.
He grins at me before it slowly falls when his gaze notices my bite marks and the scars that trace my neck down to my arms. The scars there are old and of my own creation, but it doesn't mean that I feel any less shame over them. If I could get my legs to move and go back into my place, then I could avoid all the questions in his eyes.
He's safe, trust him. He's our alpha.
My omega is such an idiot. No one is safe. The rush of blood enters my ears, and my heart hammers in my chest. His brows knit together as he glances back at the alpha in the driver's seat. Tears drip from my chin as my fingers drag along the grit of the concrete. It's rough, but still not enough to bring me out of my freeze response.
Go to him, them, they'll keep us safe. I know it.
I manage to shake my head in response. Leo steps onto the path that leads to the door to enter the building. As he gets closer, I see the shimmer of pheromone-blocking balm under his nose. Hopefully, that means he can't pick up on my scent and know that we're scent-matched. I don't think I can deal with that right now, on top of everything.
"Anya, are you okay?" He stays where he is, but his weight shifts from foot to foot as if he wants to sprint over here.
All I have to do is nod or sign that I'm fine, and he'll leave me alone. But my body refuses to do anything, as my instincts tell me to bring him closer.
Let him in. He'll keep us safe from them, and we’ll never have to worry again. We need them.
My head betrays me as I shake it. A sob wants to climb my throat, but I push it down, not wanting to make the strange sounds that my voice now makes because of the scar tissue on my vocal cords. It's garbled and hard to understand. I haven't been able to speak in ten years, no matter what kind of speech therapy I tried, to get my voice back.
Leo heads my way. I want to scream, run, hide, as well as go to him, crumple into his arms, and let him hold me until my body stops shaking from fear. The conflicting emotions make black spots appear in the corners of my vision.
The other truck door opens as someone else steps out. "Leo, what are you doing? We need to get going. Jenson is already at the rink, and Coach will have our asses if we're late to practice!" There's a rough alpha bark in his voice, and instead of making my omega shy away, it makes her perk up more.
It's the command of our alpha.
Leo glances back at him as he comes up onto the walk, and then the alpha looks at me. His hazel eyes trail over my body. He also wears blocking balm under his nose. At least they're both using precautions.
They're good alphas, the ones before never cared about that.
First truth my inner omega has said in over a week since waking up again.
Those hazel eyes travel over my scars as well, and he takes a deep breath in. Could he, despite the balm, sense that we're scent-matched? I'm close to my heat and haven't put my spray on. I've heard the balms can block a lot, but it's harder to block omegas in heat, and almost impossible for compatible ones. I don't know how much of that is true, but it increases the chances of them figuring out the truth that I've been hiding from them since they moved in.
Leo continues forward. His blond hair falls in front of his face as he stops in across of me, the small wall the only thing between us. My muscles tremble, and fear sinks in deeper, followed by the rising excitement from my inner omega. It's as if the battle between the two halves of myself has shut down all signals from my brain to my legs, leaving me frozen.
His blue eyes go to the bite marks on my neck. They burn under his gaze. I have to suppress the urge to tilt my neck toward him and ask him to cover the marks with his own so that they'll go away. The thought of him touching my neck almost sends me into orbit as I sway on my feet and try hard not to collapse right there from how overwhelmed I am. A low rumble of a growl vibrates in his chest, and if I wasn't frozen, I would flinch back.
"Are they still here? The assholes who did this to you?" His gaze goes behind me, as if he's going to find the alphas there, waiting to go head-to-head with him.
A shiver wracks my shoulders at the thought of him, Jenson, and their pack leader taking out those men in a fight. Had I known them first, none of what happened would've ever been.
They would've been our pack for so long. We would have children.
Sadness threatens to take hold, and I feel like I'm going to be swallowed up by my emotions and the panic attack on the cusp of breaking through the surface. Leo raises his hand toward my face and then clenches it before he lowers it back to his side and leans down so his eyes meet mine. "Hey, Anya, breathe. You need to breathe."
The burning of my lungs, holding onto their air, tightens in my chest. I know he's right, but I can't move. More spots flicker into my vision, and my body buzzes as it tingles. My knees threaten to give out, and my mind swarms with images of all those years ago, when those alphas told me that if I became their omega, they would take care of me, even with us not being compatible. How they said I meant a lot to them, like family. And then, the roses they promised shriveled, and with them went my trust, security, and the person I was.
I'm slipping.
If I fall unconscious, would they care? If my soul finally left this plane and gave me peace, would they stop it from happening?
"Omega, breathe!"
The resonant tone of an alpha command rocks me to my core, and all at once, I gasp as the world comes back into a sharp clarity like none I have ever experienced before. My gaze shoots to the other alpha next to Leo, the leader of their pack. He stands next to him, his multi-colored eyes staring back as the oxygen returns to my brain. I sign, "Thank you," to him and he nods.
Leo clears his throat as they both tense up and look around, their chests puffing up as if they could take down a lion if it appeared. His command helped knock my body out of the freeze response, and I'm able to straighten and wipe the tears from my face. My hands fall instinctively to my neck. I want more than anything to hide it .
I've wanted no one to see it . Why did I have to run outside? For fresh air? It's not worth it. It's not worth them knowing my secrets. Now there's a chance they might figure out who I am. I've lived in the shadows for so long that I hope most people have forgotten what I looked like, but with the tenth-year anniversary coming up, along with the execution, soon spotlights will be on my name again. If they don't know who I am now, they will soon. I'm not the omega they deserve or should want, not with the history I have behind me.
I edge back toward my sliding door that stands open, letting all the cold air into my apartment.
Leo leans onto the concrete wall. "Are you okay? Are there people in there trying to hurt you?"
I shake my head and risk uncovering my neck to sign. "No one is here. I'm sorry."
Before they can stop me or try to come in, I step inside and shut the door, locking it and shutting the blinds behind me.
My phone glows from the floor near my canvas, and I don't have the courage right now to pick it up. All my muscles weigh a thousand pounds as they shake worse than a chihuahua surrounded by a pack of wild dogs, but I manage to drag myself to my small nest at the back of the apartment and get under my myriad of covers. Covering my head, I hide away from the world and my problems.