Chapter 15 #2
I manage to slip into the shower alone and find clothes waiting once I’m done. It’s a sweatshirt that hits my thighs and a pair of soft leggings, along with new panties and striped socks.
I think they’ve figured out how to make my inner omega happy, even if I don’t understand my own instincts.
I brush my teeth once I’m dressed just to feel fully clean and wince as the pad I’m wearing shifts as I move.
The bleeding is slowing down, but what it means is heavy on my mind as I stare at myself in the mirror.
Pressing my hand against my stomach, I sigh. I’m so sorry, little one.
Lyle is waiting for me as I open the door and he opens his arms. He must have seen something on my face because I can’t keep myself from walking into them and burying my face into his chest. I can’t bring myself to hug him back as he holds me, but I don’t think he’ll hold that against me.
It’s been a long fucking time since I’ve had a hug. My body shudders as his fingers bury themselves into my scalp and he releases my hair from its tie. I notice he slides the hair tie over his wrist without a word, and then he’s back to holding me.
I tried hard not to watch the water turn red as I washed myself earlier, but it was difficult. I helped take the lives of three people earlier today and it felt good. I’m sure a therapist would have a lot to say about this, yet I’m not sorry about this.
Those bastards hurt me, killed the baby inside of me through neglect, and almost managed to kill me too.
“I’m processing,” I whisper.
“That’s very understandable,” he murmurs. “Do you regret anything about today?”
“No.” I mean the word the second it comes out. “I’m conflicted about the baby. I wish they’d had a chance. However, on the other hand, they’d be a living reminder of my rapists.”
“Do you have a favorite flower?” Lyle asks, scooping me back up into his arms. “Silas could plant some for the baby. This way, you won’t forget them.”
My heart doesn’t feel as heavy as I think about that, and I think about the white daisies Hollis used to pick. Her parents wouldn’t allow her to have them in their house, so she’d arrange them in ours instead. My father always thought it was me, so he’d occasionally buy them for my birthday.
“White daisies,” I finally say. “They’re a flower I grew up around, but I don’t think I have a favorite.”
“Silas is a donor at the botanical gardens. He’d love to take you to find a favorite.”
Lyle walks through the hallways as we talk, and I find the pain in my head beginning to lessen. It’s making my thoughts slower though, so I suppose this is the trade off of pain medication.
“We’re back,” he murmurs, curling up on the couch with me.
“Umm. You said you were feeling protective,” I remember. “Why? I’m fine.”
“We’re angry with a friend,” East says, eating a sandwich. He raises his brow as he sees my eyes pass over him, and I shake my head. I’m still not ready for food.
“Do I need to tell you to play nicely with others?” I ask, getting comfortable.
I’m being cuddled in between Lyle’s thighs with my legs curled up.
It’s an intimate position, and I try not to think about how unbothered I am by the ease of it.
Silas pulls a blanket over me and I happily snuggle with Lyle.
My trust still isn’t won over, but I will take comfort where it’s offered by them.
Is it possible to be touch starved? Because I really like the way Lyle plays with my hair and rubs my temples.
“Playing nicely is overrated,” Easton snorts. “We’re also going to be a little more aggressive when it comes to keeping you safe. Which leads us to also explaining a little about what we’ve found out and why we dug into your past at all.”
“We didn’t even know your name at the time we started to investigate,” Silas adds.
“I’m not mad you went looking,” I clarify. “I know you spoke with Bellamy and Winter’s pack.”
“Okay. And you heard about how they know Hollis as well from Cassidy. Caleb and Lars have never stopped looking for you. However, that kind of desperation also could come at an emotional cost for you,” he says. “Can you handle talking to them right now?”
I know alphas can smell blood, and a part of me doesn’t want them to know about the miscarriage.
“Dr. Walsh?” I ask, turning to find him.
“Yes,” he says, pushing off the wall and coming to sit with us.
“How long do you think it’ll be until I stop bleeding?”
“Two more days at least,” he says. “I want to do an ultrasound to make sure you won’t need any further treatment for it, but I don’t think you will.”
“Okay. I don’t want them to know about the miscarriage,” I finally say. “It’s bad enough that they’ll be able to connect the dots from how rough I look. I always thought it might be better if they forgot about me.”
“From what I understand, you left a really large hole in their lives,” Lyle says. “If it gets too intense, we’ll ask them to leave and give you a break. Now, the question is do you want to call to tell them you’re not only alive but free?”
Swallowing hard, I think about it. I know this conversation will be hard, but I also owe it to my brothers to tell them. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn’t want to hear this from someone else.
I want to be the fighter these men say I am. I don’t want to take the easy way out anymore.
“Yeah.” My voice breaks and I take a deep breath as I curse how much my body hates me.
“Then you should call, but after you kick this migraine,” Dr. Walsh says. “There’s a lot of pain in your voice, and it’ll worry them. Pack Mayor has already stated their intentions to court you. Your brothers may be concerned if they think you’re hurt and they aren’t taking care of you.”
“They’d be wrong,” Lyle grumbles.
“The doc isn’t wrong,” Silas mutters.
My lips twitch at how different they mean their words. My brothers would worry.
“My brothers missed meeting my boyfriends with a shotgun on dates,” I say, slightly amused. “They used to tell me I should be careful who I brought home, but I never got the chance to do any of that.”
“I’m sure we aren’t who they’d want for your first anything,” Easton winces.
“At this point, age doesn’t matter much to me,” I admit. I’ve been forced to have sex with men much older than me for years. Now, my choices are firmly back in my court. “The question is what do I have to offer any of you?”
“What do you mean?” Silas asks, his piercing green eyes confused. “I need a little context, Little Fighter.”
Okay, I hate his nickname a little less than when I first heard it. The time I’ve spent here has passed like a blink of an eye, but trauma has a way of making each minute count.
“I’m twenty-five years old, I have no skills we can talk about in the civil world, and—”
“And you’re ours,” Easton growls. Returning his half eaten sandwich to the plate, he cleans his mouth carefully with a napkin, and places both down on a nearby table.
Leaning forward, he twists his lips in thought as he gazes at me.
“If you want to go back to school, we’ll make it happen.
If you want to travel, let’s fucking go.
It’s not about what you can give us, but how happy we are that you exist.”
“We’ve tried dating,” Lyle explains. “It hasn’t gone well.
Our friends are finding their scent matches, packing up, and are so damn happy.
We love this for them, I swear we do. It just feels like life is passing us by.
We’re old fashioned in some ways, Alisa.
We want a special person who is perfectly matched for us. ”
“You are that person,” Silas finishes. “Again, we aren’t here to pressure you in any way, but we are all fucking in. We’re aware you’re going to need care and help to get your strength back.”
“I have some ideas on how to do that,” Dr. Walsh chimes in. “It’s not all going to be pleasant.”
“I wouldn’t expect it to be,” I say. “I’ll try not to complain too much.”
“What fun would that be?” he asks, chuckling. “I want to give it a few days, focus on getting you to eat a little more, and then we can start. I’m putting together physical therapy exercises for you now. While we could hire someone, I want to limit new people when I can do it myself.”
“We had someone kidnapped right off our street last year,” Lyle says. “New people can open up more security issues.”
“I get it. I’m not really a fan of people overall,” I say, turning to snuggle against Lyle. “You’re so comfortable.”
“I’m glad,” he rumbles, hugging me. “I will happily be your body pillow, baby.”
“Security issues aside, you should be getting fresh air,” Dr. Walsh insists. “The garden is perfect for light walking.”
“Garden?” I ask. I haven’t seen very much of the house, and haven’t really looked out the windows either.
“It’s my pride and joy,” Silas chuckles. “There’s plenty of places to sit to take a break while you walk too.”
“I told her you have a thing for flowers,” Lyle teases. I can hear his heartbeat under my ear, and it’s steady and comforting. “I think a date to the botanical gardens would be fun.”
“And safe,” Easton adds. “I know you can shoot now, Alisa, are you comfortable carrying a firearm when you leave the house?”
“The holsters are itchy,” I complain, making a face. “Hollis used to complain about them.”
“They’ve come a long way, beautiful. You’ll barely know it’s there,” he says.
“I could handle that then. Sorry to whine.”
“Don’t be,” Lyle chuckles, his hands rubbing my stomach.
“Don’t stop, please,” I mumble. My cramps are back, but I’ve been trying to ignore them. Having a migraine and cramps at the same time should be illegal.
“I wouldn't dream of it. Anything else I can do?” he teases me.
“Anything else would be greedy.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” Silas says.
“The blood tests I ordered should come back tomorrow,” Dr. Walsh says, saving me. “We’ll be able to tell what is still in your system then.”
“Thank you, Dr.,” I say, yawning. “Ugh. It hurts.”
Lyle shifts down while I attempt to bury my face in his chest. Instead, my nose ends up in his throat, and his purr gets louder.