Chapter 19 #2
“I have an odd feeling the men inside wouldn’t care if you wanted to cut it,” Lars says, popping open the container he has. “This spread looks amazing, and I do plan to eat some, but I want you to try something I’ve been working on, if you’re up for it.”
“Lars can cook and bake anything,” Hollis says. “His pastries are the best I’ve ever had. Aisling tells me fond stories about working there.”
“I used to growl at her because her life fucking scared the shit out of me,” Lars groans, pulling out little sandwiches. They’re tiny and have the crusts cut off. God, he remembered I don’t like the crust!
It’s been a long time since I’ve been allowed to have an opinion on food. I usually eat whatever is set in front of me. It feels odd to recognize that’s no longer my life.
Aisling…Okay, she runs the shelter in Minneapolis. It’s hard to keep track of the bits and pieces I know about people, but I’m doing my best. I dip my head in understanding and Lars continues.
“She slept in parks and trees for a few weeks while working two fucking jobs,” he breathes.
“There was no keeping her safe when she wouldn’t allow anyone to know what her life was like.
The girl lived like a machine, just trying to survive from day to day.
She started working for me at fifteen, and she began working for Caleb right around the time her life got very complicated. She reminds me a lot of you.”
“Now,” he adds as if he didn’t just explode my heart, “try this turkey sandwich, please. I went by the butcher and asked for extra thinly sliced meat.”
He pushes the tiny sandwich on a plate toward me and I take a small bite of the offered food. The flavors of the cheese, whatever spread he added, and turkey make me hum in appreciation. I end up eating the entire thing excitedly and he grins proudly.
“The bread has extra protein baked into it. We rented an Airbnb so I could bake and see if I could find things you’d like to eat. I’m sure everything Silas made is incredible, but sometimes you need to get a little inventive when you’re not used to full meals.”
“I really like toast with cream cheese and strawberries,” I murmur, watching as he places another sandwich down for me. I really like how he doesn’t cram food on the plate. I can get overwhelmed if there’s too much on it.
“That’s a good choice,” Lars says, nodding as I eat.
“Smoothies can be great too, but sometimes those can be too filling. It’s a kind of careful dance.
The omegas I’ve helped over the years have helped me figure out what does or doesn’t work, while taking into account what they like. I have other things in here too.”
“This is really good,” I groan, pressing my hand to my stomach as it growls in hunger. “Just calling me out today, I see.”
Caleb chuckles under his breath and Lars places something else on the now empty plate. It looks like a mini pastry. I’m sensing a theme of miniature food. Ugh, after so many years, he still knows me in some ways.
“This is a protein filled mini quiche,” he explains. “The outside is a flaky crust and it’s still warm. I guess I had a thing for handheld food when I planned this out.”
“This had to have taken you forever,” I rasp, taking a bite of the quiche. “Oh my god, Lars.”
“He’s a beast in the kitchen,” Hollis grins, loading her plate with a prosciutto, peach, and arugula salad. I feel a little better eating with someone else. “There’s always something new on the menu at the coffee shop.”
“Are they going to be okay without you?” I ask.
“Yeah, they’re good. I hired a manager for when I need to be out of town,” Lars says with a shrug. “It means I plan and freeze food ahead of time, but we made it work. More?”
I nod eagerly and eat until I’m full. He even has a lemon square to finish off my lunch of mini foods. Fitting the top onto the container, he sets it aside and joins Caleb and Hollis in eating.
We continue to talk about safe things for the next half hour and then Caleb is setting down his fork and leaning forward attentively. Shit.
“Have you thought about going back to school or if you want to write more? I know we talked briefly about it,” Caleb says.
“I’ve written some notes for a story, but nothing is really clicking,” I sigh. “Lyle offered me his computer to type on to see if it’ll help. He says he recently bought a new one and I can have the other one.”
“That’s nice,” Hollis says, her eyes sparkling.
She told me about her dating service, and it sounds as if she’s a bit of a romantic.
“Sometimes, tapping on the computer makes me feel as if I’m getting more done.
Others, I need to physically checkmark things off or scratch them out.
Having different modalities can help you chase the productivity demons. ”
“I think Easton called that chasing dopamine once while we were talking about it,” I say. “I’ll try the laptop. Outside of writing, I don’t have any idea what I want to do. I feel so weak from day to day, depending on the circumstances. I had a really bad migraine the other day too.”
“Ugh. Those really are the worst,” Hollis says sympathetically. “I have a few tricks for those if they become more habitual. I’d love to help you with your hair if you’re up for it? I’ve heard that trauma is remembered in your hair.”
“Should I shave it off to get rid of it?” I mumble, glaring at it.
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Caleb drawls. “It’s partially symbolic I think too. If you are already thinking about cutting it, Hollis can make sure you don’t end up with it botched.”
“Silas knows his way around cutting shears,” I say defensively, knowing he cut Troy’s hair. “I would like to lighten some of this weight though. It takes forever to blow dry.”
“Let’s see if I can get Silas to give up his cutting shears,” Hollis grins.
The back door opens to reveal my alphas, and I hide a smile, knowing they’ve been listening. Troy brings out a spray bottle and scissors, and I greedily drink in his presence. I love being able to see him every day. I’m really glad he moved in.
Silas had all of his things packed up and his car delivered to the house the way he promised with lightning speed, and I can feel how happy they all are to have another piece of their pack in their home.
Pack Mayor is a force of fucking nature, and it’s impossible not to be pulled in by their charisma.
“Will Silas pout if he doesn’t get to cut my hair?” I ask, grinning as Troy makes a face.
“I’m a fucking grown man, I don’t pout, Alisa!” Silas yells from inside the house.
I giggle as I get the exact reaction I hoped for.
“He’ll be fine,” Troy chuckles, grabbing a chair from the table.
Ugh, the chair looks so far away… Talking feels as if it’s sapping away my strength. I just want to be able to do normal things! Climb a tree, run a damn mile, maybe even have sex without a mountain of bad memories surrounding it.
Is that too much to ask?
“Your chariot awaits,” Troy murmurs, pulling out my chair and effectively grounding me as he lifts me into his arms. His lips press against my temple as if he’s been doing it all his life, and he ignores everyone else as he walks me to the chair.
“I’m going to grab your tumbler from the kitchen.
It’ll be easier for you to keep track of your water intake that way. ”
“It will, will it?” I ask, amused as he sets me down.
“Yep. We’re in the hydration game together, Little Fighter,” he chuckles. Easton or Silas push fluids at us regularly, while Lyle will glance over pointedly at a glass if we haven’t touched it in hours.
I’m so used to being dehydrated, I miss the signs until my mouth feels so dry I can’t talk. It’s a problem.
“Thank you.”
Hollis comes over and asks how much I want to cut off, and I pick up my hair and decide it should be cut to my breastbone.
“Can we do some layers too?” I ask, watching as she pulls up some hair tutorials. It should scare me that she’s researching instead of already being adept at cutting hair, but I’ve always naturally had a lot of faith in Hollis.
In my mind, she can do anything. It’s not even a question for me.
“I can make that happen,” she says with a nod. “I can blend them in if I use this technique too, and then I’ll wash and dry your hair so you can see the full effect. We’ll put one of your guys to work to find the best sink or the bathtub.”
My lips curl up weakly as she addresses the elephant in the room.
I’m less than a week out from the miscarriage and impatiently waiting to have more energy.
I know I can’t wave a magic wand to make it all better.
My body feels as if it’s constantly under attack, and even now, my fingers twitch with anxiety as I hide my hands in the material of the dress I’m wearing.
“Here you go,” Troy says.
“Thank you,” I reply, watching as he straightens up. I can’t help my eyes from roaming along his muscled chest and I sigh slightly knowing I won’t be able to get a hug until my brothers leave.
Even now, their eyes may as well be throwing daggers in his direction. He’s not even doing anything.
“Anything for you,” Troy says easily, walking backward as he winks at me. Ugh, kill me now. I adore the little dimple he has on the right side of his mouth as he grins, and I know he has to understand how attracted I am to him.
He really is gorgeous with his green eyes and dark hair. I just want to sink my fingers into it.
Get it together, Alisa! Do not perfume in front of your brothers.
Thankfully, Troy and his gorgeous ass takes himself back inside and keeps me from embarrassing myself.
“I can’t believe you’re scent matched to that guy,” Caleb grumbles.
“Hush,” Hollis says, pulling a knife from her cleavage and placing it in my lap. “Have your guys teach you the art of throwing a knife, Alisa. Hell, use your brothers as target practice if you feel like it.”
“Didn’t he play for the Scented Scorpions ice hockey team?” Lars asks slowly.