Chapter 32 #2
The wood creaks as Lars digs his fingers into it, and I’m afraid he may break it.
“Lars.”
“I’m fine.” He takes deep breaths as his body shudders and swallows thickly. “Tell us about the tree, please.”
“Since I miscarried so early, there’s no body. I mean, it’s not like I can go to a cemetery or something to talk to the baby, you know?”
Tears blur my vision as I suck in a breath and Lars pushes over a box of tissues.
“I need a new box. One second.”
Standing, my brother moves around the bar with intention and Caleb shrugs.
“His coffee shop isn’t far from here and we spend a lot of time together.”
“It’s almost unhealthy,” Hollis says weakly. Her eyes are red, and I doubt it’ll get any better.
“I have to be careful about how much I tell you,” I wince. “My memories sometimes have a way of biting me in the ass, and I don’t want to end up unable to participate tonight.”
They explained the plan on the way to the bar, and it’s pretty simple. We have to wait until after six tonight because my father will be home by then and the guard detail will be nonexistent until later.
Lars says he uses that time to decompress, and hasn’t deterred from this routine in years. Being a creature of habit will eventually kill you when you have enemies.
Especially when your children hate you as much as we hate our father.
“Go easy on the details then,” Hollis says, watching as Lars comes back with more lemon bars, ginger ale for me, a pitcher of water, and beers.
“Sometimes, I bartend for Caleb,” he mutters, stalking behind the bar for clean glasses. “Having huge hands helps when I’m having to carry so much.”
“You know you won’t let anyone help you,” Hollis scoffs as he sits down.
“Shh. We know each other too well and you won’t let me get away with anything. Alright, little sis, the floor is yours.”
“Okay.” Taking a sip of the soda, I let the spice of the ginger clear some of the brain fog away.
“Silas asked me what my favorite flower was, and I realized I don’t have one.
While we were at the botanical gardens, we talked about getting a memorial stone for Ellis.
Now, I have a dogwood tree to sit underneath while I’m writing, and a pond to put my feet in. Sometimes, I talk to them.”
I stare at my soda as awkwardness begins to settle inside of me. Are they going to think I’m pathetic for this? I can feel my shoulders rounding and I’m shrinking into myself. It’s very quiet. I’ve also been the center of attention for a long time.
“Alisa.” I drag my eyes up to meet Lars’ and he leans onto the table to keep my attention.
His voice is rough but I can tell he’s really trying to find the right words.
“Nova is a midwife, and she takes care of all kinds of moms. I recently saw her support a woman who lost her baby at twenty-six weeks pregnant. She calls them angel babies. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with talking to your angel baby, okay? ”
Nodding as my lips tremble, I begin to feel myself start to break.
“Fuck it, I’m hugging you,” he mutters, shoving his chair back. Lars is so much taller than me that he lifts me out of the chair as he hugs me. My body shakes as awful sounds come out of my mouth and I fucking keen as I wrap my arms around my brother’s neck and sob. “I’m so fucking sorry, honey.”
The sound of chairs scraping along the wood floor is loud as Hollis and Caleb stand as well and they wrap their arms around both of us as they rub my back and let me cry. It’s ugly, heaving sobbing, something I don’t typically allow myself to do.
Being the center of attention is something I still have problems with.
“Ellis is a great name,” Caleb whispers, setting me off again. “Shh. It’s good to cry sometimes. You need to get it all out.”
“Why do you think we steal Hollis away for drinks and lemon squares?” Lars asks.
“You’re going to tell my secrets, aren’t you?
” she complains. “My pack isn’t part of our world, Alisa.
When I need to work through something for Cian or there’s someone who needs to be killed, I call your brothers.
This way, I don’t have to hold back. I can lose my shit and my pack doesn’t feel as if they have to fix it.
Sometimes, you just have to scream and work through it. ”
“With lemon bars,” Lars chuckles.
A tap on the window has him gently returning my feet to the ground and walking toward the door.
“Fuck.”
“Who is it?” I ask, wiping my face. Ugh, this might be a lost cause. Snagging tissue, I begin blowing my nose because I’m a mess.
“Cian motherfucking Sullivan,” Lars sighs.
“I shouldn’t have said his name,” Hollis mumbles, sighing. “She’s not fucking up for his bullshit.”
“I don’t really remember him,” I admit. “There was never a reason for me to see him outside of the odd party. Even then, there was no reason for him to pay attention to a mafia kid.”
“Oh, he knows who you are,” Caleb says. “May as well let him in.”
Lars unlocks the front door and shoves it open without fanfare as he crosses his arms.
“Can I help you?”
I’m standing behind Caleb as I toss my tissues in the trash, but I can still feel the alpha standing at the door. It’s a commanding presence that makes me uncomfortable.
“The bar is closed and yet here you are,” Mr. Sullivan drawls. “I’m feeling nosy. Do I get an invite or what?”
“Not until you chill the fuck out,” Caleb says turning to face the door. Hollis comes closer to me, frowning as she sees how I’m shaking.
“I don’t like alpha energy,” I whisper.
“You’re scaring someone who is important to me, Cian,” Hollis says, making sure her voice carries. “Be less scary or get the fuck out.”
“Boss. You’re always scary,” someone says beside him.
“I am not,” Mr. Sullivan mutters, taking a deep breath. He’s not just here to be nosy. This man is important and is used to being allowed access whenever he wants. “Is that better?”
I no longer feel the fire-like tingle that alpha energy can sometimes bring and I dip my chin to admit it is.
“Whatever you hear is to be kept under wraps. She doesn’t exist, do you understand?” Lars growls, stepping back.
“Got it.”
Leather soles walk across the scarred wood flooring and I force myself to continue breathing as Caleb steps to the side. Lars already shut the door in Mr. Sullivan’s employee's face, and the window shades are rolled down since the bar is closed.
I don’t understand why he’s here.
“It’s my job to know what’s happening in my city,” Mr. Sullivan drawls. His hazel eyes remain on me as he tries to place who I am, but I don’t look anything like I did as a kid. “Who are you?”
“I don’t believe that matters to you,” I reply. I’ve survived bigger assholes than him. Now that he’s not throwing big alpha dick energy everywhere, I can breathe again. “I also don’t live here.”
“Go ahead and tell him so I can throw him out of my bar,” Caleb mutters. “She’s right, Cian. She doesn’t fucking live in Minneapolis and her alphas aren’t really someone you want to get mixed up with.”
“You’re not helping my curiosity,” Mr. Sullivan admits, raising his brow at him.
“My name is Alisa Finnegan. I’m currently having a very private conversation with my family. No, I do not owe you my story so you’re not fucking getting it.”
“Holy shit,” he breathes. “You actually found her.”
“She found herself,” Hollis says. “Do you feel like getting a little dirty?”
“I haven’t killed anyone in two weeks and I’ve been really fucking bored,” he admits.