Chapter 19 #2
Better to end it now. Let shit work its course. Use this as fuel to be whoever the fuck I am. And if she’s right about me, then maybe she’ll wait around. I shake my head at that thought.
Hell would freeze over before a girl like Kennedy would sit around and fucking wait for me.
I am my father's son after all.
A piece of shit.
Chapter 19
My knees hit the cold parking lot asphalt as Knox's truck disappears into the night. The sound that escapes my throat doesn't even sound human – something between a sob and a scream that's been building since he first pulled away from my touch.
I can still smell his cologne on his jersey that I'm wearing. Can still feel his hands pushing me away. Can still hear the disgust in his voice when he talked about my "impossible standards."
"Kennedy?" Ace's voice seems far away. "Holy shit – Grey, over here!"
Strong hands lift me from the ground, but I can't stop shaking. Can't stop the tears that blur the stadium lights into starbursts. Can't stop remembering how cold Knox's eyes were when he said he should’ve let me blackmail him because that would’ve been easier.
"I'm going to kill him." Ace's voice vibrates with rage. "I'm actually going to murder my best friend."
"Get her home first." Grey, always practical, wraps his jacket around my shoulders. "Kill him after."
"He just..." I try to form words through the tears. "He thinks I want him to be perfect. That I don't see him. That I'm just some stupid girl caught up in the idea of us."
"Shh." My brother pulls me close, letting me cry into his chest like when we were kids. "I've got you, sis. Let's get you home."
The drive to my dorm is a blur. I'm vaguely aware of Grey calling someone – probably Maddie to call Sawyer – and Ace muttering threats about Knox's manhood, but all I can focus on is the hollow space in my chest where something vital used to be.
Sawyer's waiting in our room, claiming something is cooking in the microwave and a movie is ready.
"Oh, Kenny." She opens her arms and I fall into them, fresh tears soaking her sweater. "Let it out."
"I'll kill him," Ace says again from the doorway.
"Not helpful." Sawyer shoots him a look. "Go cool off. I've got her."
Once the boys leave, Sawyer pulls me onto her bed, wrapping us in her fuzzy blanket like we're freshmen again, sharing secrets and dreams.
"What happened?"
"He thinks..." I hiccup through tears. "He thinks I expect this perfect boyfriend. That I don't understand his demons or accept his flaws or... god, Sawyer, how could he think that? After everything?"
"Because he's terrified." She strokes my hair. "He’s a coward."
"His dad showed up tonight. There were scouts there. I think he probably got triggered and felt pressured, and I was there, probably adding to the fire."
"Have you told him that you love him?"
"I tried! But he wouldn't listen. He just kept saying he couldn't be what I need, couldn't handle the pressure of my expectations..." Fresh tears spill. "Like I'm some stupid princess who needs a perfect prince."
"Knox Thompson has exactly two brain cells," Sawyer declares, "and they're both hockey-shaped."
That startles a wet laugh from me. "I just... I thought we were going somewhere good. The beach house was so good, Saw. I thought what we had was real, but then we came back and he was doing interviews and still faking it."
"It is real." She hands me a tissue. "That's why he's running, babe."
Before I can respond, Ace bursts back in, face pale.
"Knox is at Murphy's." He runs a hand through his hair. "Starting fights. It's bad."
My heart stops, sitting up from Sawyer’s bed. "How bad?"
"Three guys so far. Grey's trying to talk him down but..." Ace looks at me pleadingly. "He might listen to you."
"He made it pretty clear he doesn't want to hear anything I have to say."
"Kennedy." Ace crouches in front of me. "Please. He's going to ruin everything he's worked hard for. I don’t know what the fucks going on with him. This is kind of like him, but not him when he’s with you. Please."
That gets me moving. Because even if Knox doesn't want me, doesn't trust my love, I can't let him destroy his future. The future is all that he’s got.
Murphy's is chaos when we arrive. A crowd has gathered outside, phones recording as security tries to break up what looks like Knox versus half the Providence University hockey team.
"Knox!" I push through the crowd, ignoring Ace's warning. "Stop!"
He freezes at my voice, giving one of the Providence players a chance to land a solid hit. Blood sprays from Knox's nose but he barely seems to notice. His eyes, wild and lost, fix on me.
"Princess." He wipes blood from his face. "You shouldn't be here."
"Neither should you." I step closer, hands raised like I'm approaching a wounded animal. "Come on. Let me take you home."
"Can't." His laugh is bitter, scary. "Can't go home. Can't be what you need. Can't be anything but this." He gestures to the chaos around us. "Violence and damage and everything you deserve better than."
"I don't want better." I reach for him slowly. "I want you. Just you."
"Don't." He jerks away from my touch. "Don't look at me like that. Like I'm worth saving."
"You are worth saving." My voice breaks. "Worth loving. Worth everything."
"No." His eyes are glassy – drunk or concussed or both. "Stop trying to fix me. I'm not one of your causes. Not some broken thing you can make perfect. You’re just going to leave."
The words hit like a punch. Because that's what he thinks – that my love is about fixing him. Changing him. Making him into something he's not.
Camera flashes go off around us. Tomorrow's papers will probably show this moment – the senator's daughter reaching for the violent hockey player while he bleeds and rages.
"Knox." I try one more time. "Please. Let me help."
"Help?" He laughs again, that terrible empty sound. "Like you helped with my father? Made him your little project too? Trying to save the whole Thompson family?"
Pride finally overtakes heartbreak. "Fuck you."
His eyes widen at my tone.
"Fuck you for thinking my love is about fixing you. Fuck you for not trusting me enough to see the real you. And fuck you for being too much of a fucking coward to believe someone could actually want you exactly as you are."
Silence falls over the crowd. Even the Providence players step back.
"Kennedy—" Knox starts, but I cut him off.
"No. Fuck you, Knox! You don't get to push me away and then act like I'm the one who doesn't understand.
You don't get to make me feel stupid for loving you.
" I straighten my spine, channeling every bit of my father's political steel.
"You want to self-destruct? Fine. But don't pretend it's about protecting me.
Don't pretend you're doing me a favor by breaking my heart. "
Camera flashes increase. Tomorrow's headlines practically write themselves: Senator's Daughter Confesses Love for Violent Hockey Star that Refuses to Love Her Back.
"Let's go." Ace appears beside me, glaring at Knox. "Grey's got the car."
I turn to leave, then pause. Strip off Knox's jersey and let it fall to the dirty bar floor.
"Goodbye, Knox." My voice is steady even as tears threaten. "I hope being alone is everything you think you deserve."
The drive home passes in silence. Ace keeps reaching for me like he wants to help but doesn't know how. I stare out the window, watching the town blur past, and make a decision.
I'm done.
Done trying to prove my love is real.
Done fighting to be seen as more than a princess in need of saving.
Done letting Knox Thompson break my heart in new ways.
My phone buzzes with texts – probably Sawyer checking on me – but when I look, it's my father.
Dad: Come home. Now.
Attached is an image from tonight: me in tears reaching for Knox while he bleeds and rages, looking every inch the violent enforcer everyone warned me about.
The caption reads: Senator's Daughter in a Bar Fight.
And for the first time since I blackmailed Knox in that equipment room, I wonder if everyone was right.
Maybe some things are better left unfixed.
Maybe some hearts are better left unbroken.
Maybe some love stories are better left untold.
I delete Knox's number from my phone and text my father back.
Kennedy: You were right about him. I'm done with him.
Kennedy: But I’m not coming home right now. I need to cool off.
Kennedy: Dad, I’m sorry about all of this.
Kennedy: It won’t happen again. Love you.
Time to stop being the girl who loves too hard, believes too much, tries to save people who don't want saving.
Time to be the senator's daughter again.
At least she never got her heart broken.