Chapter 25
A knock at my window cuts me off while I talk to Sawyer. We both snap our necks to the window.
Knox balances on the fire escape, rain soaking his combine shirt, eyes wild and desperate.
"I’ll go. Give you two some space," Sawyer says quickly as she darts out of the room.
"Wait," I plead with her, but she doesn’t hear me. I suck in a breath. I don’t want to be alone with him right now. I’m not ready.
For a long moment, Knox and I just stare at each other through the glass. I can’t move from my bed. Did he hear the things I was saying to Sawyer? Rain runs down his face, drips from his hair, makes him look like something from a nightmare.
Or a dream.
I should leave him out there.
Should protect my heart.
Should choose pride over love.
He knocks again, maintaining eye contact with me. I guess I can’t leave him out there all night.
I slip off my bed and open the window.
"I can’t believe you climbed up here," I say as he climbs through my window, dripping on the carpet. "Someone could have seen you."
"Don't care." His eyes devour my face. "You left before I could find you."
"Maybe that’s what I wanted."
He flinches. "Really?"
I wrap my arms around myself, creating distance. "You don't get to just show up here. Don't get to make some speech and climb through my window and expect everything to go back to how it was."
"I don’t expect that." He stays by the window, rain dripping from his clothes. "I know I fucked up. I hurt you. I know I don't deserve another chance. But I have to try. Have to tell you..."
"What? That you're sorry? That everything you said to me before was a lie?" I feel sick to my stomach as I stare at him. "You were right about yourself during your little speech. You’ve been a coward. Please do not tell me that you didn’t mean anything you said. You meant every single fucking word you said in that parking lot and at Murphy’s.
For once, I would like to hear you take responsibility for it. "
"I do, Kenny. I know I said fucked up things. I wish I didn’t."
"That…right there. The wishing part doesn’t even matter because you said what you said.
You did what you did. It’s like killing somebody and then you get caught and now you’re in the courtroom and you claim you’re sorry and you didn’t mean to do it.
" I laugh, imagining it. "That’s fucking bullshit! That’s bullshit, Knox. "
He nods, watching me.
I continue, "I never tried to change you. This actually all started because of who you are. Your reputation. My rebellious little phase." I chuckle like I’ve gone mad. "That phase has gone out the window. And honestly, I don’t even know if you’re going to like the real me.
Because the person I’ve been this whole time is not the perfect act I always put on.
And the girl I am deep down, the Senator’s daughter, she is perfect. She would never put up with your shit."
"Okay. So, you’re saying I don’t know you?"
I nod. "That’s exactly what I’m saying."
He steps towards me, and I take a step back.
"What’re you doing?" I ask.
His eyes narrow in on me. "I know you, Kennedy Walter. Miss Walter. Princess." He sighs, and it does something to my inner thighs. "Girl, do I fucking know you."
He starts pacing the room. And I don’t like the cocky, arrogant man I see before me. Like he’s a predator and I’m his prey. This reminds me exactly why I’ve stayed far away from guys like Knox. Tall. Brooding. Moves like an animal. Impulsive. Dangerous.
"You forget that I’m best friends with your brother. And this little act you’ve been putting on for the world to see isn’t who you really are."
"Hmm?" I blink slowly, keeping my eyes on his.
His smile is deadly. "You just want people to think that you’re a good girl, Kenny, but I see you. The beach house? My dick in your mouth."
"Excuse me?" I cross my arms as my insides twist.
He smiles. "You have a dirty mouth for a virgin."
I stare at him, anger boiling in my blood. And I want to punch myself for the throb beginning between my legs.
"I already apologized, baby." He licks his lips.
"I know I fucked up. But you can’t ignore me.
" He walks up to me and removes my crossed arms. "I’m not fucking going anywhere, okay.
I promise." He grabs my hand and places it on his chest. "This is yours.
Only yours." He pulls both my hands to his lips and then kisses my knuckles.
"This." He places my hands around his neck.
"This head of mine…only thinks about you. "
I inhale at our proximity. He pulls me in, and I can feel every inch of his hard body.
"And that…" His cock lightly rubs against me. "…is only yours. Understand?"
I nod, staring into his eyes, wondering if he’s feeding me lies.
"And this." He kisses my forehead down to my cheek.
"I pray only thinks about me." I allow him to trace the outline of my spine with his fingers.
"And that this." He leans down kissing my chest. I inhale at the softness of his lips.
"Heart is relentless because I’m not an easy man to love.
" His lips stay on my skin as he speaks.
"I have rough edges. An occasional blackeye and––"
"Knox," I breathe, unable to handle his lips so intimate on my skin. "I want to take it slow."
He nods. "There’s that good girl. I’ve been waiting for her to come out and play."
I grab his head. "What is that supposed to mean?"
He relaxes under my hold. "Baby, why do you think I didn’t fuck you the first chance I had? I knew you would want to take it slow, but I got you, okay? I know exactly what you need."
"You do?" I ask. "Is that why you’re being like this?"
He tucks my hair behind my ear. "I’m being like this because I fucking miss you. And I can tell you’ve shut down. You’re shutting me out. I can’t stand it."
"Because I can’t trust you."
"Baby, you can," he promises. "I’ll spend every day proving it to you. I may have fucked up at the combine, but I’ll still go pro. I’ll be rich and give you everything you’ve ever wanted, Kenny. I know you won’t be with me if I’m some alcoholic fighting in bars."
I laugh. "That is not a good look."
His mouth is near mine as he smiles. "No more bar fights. No more alcohol spirals. Just you, me, and hockey."
He lifts me off my feet and spins. I hold onto him and laugh as the butterflies tickle my insides. "Knox! Knox! Put me down." I throw my head back and laugh. I land on my bed as he hovers above me.
"Tell me to leave and I will."
I smile. "Leave."
He tries to pull away, but I sit up and meet his lips. That’s all the permission he needs to tug me higher on the bed and press his dick against my legs.
I roll my hips with his, causing him to moan.
"I’ve been so fucking stupid," he admits in between kisses. "This is all I ever want, Kenny. I just want you." He kisses me hard and then pulls back. "Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll leave you alone. I swear."
"I want this, Knox." I run my fingers down his chest. "It’s all I’ve ever tried to tell you. I want this so much. I want you."
His tongue rolls with mine as I gasp into his mouth.
He asks, "What do I have to do to, Kenny? To prove myself? To make sure you’ll always be mine?"
My pulse is everywhere right now, but I need my head to think clearly. "I need time."
"Time?" he asks, observing my face.
"And space."
He nods. "Okay." He reaches for my hand and folds his fingers with mine. "Kenny?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
He brings his hand to his lips and kisses me. He rests his head on my shoulder as we lay with the lights on.
I didn’t think we would be doing this anytime soon, but here we are.
The problem is that it doesn’t feel wrong.
So, why is there a pit in my stomach?