Chapter 12 #2
I skated back to the bench, smashing my stick against the glass in frustration.
"Thorne! Get your head in the game!" Miller screamed.
I sat down, breathing hard. I looked up at the media box.
I couldn't see her, but I knew she was there. Disappointed. Worried.
I'm failing.
The thought spiraled. I'm failing the team. I'm failing her. I'm failing myself.
The third period started. We were still down 1-0.
The pressure was suffocating. The scout was there again. Henderson was in his box, watching, probably laughing.
I got the puck at the point. I looked for a pass.
I saw Miller open in the slot.
But then I saw a Badger coming for me. He was headhunting.
Instinct took over. Self-preservation.
I flinched. I rushed the pass.
The puck went wide. It bounced off the boards... and straight to a Badger defenseman.
He fired it down the ice into our empty net (Jax had been pulled for the extra attacker).
2-0.
Game over.
The buzzer sounded. The Badgers threw their gloves in the air. The Apex fans went silent.
We lost.
I stood at the blue line, staring at the scoreboard.
I had cost us the game. My hesitation. My fear.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. Jax.
"It happens, man," he said quietly. "We'll get 'em next year."
Next year.
For me, there might not be a next year. The scout was already leaving, closing his notebook. He didn't look impressed.
I skated off the ice. I didn't look at the crowd. I went straight down the tunnel.
I ripped my gear off in the locker room, throwing my pads into the stall with enough force to dent the metal.
I didn't shower. I just put on my sweats and walked out.
I needed to disappear.
I ended up at the Art Studio.
I didn't have a key, but I picked the lock on the back door. It was easy.
I sat on the platform in the dark, staring at the moonlight hitting the floor where we had made love.
It felt like a million years ago.
I heard the door open.
I didn't turn around. I knew who it was. She had followed the bond. Or maybe she just knew where I went when I was broken.
"Spike," Riley’s voice was soft, echoing in the big room.
"Go away," I said.
"No."
She walked across the room. She stopped in front of me. She was wearing her parka, her cheeks flushed from the cold.
"I called you," she said. "I texted you. Why did you shut me out?"
"Because I lost," I said bitterely. "Did you see it? I choked. I flinched."
"You made a mistake," she said. "Everyone makes mistakes."
"Not me. I'm the Alpha. I'm supposed to be perfect."
I looked up at her. "The scout left early. Henderson was smiling. I failed, Riley. And because I failed... everything is at risk."
"You passed the exam," she said. "Miller told me. You kept your eligibility. That's what matters."
"Is it?" I stood up, looming over her. "What about the contract? What about the money? If I don't get drafted, I can't afford the suppressants. I can't afford sanity."
"We'll figure it out," she said, reaching for my hand.
I pulled away.
"There is no 'we', Riley!" I shouted. "Don't you get it? I am poison. My father was right. I'm dragging you down with me."
"Your father is a murderer," she shouted back, stepping into my space. "Stop listening to ghosts and listen to me!"
"You don't understand!"
"Then explain it! Talk to me, Spike! Don't just shut down and brood in the dark!"
She poked me in the chest. Hard.
"I am not your fan," she hissed. "I am not your groupie. I am your... whatever we are. And I deserve more than the silent treatment because you lost a hockey game."
I stared at her. She was furious. She was beautiful. She was fighting for me when I wouldn't even fight for myself.
The anger drained out of me, leaving just exhaustion.
I collapsed back onto the chaise lounge. I put my head in my hands.
"I'm scared," I whispered. The confession tore out of my throat. "I'm so scared, Riley. When I'm with you... I forget to be careful. I forget the Wolf. And today... on the ice... I hesitated because I didn't want to get hurt. Because I wanted to come home to you in one piece."
I looked up at her, tears stinging my eyes.
"You made me weak."
Riley’s face softened. Her anger vanished.
She sat down next to me. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling my head onto her shoulder.
"That's not weakness, Spike," she whispered, stroking my hair. "That's humanity. That's having something to lose."
"I can't lose you," I choked out.
"You won't." She kissed the top of my head. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
I wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my face in her coat. I held on like a drowning man.
"I love you," I said.
The words slipped out. Quiet. Terrified.
Riley froze. Her hand stilled in my hair.
For a second, I thought I had ruined it. I thought she would run.
Then, she squeezed me tighter.
"I love you too," she whispered back. "You big, dumb idiot."
We sat there in the dark studio, clinging to each other.
We had said it. The L-word. The final seal.
But outside, the wind was howling. The scout was gone. Henderson was plotting.
And somewhere in a prison cell, my father was laughing.
We had each other. But I had a terrible feeling that it wouldn't be enough to save us from what was coming.