Chapter 13
Gray
The next couple hours pass uneventfully.
Drew leaves about half an hour after my dance with Ash, then it’s just me and the guys.
Well, me, the guys, and the woman fastened to Kingston’s lap.
I never do get her name before the goalie gets up and leaves with her after not too long, barely saying goodbye to his teammates.
I have another glass of wine, and the guys tell me crazy stories about things that have happened on the ice and in the locker room.
They share some of the trash talk they’ve heard and used, and I pull out my phone to take some notes.
As Celena said, I want to write a book eventually, and some of this is gold.
The bouncer lets a few women through later on, and the guys welcome them to join us.
Whether they’re actual bunnies or just a group of girls out for some fun who thought they’d try their luck with the hot men having a private party in the corner, I’m not sure, but their arrival is my cue to leave.
The guys have been more than gracious, and I don’t want to get in Ash’s way if he wants to find a friend for the night.
He’s clearly a bit horny. His arm found its way around my shoulders early on, and his other hand spent the evening keeping my leg warm, even after Drew left.
Truthfully, it’s nice to be touched again. Ash noted earlier how responsive my body was, and it always has been, but it’s even more so now after a year of celibacy.
I stand up, and Ash’s hand falls from my leg for the first time since we sat down.
His finger has been tracing patterns on my thigh for at least twenty minutes, while his other hand has been playing with my hair.
I’ve barely been able to focus on anything else, and I desperately need to get home to have some quality time with my toys.
“Thank you for a great night,” I say to the guys as I grab my clutch. “That was fun.”
“Leaving already?” Kelsier asks. “It’s not even a school night.”
“It’s been a long week,” I say.
Ash stands. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“That’s not necessary,” I say. “Stay and have fun.”
I survey the group of women with us who seem less-than-happy he’s leaving. The woman sitting on his other side who’s been trying to get his attention away from me since she arrived looks especially put out.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Ash says, oblivious to their disappointment. “I’m not letting you trek all the way back to the garage alone. You can get lost in this place.”
True. These casinos are built like mazes to keep people in. I only had two glasses of wine before I switched to cran and seltzer, so I’m entirely sober, but finding my way back to the right garage will still be iffy. The company might be nice.
I shrug and head for the door with Ash on my heels. The bouncers wish him a good evening by name, and we head down an escalator to the main floor. My breath hitches as Ash slips an arm around me, and we walk in silence for a few seconds before he speaks.
“You really let that asshole cancel on you four times?” he asks as we pass a giant sculpture of hand-blown glass by Dale Chihuly.
“There are a lot of things I’m confident about,” I say.
“Relationships aren’t one of them. I convinced myself he was just afraid to get close, that he’d come around eventually.
By the fourth time, I was expecting the cancellation.
I waited for it all day. I was so anxious I could barely eat.
When the text finally came in, I was both devastated and relieved. ”
I don’t know why I’m telling him this.
He’s quiet, and I find him scowling when I look over.
“I’d have kicked the shit out of him if I knew that earlier,” he says.
I smile. “Probably not a good idea to get into fights off the ice too.”
“You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
I shrug. I want to make some comment about how women often endure much worse, but I remain silent. Rape, abuse, gaslighting, being fucked then dumped are common. In the grand scheme, what Drew did was crappy, but not nearly as bad as what many women go through.
I once had to sleep with a guy just to get him to leave my place.
I didn’t want to have sex with him, but he pushed until I finally agreed, just to get him to go.
I lay there counting the minutes until he finished while he grunted above me.
He called the next day and chatted on while I gave one-word responses.
I declined to see him that day and finally broke things off the next when I realized I couldn’t stomach seeing him again.
I couldn’t claim it was rape. I’d consented to everything he did, but it was under duress, and I felt assaulted the next day nonetheless.
“I’m really glad you came out tonight,” Ash says as we head down the hallway toward the parking garage. “The guys think you’re great.”
I smile again. “They’re a fun group. Thank you for inviting me out.”
We head into the garage, and I try to remember where the hell I parked my car. I press the unlock button on my fob and see the taillights flash down toward the right.
“I’m right there,” I say. “I should be fine from here.”
Ash just puts a hand on my back and steers me toward the car. When we get there, I turn to say goodbye to him, but he’s closer than I expect, and I step back so I bump against the car.
“Thanks for walking me to my car,” I say. Every nerve in my neck and scalp are alive at how close he is. God, he really is nice to look at.
“You’re welcome,” Ash murmurs.
Even in the dim light of the parking garage, I see he’s not looking me in the eyes. His gaze is fixed lower…on my lips.
“Ash?” I ask hesitantly. “Are you okay?”
“I just need one taste,” he says, and it feels like he’s talking more to himself than me.
“Taste of what?” I ask. I don’t dare to believe he’s talking about what I think – what I wish – he’s talking about.
His eyes move up to mine, and the connection locks into place like a deadbolt.
“Of you,” he says.
My stomach does a backflip as Ash’s hands land on either side of me on the roof of the car, caging me in.
“Tell me to stop now if you don’t want this,” he says, leaning closer.
I’m completely frozen as my breathing shallows. My body screams at Ash to touch me, and he obliges. He presses closer, pinning me gently against the car as one of his hands slides over my cheek then behind my head to secure my neck.
I have to suppress a whimper when his lips touch mine, gently at first, then more urgently.
His tongue coaxes my mouth open and slips inside.
I faintly taste the beer he’s been drinking as he deepens the kiss, and this time I can’t hold back the moan that climbs up my throat.
I need more of him, and my hands anchor on his waist to hold him against me.
“Fuck, baby. Your lips are so soft,” Ash whispers against them before he kisses me again.
Everything tightens between my legs to hear him call me "baby." He said it once for Drew’s benefit, but there’s something about the way he says it now that drenches me. I’m only wearing a thong, so I might need to put something on the seat of the car when he’s done.
Ash’s tongue pushes in further to explore my mouth, and the muscles between my legs begin to throb. I want to drag him into the back seat and ride the shit out of him, but I can’t because I’m sort of his teacher-slash-therapist, and the ethics of the situation are…questionable.
I push on Ash’s shoulders, and he pulls back reluctantly.
“You should go back to the club,” I say softly. “The guys will be wondering where you are.”
“Do you want me to go?” he asks.
Sweet Jesus, no. But that’s not a good answer.
“You should go,” I say, trying to deflect. “If someone sees-”
“What if I don’t want to go?” he interrupts.
I have no idea what to say, and then words are impossible because Ash’s mouth is on mine again, and I don’t have the will to push him away. My nipples are painfully tight against his chest, and if he hiked up my dress and fucked me here in the middle of the parking garage, I’d let him.
It seems like minutes before Ash comes up for air, and I gasp as he pulls back just enough so our panting breaths mingle with each other. He has me sandwiched between him and my car, and I feel his erection dig into my stomach.
He’s drunk. It’s the only explanation I can come up with for his behavior and for the rock-hard dick I can’t ignore. I have to leave now because I can’t handle his look of regret later if this goes any further.
I open my mouth, fully intending to make him go back inside the casino, but I can’t force the words out.
“You look fucking amazing in this dress,” Ash says, and I blink at the pivot in topic. “Just one more new side of you.”
I frown, not entirely sure what he’s talking about. I’m ready to ask when he speaks again.
“What else are you hiding from me?”
My frown deepens. “Hiding? What are you talking about? I’m not hiding anything.”
He brushes his lips against my temple as his hand plays with the hair at the nape of my neck, and it takes everything I have to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head.
“Don’t hide from me,” he says softly. “I see you, Gray. All of you.”
My heart hiccups at his use of my name. It’s the first time he’s said it where it doesn’t feel like he’s uncomfortable with it. It feels almost reverent, and I close my eyes. What the hell is this man doing to me?
My stomach bottoms out. Drew made me feel this way our first few weeks together as well.
He made me feel special, like I was someone he couldn’t get enough of.
It’s why I didn’t understand when he pulled back and started to cancel on me without reason.
It’s why I held on so much longer than I should have.
I kept hoping things would go back to the way they were, the way that made me feel like this.
Somewhere I find the strength to push Ash away.
He resists for only a moment before he lets me put some space between us.
I force a smile onto my face so I don’t offend him.
I’m sure he’s not used to women pushing him away, and I have to do this carefully so I don’t risk our working relationship, such as it is.
It was a mistake for me to come tonight, to create a situation where Ash and I might cross a boundary.
“I need to get home,” I say. “You should go back in and have fun with the guys. I appreciate you letting me tag along.”
He looks like he wants to argue, like it’s taking everything in him not to glue his mouth to mine again, but he finally pulls back. I saw an entire war waged behind his eyes in those few seconds, and I’m grateful that his sense of reason won the fight.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he says.
He can’t possibly. I don’t even know what I’m thinking.
“You’re thinking I only kissed you because I’m drunk.”
Oh, that. Well, yes.
“Maybe I am a little drunk,” he says, “But I know what I’m doing.”
I force a smile onto my face. “And it was nice, but it’s time for you to go back inside.”
His lips purse together, and I assume it’s to keep him from arguing. Finally, he nods and steps back. I open my door and get inside.
Ash doesn’t turn and leave until I’m safely in my car with the engine started. Only then does he give me another nod and head back toward the entrance to the casino.
I breathe a heavy sigh as I watch him go and put the car in gear, but I stop when I see there’s something on my windshield. I put the car back in park, get out, and grab the piece of paper from under my wiper blade. I hate when people leave advertising flyers on my car.
I catch what looks like handwriting on the paper, but that’s the new thing nowadays, mass-printed postcards and flyers that look like they’re handwritten. I crumple the paper up and throw it in the little bin I leave in the footwell of my back seat for garbage. I’m not in the mood tonight.
There’s only one person trying to sell me something I really want to buy, and that’s Ash.