19. Chapter 18
Ash
I glance at Gray in the passenger seat of my car as I drive her home, and I can’t tell if I completely fucked up or if I’m getting laid tonight.
I clearly freaked her out when I threatened to finger fuck her in the restaurant, then I only made it worse by tickling her foot and nearly causing her to upset the table. She assured me she was coming back from the restroom, but part of me doubted it until she sat down again.
I’m completely out of my league with Gray.
She’s unlike any other woman I’ve ever dated…
or fake dated. I haven’t dated a lot of women, but most have been bunnies who fawned over me and wanted to show me off.
Only two were different – the VP of a big insurance company and Grace – but even they imposed expectations on me, and it was one of the things that eventually drove a wedge between us.
Gray has seemed hell-bent on keeping her distance, and it was driving me crazy, but something changed about her since she got back from the bathroom.
When we left after dessert, she pressed herself up against me as we waited for the valet, and I had to will my dick into submission so I wasn’t tempted to throw her on the hood and fuck her right there when my car pulled up.
She seems back to normal now as we head to her place, but I’m wary of saying anything.
I checked my phone while she was in the bathroom, and I had twenty-seven messages.
Two were from Kelsier on our private chat, asking me how the non-date date was going.
The rest were on the Hydra’s team chat and ranged from the benign – “Hope it’s going well!
” – to the suggestive – “Should we tell coach you won’t be at practice tomorrow?
” – to the outright lewd – “Did you fuck her yet? Send pics.”
God damn rookies. I’ll have to have a little conversation with some of them about text chain etiquette.
“You okay?” I ask Gray finally. It’s been several minutes since either of us has spoken, and I take a chance and lay my hand gently on her thigh just above her knee. She jumps, but I’m not sure if it’s because of my hand, my voice breaking the silence, or both.
Her eyes linger on my hand, and I almost pull it back when she finally looks at me and smiles.
“I’m fine. Just thinking,” she says. A pause, then, “I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for dinner. That was amazing.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I say. Three seconds roll under my tires before I add, “Look, I’m sorry if I freaked you out earlier. I just-”
“No!” she assures me quickly. “No freaking out. You took me by surprise, especially since this isn’t real, but I’m fine.”
My jaw clenches on instinct the way it does now every time she reminds me this isn’t a real relationship. If it’s so God damn fake, then why does it feel like the most real thing I’ve had in my life?
And it’s not just desire. Yes, I want to be inside her, to have her beneath me so badly it hurts right now, but it’s not just my dick that aches. I feel it in my stomach too. In my chest. In my fucking toes.
This isn’t a fake relationship, even if only one of us knows that right now.
I need to relax, though. Despite what Gray says, I definitely freaked her out, and if I don’t ease her into this, she’ll run for it. For one, I’m a little kinky in bed, and I don’t want to scare her off.
I take my hand off her leg as I pull into her driveway and scowl at the news van parked across the street. There’s only one, and I’m not sure if the reporters just didn’t listen to me when I warned them off earlier, or if this station wasn’t here before and didn’t get the memo.
I turn off the car and hurry to open Gray’s door. I help her out, then thread my fingers through hers as we walk to her front door. She fishes in her clutch for her keys and unlocks the door before turning to me.
“Thank you again for everything,” she says, and I feel the sudden uncertainty between us.
If the news van wasn’t here, I’d see if she invited me in, but I won’t go in with it there. The world probably already assumes I’m fucking her, but I have no intention of giving them footage for the late news.
“You’re welcome,” I say. “I had fun. I like to see you happy.”
I’m trying to play this cool, but I sound like an idiot. Still, it’s better than what I really want to say, which is that I want to drag her into her house, tie her to her own bed, and fuck her raw until she’s hoarse from screaming my name.
Maybe I’ll save that revelation for date two.
Gray glances at her door, then back at me. “Do…you want to come in?” she asks, and my dick tries to answer for me by going rock hard.
I swallow down the string of curses that gather in my throat and step closer to her. I need to say goodnight, but I’ll be damned if I’m not at least going to kiss her.
“Not with the news crew here,” I say. “They don’t need to think we’re sleeping together yet.”
“News crew?” Gray looks at me, confused, then spots the van. “Shit. I didn’t even see them.”
“I’m going to kiss you goodnight, then I’m going to go,” I say.
Laying out the plan is more for my benefit than hers. Step one, kiss her. Step two, leave. Simple enough.
Gray nods slowly. “Okay.”
I know what I need to do, I have her permission to do it, but I can’t move. I’m afraid if I touch her, I’ll end up mauling her. I can’t remember the last time I wanted a woman this badly.
Gray waits patiently, and I finally reach out. I slip one hand around her waist and gently pull her toward me. My other hand glides up her neck to wrap around her nape, and I feel her shiver. Either I tickled her again, or she wants this as much as I do.
I lean in close and let my lips graze hers. Her head tips up, requesting more, and I have my answer. I press my lips down on hers and deepen the kiss. She parts her mouth, allowing my tongue in, and I will myself not to spontaneously combust.
I try to tether my mind in place, to remember I’m on the porch in front of Gray’s house with a news van parked a few dozen feet away. Otherwise, I’ll completely surrender to this moment. As it is, I’m fighting not to push her up against the house and let raw need take over.
Control. That’s what Gray and I have been practicing, and that’s what I need now. If it can keep me from beating the shit out of Lapointe the next time I see him, it can keep me from giving the neighbors a scene they might see on PornHub.
I step away from Gray, but my hand on her waist hasn’t gotten the message that it’s time to go, and I have to force myself to pull it back.
“Are you coming to practice tomorrow?” I ask.
I try not to let her hear the hope in my voice. I feel like I play better when she’s there, and, according to the guys, I do.
“Um, yeah. I may be a little late, but I can be there,” she says, and it seems like she’s trying to get her own bearings.
I nod. “Sounds good.” I try to sound casual, but the inflection in my voice is too high to pull it off. “Have a good night.”
She smiles. “Good night. And thanks again.”
I give her a quick nod, then wait for her to open her door and get inside before I head to my car. I dial Kelsier as I back down the driveway, and he picks up right away.
“How’d it go?” he asks eagerly.
“You alone?”
“Yeah, I’m home watching TV.”
“None of this ends up on the team chat,” I warn him.
“Dude, seriously,” he says, offended. Then he perks up. “Wait, did something happen? What happened?”
“What happened is I bought her a ridiculously expensive bottle of wine then threatened to finger fuck her in the middle of the restaurant.”
There’s a long pause, then the background TV noise goes silent.
“I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?”
I tell him everything that happened from the moment I picked her up to when I dropped her off a few minutes ago.
“Holy shit,” he says when I’m done. “You shelled out that much for wine and didn’t even get laid?”
I make a noise of disgust as he starts to laugh.
“You’re an asshole,” I tell him. “Do you have anything useful to say?”
“I do, but I’m not sure you want to hear it.”
“Try me.”
“Well, it kind of sounds like you’re in love with her.”
There’s silence while I digest that. “You’re full of shit,” I say finally.
“Yeah, told you you didn’t want to hear it.”
“I mean, I like her a lot, and I want her so bad my dick feels like it’s about to fall off, but don’t you think it’s a little premature to throw around the L word? What if I fuck her and the sex is awful?”
“Are you planning to fuck her?” he asks.
I pause. “I want to. But she thinks this is all fake. I’m not sure how I convince her we need to have real sex to sell fake dating.”
It’s his turn to pause. “You said she thinks this is all fake. It sounds like you don’t think it is.”
I didn’t expect him to catch that.
“I mean…there’s no harm in her thinking it’s just fake dating even if I know it’s real dating, right?” I ask hopefully. “Do both parties have to agree it’s dating for it to be dating?”
“No, as long as one party says it’s dating, it’s legit. Stalkers do it all the time,” he says sarcastically. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Of course both parties have to agree it’s dating!”
I consider potential loopholes, then ask, “Is there a standard timeline for both parties to agree it’s dating before it can be official?”
Kelsier sighs. “Why don’t you just tell her you like her and ask her if she wants to date for real?” he suggests.
I scoff. “Now who’s being ridiculous?”
He sighs again. “Fine, do it your way. What could possibly go wrong?”
“That’s the spirit.”
“So are you going out again?”
“We didn’t discuss it, but she’s coming to the training center tomorrow,” I offer. “I can ask her about a second date then.”
“You’re a regular Casanova,” he says.
“I always thought I was more of a Romeo.”
“Romeo dies in that play, you know.”
“Really? Fuck. I should’ve paid more attention in English class.”
“On second thought,” he says, “you are pretty tragic. Let’s stick with Romeo.”
“Fuck you.”
He chuckles. “So what are you going to tell the rest of the guys about the date? You need to respond to the team text chain eventually.”
“I’ll tell them the truth. We had a nice dinner, then I dropped her off at home and kissed her goodnight.”
He groans. “Boring. At the very least you need to tell them about the wine. I bet you paid more for it than that piece of junk Fig drives.”
I think a moment. “Any suggestions on what I should say? I need just enough to appease them without telling them too much.” I pause before adding, “And I need to have a little conversation with the rookies.”
“I’ll help you with that conversation,” he says. “Please tell me we were never that bad when we were that age.”
I sigh. “I’m not sure about you, but I was probably worse.”
I hear his sigh as well. “Yeah. Me too. Thank God we’re older and wiser now.”
I chuckle. “By the way, is all still quiet on the Kingston front?”
“Yeah, it doesn’t look like he’s interested in Gray,” he says. “I brought her up casually around him earlier today, and he more-or-less ignored me. If he was interested, he would’ve made a move at the club.”
“He was focused on that puck bunny,” I say, playing devil’s advocate.
“And you don’t think he would’ve taken them both back to his place?” Kelsier asks.
“Touché.”
A small part of me is almost angry Kingston doesn’t consider Gray worthy of his attention, but the larger, saner part is relieved he doesn’t want her. Because fuck keeping the goalie happy. I’m not giving her up, even if Kingson implodes and it costs us the rest of the season.