6. Aurora
Chapter six
Aurora
I ’ve always been a homebody, but lately, it’s become more of a fortress than a comfort. Tonight, as I burrow deeper into my bed, Kat’s determined voice filters through my closed door. She’s on a mission to drag me out, and part of me knows I should go. After all, isn’t that what newly single people do? Go out, have fun, pretend their heart isn’t held together with duct tape and sheer stubbornness? But the thought of facing the world, of plastering on a smile and pretending I’m okay feels impossible
“Kat, I don’t want to go. “I plan on having a relaxing night in my bed, not dealing with crowds of people.”
Here I am, Aurora the Reluctant, being dragged out of my comfort zone by Hurricane Katarina… it’s exhausting.
“Oh, stop whining. Your bed will be here when you get back.”
Despite what she says, I’m not whining. I’m simply stating my boundary. A boundary that Katarina is clearly determined to ignore given the way she grabs my arm and pulls me out of bed before I can decline again. I go with the motion with a huff, letting it be known that I’m not pleased. So, I have been in a funk for the past couple of days. Who wouldn’t be after having to dodge their well-meaning mother’s phone calls? I love her to the moon and back, but I don’t want to talk about anything that starts with the letter ‘T.’
To make things worse, the conversation between me, Jax, and Aiden has continuously played out in my mind at the worst times. It’s like all the resistance I’ve built up is washed away, and I’m left feeling the same nauseating mix of pain and anger that I felt when we first split. I keep wondering if I got everything wrong. It’s the same question I ask myself every day since giving Turner back the ring. I gave him two chances, and both times he stomped all over them like they were nothing. Am I just a glutton for punishment?
I’ve always told myself that it’s ridiculous to hold onto grudges, especially if they happen in high school, but given the present events, now I’m not so sure.
“I’m not going to allow you to lay in bed and stew in your own juices,” Katarina says. She leaves me standing in the middle of my bedroom before walking into my closet. I hear her rummaging around, and I wince at the thought of my clothes winding up on the floor.
“I’m not stewing,” I counter. “I’m contemplating my life choices like any rational adult would.” That sounds a lot more mature, but based on the look Katarina gifts me when she sticks her head out of the closet, I know that she doesn’t understand the nuance of it.
“You’re not contemplating anything tonight. Tonight, we’re meeting your brother and that oh-so-juicy roommate at O’Keefe’s and having a couple of tequilas until you get to the point where you want to throw Turner’s stuff out on the lawn so we can burn it.”
Her words startle laughter out of me. “I don’t think we’re allowed to burn anything in yards here. Plus, I’m pretty sure Jax would have something to say about that, if not the HOA.”
“Ugh. HOA’s are so annoying.”
I don’t disagree. With nothing left to say that might sway Katarina into turning around and leaving the house without me, I stand quietly and wait for her next order. When she comes out, she’s holding a pair of my jeans and a sparkly top that I don’t quite recognize.
“Is that mine?”
“Yup,” she replies, popping the ‘p.’ “Courtesy of yours truly. Now, hurry up, get out of your sweats, and put this on so I can do something with your hair. I’m not taking no for an answer, so you might as well give up.”
I know how truthful she’s being. She really does hate taking no for an answer, especially when she’s sure she’s doing the right thing. I know all my excuses will be in vain, so I do as she asks, grabbing the clothes and marching to the bathroom with a huff.
An hour later, I find myself surrounded by people I don’t know with a drink of something in my hand and the knowledge that I’m no longer in control of my own life. Grinning and bearing it seems the best option to avoid another lecture from Katarina, that is until I see Jax and Aiden.
“Hey guys. Fancy meeting you here,” Katarina says, her voice bubbly as she looks over the guys. I vaguely recognize a few other players from the team, but some of the men I can’t recall having ever seen before. I direct my greetings around before nodding to an adjacent table.
“Maybe we should grab a spot over there.”
Katrina puts a hand on my arm to stop me. “Or,” she says, drawing out the sound. “We could join you guys. You wouldn’t mind a few attractive ladies brightening up your drinking experience, right, Jax?”
Jax tries to hide his laughter behind his hand, but all it does is make me want to smack him. “Brightening things up, eh?”
Katarina’s smile is wide as she leans over and semi-whispers into Jax’s ear. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
Jax is all smiles, but I just want to gag. “Katarina, can you not flirt with my brother? That’s disgusting.”
She shoots me a fake pout. “Fine. But if I can’t flirt with him, how about you, studmuffin?”
Aiden’s expression doesn’t change, but he does glance over at me for a moment as if gauging my reaction. But I don’t have any reaction. What Aiden wants to do behind closed doors has nothing to do with me.
“Who the fuck says studmuffin anymore?” Aiden asks, and for a moment, I feel a profound sense of relief. But only for a moment. I don’t know why I’d think tonight would be that easy because nothing in my life ever is. “I know a smart woman like you could absolutely come up with a different pet name than that for me.”
Wait, what? Does he actually like pet names?
That can’t be right. I tried only once to give Aiden a nickname, and he hated it so much he didn’t talk to me for three weeks. Of course, I wasn’t a potential girlfriend, but now he’s letting her come up with one?
I don’t know why I’m so upset by that. Aiden has probably dated a boatload of women over the years. A lot of hockey guys are known to be players on and off the ice. Plus, I know he has no qualms about getting sex when he wants it. I once made the mistake of confusing sex with love or at least the potential for a real connection. But boy did I learn how wrong that was...almost as soon as it happened.
“What’s up your ass— I can flirt with her!” Jax whines, pulling my attention away from my spiraling thoughts. “We’re both single.”
“You’re my brother, and she’s my best friend. If I wanted to be sick all night, I would have eaten that attempt at a lasagna Aiden made last week.”
Aiden’s gaze snaps over to mine, and I nearly gasp when I feel something zap down my spine. Having those piercing gray eyes on me is a heady feeling that I can’t ignore. “You finished the plate of it with no complaints.”
“I didn’t want to be rude.”
“Is that so?” he asks, arching an eyebrow. “And you took some to work for lunch just to keep up the ruse, I’m guessing? It couldn’t be that you’re talking out of your ass.”
Something about his tone makes me want to push back. This is the most we’ve really talked since moving in together, and I can’t deny that I’m enjoying it. “My ass is none of your concern.”
“Damn right it’s not!” Jax jumps in. Aiden doesn’t spare him a glance.
“Anyway,” I say before nonchalantly taking a sip of my drink. I can feel those eyes on me still, but I want to appear unbothered. I’m not sure if it’s working, but I’ll keep up the ruse as long as needed. From the corner of my eye, I see Katarina watching us with a smile on her face. I don’t even want to know what thoughts are going through her head. I doubt I’ll appreciate them. Before Aiden can say anything else, another guy’s voice comes from behind, startling me.
“What’s up, fuckers.”
Aiden’s gaze shifts beyond me then. The small smirk he’d been sporting slowly drops, and I turn in time to see a few more of their teammates flock to the table.
“Rogers.” The teasing lilt of his voice is gone, and it’s back to the same even tone he often uses. I wonder about that. I haven’t been to every practice, but from the few I’ve watched, Aiden seems to get along well with the team. “Not sure if we have enough seats for everyone.”
The guy, Rogers, moves to stand beside me. “No problem. I’ll just post up beside this cutie.” He looks down at me, and I have to fight hard against the urge to shift away. “How’s it hanging? I’ve seen you at our rink a few times. What’s your name again?”
He holds out a hand, and despite my best judgment, I do the same, shaking his hand. “Aurora. I’m the team’s social media manager. Remember?”
“Oh, right,” he replies in a way that lets me know he does not, in fact, remember. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about getting some good shots of me out there. Maybe we could—“
“Maybe I could string you up by your balls,” Jax jumps in. He moves to stand. “We’ve already talked once about this. Do we need to have a private conversation?”
Rogers steps away with his hands in the air. “Nope. I forgot she was the little sister. No harm, no foul.” When he’s moved further away, I turn to Jax with a scowl.
“You didn’t have to do that. I can fight my own battles, you know.”
Jax shrugs. “It’s not about you not fighting battles. Family is off-limits. He knows that.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be off limits,” I insist. I don’t understand why I’m fighting against this so much. I don’t want anything to do with that guy, but I still don’t need to be saved. “I am an adult, Jax.”
“So, you’re saying you want to be involved with that asshole,” Aiden growls out. The intensity in his words makes me pause. Never has that growl been directed towards me.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Sounds like you did,” he pushes. “Sounds like you liked the attention.”
Katarina jumps in then with a hesitant chuckle. “I mean, a lot of people like attention. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Attention from someone you know is bad news? Seems like bad decisions to me.”
Aiden’s words are low but sharp, like a dagger slicing into me and revealing a part that hurts—has hurt for a long time. In the face of it, all I can do is retreat. This isn’t the way I want my night to go. I’ve only just begun to build my walls back up, and here he is doing his damndest to tear them all down again. None of this is directed at Katarina. It’s all targeted to make me hurt.
“Fuck you, Aiden.”
The words lurch out of me, hot and painful. My throat grates as the feeling wells up until it has nowhere to go but out. Aiden’s eyebrows rise, and for a moment, I feel a sick thrill run through me at catching him by surprise. I know if I say anything else, I won’t be able to take it back. I want to lash out and hurt him the way I hurt, but I know deep down I’ll regret it later. It’s not in me to be vindictive or reactionary, and I hate that I’m even pushed to consider it.
Before anyone else can say anything, I grab my purse and turn to leave. Coming out tonight is clearly a mistake, but maybe the worst mistake of all is feeling like things are better.