20. Aurora
Chapter twenty
Aurora
D espite my worries, things seem to be going back to normal —but try telling that to my Aiden-radar. ‘Normal?’ Ha. Sometimes, I think I smell his scent on my sheets, and it sends a spike of want so strong through me that I have to clench my legs just to get through it, and it’s driving me up the wall.
The kicker? Aiden’s playing Mr. Cool, just like he always has, playing the annoying acquaintance to me and teammate to Jax, like nothing’s changed. If I didn’t know better, I’d think I imagined the whole thing between us.
God, when did my life become such a damn soap opera.
If this is what going crazy feels like, just ship me off to the loony bin now. At least there, I might get some peace.
I get how much we need to maintain this semblance of normalcy… It’s just got my head all the place. I sigh—How is it that guys can have sex with someone and then just go about their lives, business as usual? That’s unfair. But I guess I know some guys who can’t, just like I know some girls who can. So, the problem’s me.
It’s always been me.
I just can’t stop thinking about Aiden’s touch and wondering what it would take to feel him again.
We never made any promises. Hell, we haven’t even talked about anything, period. But whatever this is, it’s like his touch awakened a part of me that had laid dormant—now it’s awake and ravenous in its hunger.
The doorbell ring startles me from my thoughts, and when I turn to look, I catch Aiden staring at me from across the table. Has he been watching me this whole time, and I just didn’t notice? What is he thinking about?
Those stormy gray eyes are so impenetrable that I don’t have the first clue.
When the doorbell rings again, Jax stands up, grabbing my attention.
“Who the hell is that?” He gestures towards the door before turning to look at me. “Are you expecting a package or something?”
I shake my head. “Nope, not me.” I’ve been on an Amazon hiatus. “Haven’t ordered anything in a couple weeks.” My brows shoot skyward because all I can think about is the new toy Aiden caught me using the other night. “Aiden?” I gesture with my hand, swallowing hard before glancing back at him, hoping my face isn’t as red as it feels.
His eyes are still trained on me, and there’s an intensity there I haven’t noticed before. I shiver as if the weight of his gaze touches me like the brush of his fingertips or a whisper of wind igniting sparks beneath my skin.
“I ain’t expecting anyone,” he mutters.
The way he says that makes me pause. It’s almost accusatory, and I don’t understand why. I don’t know what it is about today, but somehow, whenever there’s an unexpected knock at the door, we act like there’s a zombie apocalypse waiting on the other side.
The three of us freeze for a flash second, exchanging wary glances at each other.
Jax raises an eyebrow. “Is Katarina coming over?”
I shake my head, trying to ignore how Aiden’s knee brushes against mine under the table. “She’s out on a date tonight. If she needed something, she would have texted our codeword for me to save her.”
“Codeword?” Aiden smirks, his eyes meeting mine for a split second too long. “Let me guess... ‘Hockey stick’?”
I roll my eyes, fighting a smile. “As if… It’s way more subtle than that.”
Trying desperately to ignore the shivery feelings racing down my spine, combined with the overwhelming curiosity of who the hell it is, I move to stand. “Go check it out, Jax.”
“Oh yeah, send the guy to go get killed first by the crazed person on the other side of the door.”
“I’m here too,” Aiden chimes in.
Jax whirls around and points a finger at Aiden. “Yeah, I notice how you didn’t get your ass up, either… Pussy.”
“Fuck you,” Aiden retorts, looking as gorgeous as ever, and I quickly look away before that gets locked into my memory banks too. I already have to deal with the fixed flash of his satisfied face seared in my brain when he came.
And that’s as much as my traitorous body can handle before it spontaneously bursts into flames. Then again, if that happened, at least it would put me out of my misery.
“No offense, dude, but this is your house,” Aiden adds.
I don’t know what it is about those words that has me speaking up, but my lips are moving before I realize what I’m going to say.
“It’s yours too, Aiden.” He looks at me for a moment as if unsure if I actually said that.
The uncertainty has me speaking up again. “Last I checked, you live here too. This place is as much yours as it is ours. It’s home.”
Unbelievably, something in his steel gaze softens, and the smirk turns into something warmer and comforting. It’s a look that makes me want to say to hell with our normal and wrap him in my arms. I’m not used to jumping to Aiden’s defense, but all I want to do at this moment is comfort him.
I’ve never felt this feeling before, but it’s so strong that I almost find myself moving in his direction. Only self-preservation and the sound of Jax’s voice keep me from doing something very foolish.
Like hugging Aiden.
With a huff, Jax walks toward the foyer. I know I should look away, but Aiden is almost gravitational. I don’t think I could move if I tried.
The muffled sound of the door opening fills the space, but Aiden and I are unmoving as we watch one another until familiar voices drift into the room.
“Mom? Dad? What are you two doing here?”
“Oh honey,” Mom exclaims as she hustles over, enveloping me in a tight hug. I squeeze back, totally confused as to why the heck she’s here in the first place.
“Your father and I decided to come to see tomorrow’s game. It just isn’t the same watching it on television.”
“That’s right kiddo,” Dad jumps in. He’s standing beside Jax with an arm thrown over his shoulders. The two of them look so much alike it’s almost uncanny. Everyone always says so.
“Your mom was upset she missed the first one, so we made the decision to at least be at this one.”
“That’s great,” Jax says, glancing over at me. I know we’re thinking the same thing. This is not going to go well.
I love our parents, but they have a tendency to put their feet in their mouths under the guise of just wanting to be helpful. “Where are you staying?”
“We got a hotel near the stadium. There’s a golf course near there that your father just has to try,” Mom says with a roll of her eyes.
I feel a small measure of relief that at least they aren’t expecting to stay with us—then I immediately feel guilty for even thinking that. Mom strokes her hand over my hair.
“It’s so good to see you all getting along,” she says, looking between Jax and me. Jax throws an arm around my shoulder, and I can’t help but scowl. I bump back with my hip.
Oh yeah, these curves are good for something.
But my attempt to push him off only pushes me closer to Aiden.
I fight hard against my blush as his scent envelops me. I need to figure out a better defense against him before Jax starts to suspect something.
I’m not ready to face what this could all mean. Thankfully, the interruption means I don’t have to think too much at all.
****
“What a game!” Mom’s enthusiasm is contagious as we watch the team celebrate another win. The energy in the box we’re in is enough to have me hyped up with no desire for sleep anytime soon, despite the time.
High fives are exchanged with other family members of the team. It’s been a fun experience watching with them, but I much prefer being down in the crowd sitting closer to the ice. It has nothing to do with being able to see Aiden better. I just have trouble following the puck when I’m sitting too far away.
“I was so worried that they wouldn’t—“
“Don’t even say it,” Dad cuts off her words. It’s better him than me. “We don’t want to jinx things.”
Mom ducks her head sheepishly and swats Dad on the arm. I can’t help but smile as I watch the two of them, still giddy with each other after all these years together. I lead the way out of the box, heading toward the exit where I know the team will eventually emerge.
Normally, I wouldn’t wait for Jax. They usually go out with the guys unless the coach puts a stop to it for whatever reason. But tonight, he’s promised our parents a late dinner to celebrate.
I’d asked him earlier about claiming a win prematurely, but he just laughed at me and ruffled my hair in that annoying way he likes to do when he doesn’t want to think about something I said.
As we file out of the box, my victory buzz fizzles faster than a flat soda.
I can’t believe my mother just dropped in like this!
Yeah…well, that’s about as welcome as a pop quiz on a Monday morning.
My Mom’s well-meaning questions feel like that moment when you realize you’ve forgotten something important but can’t remember what. My stomach churns. I’ve dodged this conversation for months, but now? It’s breathing down my neck.
Whatever’s coming, I’ll deal with it head-on. But damn, a girl could use a warning before being ambushed by her own family.
I stay close to my parents so we don’t get separated as we make our way out. It’s kind of cool being able to bypass most of the crowd as it ebbs and flows from the main part of the arena. Being on the floor is fun when the game is going, but it’s hell when it’s time to leave. Still, I don’t plan on making box seats part of the norm when I’m here alone.
“Is it always this crowded?” Mom asks as she sidesteps another group.
I chuckle and shake my head. “No. But tonight is college night, and a giveaway was held offering VIP tickets.”
I smile and duck my head. “It was actually something I thought of to get the community excited about attending games—my boss thought it was a great idea.”
“Well, it worked kiddo,” Dad says with a wide smile. “I’m so glad you’re doing well. When we heard you were moving here too, I admit I was a little concerned. You and Jax aren’t known for always getting along.”
I snort softly at his massive understatement. Jax is a royal pain in my ass most days, but even I can admit that living and working with him isn’t so bad. Yeah, it’s true, he never gave me any air to breathe when we were younger, but it helps that our schedules only overlap a few nights a week. I don’t think we would have fared quite as well if we were always around each other.
And I definitely wouldn’t have been able to keep my cool around Aiden if he were around all the time.
“Jax has actually been a pretty okay roommate,” I admit reluctantly. “I mean, he’s still absolutely shit at cleaning, and his cooking leaves a lot to be desired, but I’ve had worse.” I push open the door in front of us that leads to the locker rooms. It’s much quieter in this hall, and I pull them to a stop before we get to the main locker room corridor. Even family aren’t allowed down there.
“When you said you and Jax were moving in together, I was so worried though it would be a disaster. I mean, the way you abruptly left and changed all your life plans… well, frankly, it had me concerned maybe you were doing drugs.” I frown as I try to make sense of my mom’s words.
“Why would you think I was doing drugs?”
She glances at my dad before shrugging. “Well, who in their right mind does that? I mean you ended your engagement so suddenly and after so many years together. I understand having a bit of cold feet, but when he told us you returned the ring, I just felt so bad for Turner.”
Wait... what? Stabbing me in the heart would’ve hurt less than those words. What does she mean? She couldn’t understand why I’d left so abruptly?
She felt bad for him ?
Sure, I didn’t divulge every single reason for the abrupt end of my engagement, but surely, they had seen me upset enough to realize that whatever happened between us wasn’t good.
“I don’t think it’s something we should talk about right now,” I say, trying to keep the hurt from my voice. “This isn’t exactly the place to get into things. And anyway, it’s in the past. I’ve moved on, and so has he.”
I hope my words will be taken seriously, but that hope is in vain when Mom seems determined to continue talking about the same subject.
“I know, sweetheart, but I just think it would be better if we discussed it together so we can talk through everything and come up with a plan. I mean, we don’t want the same things to happen in your next relationship.”
She looks at Dad and I’m shocked further when he nods as if in agreement. “I think what your mother is trying to say is that we understand relationships are difficult. I mean, your mom and I haven’t always had it easy either, but we learned to work through it. Not like these new relationships that only seem to last until things get tough.”
“Things weren’t just tough,” I say, losing a little bit of my calm. It’s like being faced by the Spanish Inquisition.
I never thought I would have to explain the demise of my relationship to my family, so I never thought to come up with words. Now that’s coming back to bite me in the ass because all I want to do is make them stop talking about it and run the other way. I try to steer the conversation elsewhere.
“There were things that happened that I just don’t think—“
“What things, sweetheart? There’s no way that we can help if we don’t know exactly what happened. Your mother and I do have some experience in making a relationship and marriage work for the long term,” Dad says, cutting off my words.
Mom nods, seeming so sure that all that relationship needed was a few words and maybe a Band-Aid, but she doesn’t understand. I know that I don’t know the ins and outs of my parents’ entire relationship, but I’m pretty sure they haven’t gone through the same things as me.
I can’t see my father talking down to my mother for the most insignificant things. And I definitely can’t see my mom wanting to tear his self-esteem down until he felt like the only person who would ever love him was her. Those experiences are difficult to explain to someone who has never been in a situation like that before with the person they loved.
My parents are high school sweethearts. And even though Turner and I met in high school, their situation is so far removed from mine that I don’t even have the words nor the energy to help them understand fully.
“Mom, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” I say firmly. My voice shakes as I feel more of my good mood falling away. “Right now, it’s not about me. It’s about Jax and Aiden.”
“I know that sweetheart, but we can still—“
“Mom, Dad, what the hell?” My heart leaps into my throat at Jax’s voice. I let out a sigh of relief when he steps in front of me. From the corner of my eye, I see Aiden fall into line beside me before glancing over, eyes full of clear concern.
“Are you alright?” His voice soothes some part of me that I don’t have the energy to try to understand. I’m just grateful for the pause to the previous conversation so I have time to gather myself.
Once I’m not in fight or flight mode, I can feel the quickness of my breath and the buzz in my fingers. I shake my hands, trying to rid myself of the feeling and take long, deep breaths to loosen the pressure in my chest.
I know the signs of an anxiety attack all too well, and the last place I want to have one is in public, surrounded by people I don’t know.
I can’t do this here. I don’t want to think about any of this.
A part of me wants to scream, to tell them everything—the put-downs, the constant criticism, the way he made me feel small. But another part, the part that’s still healing, can’t bear to see the pity in their eyes. How do I explain that the girl they raised, the one they thought was strong and independent, let herself be worn down to nothing?
How was I going to tell them that their perfect future son-in-law was anything but perfect? The words stick in my throat, choking me.
“We just wanted to know how we could help with—“
“Why would you bring him up now?” Jax asks, his voice slightly rising. I’ve never heard his voice pitched that way, especially not when talking to our parents about me.
He’s making me feel loved, protected and understood, and even though I’ve always known that I could count on him as my big brother, it’s never been more apparent than right now. “We talked about this months ago. You can’t push things.”
Mom glances over at me. “We weren’t pushing. We just wanted to help, and we thought if she talked to us...” She keeps talking, her lips moving in rapid pace as she looks between Jax and me, but all I hear is the soft drone of unintelligible words.
I don’t care the reason. I don’t want to hear it, and I know with Jax there standing between us, I don’t have to. He knows my feelings when it comes to the end of my engagement, and that’s enough. I know I can count on him to handle what I can’t.
An arm wraps around my shoulder, and I feel them relax when I scent Aiden’s familiar aroma. His arm is warm against my back, and I take comfort in the quiet strength I can feel.
“Aiden, go ahead and take Aurora home,” Jax says, drawing my attention. He doesn’t turn to look at us as he speaks. I can tell by looking at his back that all his muscles are locked, and I feel another bolt of guilt at the realization that I’ve caused this.
If I spilled everything, I don’t doubt my parents would rally behind me, but at what cost?
“I need to have a conversation with our parents,” Jax finishes quietly. I can see my mom’s eyes widen, and even our dad appears shocked by his words.
Aiden doesn’t hesitate to guide me away. I go with him, not wanting to pull away. His warmth is a comfort in the face of what feels like betrayal. I need to get out of here and I need to get out now.
As Aiden guides me away, I catch one last glimpse of Jax squaring off against our parents. His stance is protective and fierce.
At this moment, I realize two things, one, that Jax knows more than I ever told him and two, that nothing will ever be the same in our family after tonight. The question is, am I ready for what comes next?